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I can't say - based on a psychological reasoning why people do this - but I suspect that they just need an outlet for their thoughts. Just as people here do.
What I can say is that I have learned how to handle them to my satisfaction - apparently without hurting their feelings. If they are friends (or people I feel friendly toward), I generally allow them to ramble on for five to ten minutes of my day.
If it is a conversation that interests me in any way, or is just a plesant passing of time, I will let them continue.
If I have not seen them for a long time, I will let them continue for a while.
If they start drifting into what their cousins - child's - classmate did. I will interrupt them - holding up my finger and saying "wait, I do not know your cousin's, child's, classmate. I am not really interested in hearing about that." When this happens, I will redirect them back to the current conversation by asking them something about how they are feeling.
If after an appropriate amount of time, they cannot find the end of the conversation themselves I will gently interrupt them gently saying "XXX, you know I love you, but you are going on for far too long and I have to get back to doing xyz." At first, they are a little shocked, and embarrassed, but after a few times, they know that I am not going to let them prattle on forever. And since they need to tell me whatever they are saying, they learn to get the essentials out before I cut them off.
I once told a chatterbox co-worker (after being waylaid every day for a half-hour to 45 minutes in the morning) that "I like talking to you XXX, but you are digging into my work time and I have to get things done or I might get fired.
When the next morning the same thing happened, I told him, I am going to listen for 5 minutes each morning, then I am going to ignore you.
When he started talking, I took my watch and set it onto the desk and listened, after five minutes, I turned to my computer and started working. After a while he noticed that I was not reacting to anything he said and asked me if I had started ignoring him. I turned and smiled and said "Yep." After that he wandered out of my office.
Later that day - just to make sure he understood that it was his interrupting my work that I objected to - not him personally, I found him and asked him if he wanted to go get lunch. After that, we got along great.
For the OP, if I were in that situation, I would ask them if I could have a cup of coffee or a drink of water. Listening to them talk while sitting and drinking. Then I would smile at them and "jokingly" say... That cup of Joe just cost you $1 of my time on your this job, and offer them a dollar and go back to work. If they keep interrupting, each time they want to talk, I would sit down again and ask for another cup of coffee. After that cup, I would not offer a dollar - just go back to work. And do the same thing the next time they want to ramble. They will get the message. If they do not, then tell them directly that you "just tried to make a point about how much extra this job is going to cost if you don't let me work."
You have to do these things with humor and a total lack of malice in your presentation. Most people get the message.
Last edited by blktoptrvl; 02-11-2017 at 11:05 AM..
I can't say - based on a psychological reasoning why people do this - but I suspect that they just need an outlet for their thoughts. Just as people here do.
. . . .
For the OP, if I were in that situation, I would ask them if I could have a cup of coffee or a drink of water. Listening to them talk while sitting and drinking. Then I would smile at them and "jokingly" say... That cup of Joe just cost you $1 of my time on your this job, and offer them a dollar and go back to work. If they keep interrupting, each time they want to talk, I would sit down again and ask for another cup of coffee. After that cup, I would not offer a dollar - just go back to work. And do the same thing the next time they want to ramble. They will get the message. If they do not, then tell them directly that you "just tried to make a point about how much extra this job is going to cost if you don't let me work."
You have to do these things with humor and a total lack of malice in your presentation. Most people get the message.
"This" Some people feel there can be no moments of silence. Some feel they "get out their nervousness" by talking non stop.
I once went into a store and the salesman talked for 24 minutes straight. I tried to get away from him but he insisted on telling me he made one million in sales last year and kept following me down all the aisles. For God's sake, let me shop!
In an earlier post, I mentioned my mother's boyfriend. Yesterday, my 83-year-old mom called because she had downloaded a virus to her computer, the kind that holds your hostage until you call a number and pay them. Sheesh.
So my wife and I drop by there. My mother's boyfriend is there, yapping away. I reboot the computer, he's yapping. I do a hard quit and he's yapping. I'm trying to read some relevant articles on my iPhone to fix the problem and he's yapping. I try to buy Norton Antivirus and he's yapping. I need my mother's e-mail password and while she's looking for it, he's yapping. We try umpteen different combinations of passwords to no avail and he's yapping. Finally, Google has an option to send a key to her mobile phone, and he's yapping. But my mother doesn't use her mobile phone all that much so we have to recharge it and he's yapping. The cord on the mobile phone only charges if you hold it at a certain angle so we're balancing the phone against the lamp on her end table while she's complaining about modern technology and he's yapping.
And he's not talking about anything remotely connected with what we're doing at that moment. What little I caught while I was trying to fix my mother's computer and keep her from throwing a conniption once again was something about some soldier in the Korean War who found Jesus and became a comedian after eating Christmas dinner with the chaplain consisting of nothing more than a can of Campbell's Soup. It was cream of mushroom soup, but David prefers cream of chicken soup, etc. etc. etc.
This went on for two freaking hours, but it felt like six. I finally installed Norton antivirus on my mother's cheapo Lenovo laptop and skedaddled, promising to come back today. I just couldn't take it another second. When we got in the car, my wife said, "You okay? You have to be the world's most patient man. I would've stabbed him with the cheese knife by now."
My brother has this disease so badly that you cannot walk away. If you interject something into the diatribe, like "I've got to get on with (whaterver)", he'll actually FOLLOW YOU wherever you're going, even to AND INTO! the bathroom! He'll get very in-your-face when he's cornered you in whatever corner you were trying to escape to, eliminating all personal space (in contrast to his normal diatribe mode). It's F--ing FREAKY!
I need no convincing when on the Psych forum, they say that narcissism is a mental illness, because of behavior like this.
However, I'd like to add that not everyone with this motor-mouth disease is a narcissist. I've seen cases of perfectly nice, normal people become stricken with it as a result of the sudden, premature loss of a loved one. It seems to be a reaction to that type of emotional blow.
Ha ha, me and my brother do this, my niece will pop out with "will you stop chasing me around the table? Just stand there and talk"
Your question was appropriate; the woman is out of line. Surely she must know that people avoid her because she can't shut up.
I've noticed that lonely people who really do need social outlets they don't have, will talk someone's ear off if they have a captive audience.
With some people talking is a nervous habit.
Your customer's knowledge of her house's history sounds like a bit of an obsession. Most of us do not know the history of our homes. And if we have a history with our homes we don't necessarily think about telling people about it in great detail. So, to me, her home seems to have become an obsession, and if you know many people with obsessions, you know they often talk about them frequently.
That is my best guess based on your description.
That definitely fits me, too. Not always, I mean I'm generally bubbly in general, but, especially if someone is hard to read or in a position of authority, I just start babbling, and the quieter they stay, the more nervous it makes me and the more I babble, while in my head I'm going "Stop talking!!"
when you get older,you get less chance to talk to people and want to. Just some people still might be able to hold up some,while others let go too much
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the bathroom! He'll get very in-your-face when he's cornered you in whatever corner you were trying to escape to, eliminating all personal space (in contrast to his normal diatribe mode). It's F--ing FREAKY!
