Suggestions of cutting off contact (person, holidays, kiss, abuse)
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I have a colleague who has been unemployed for an extended period of time (9 months). Honestly, she was overpaid in her previous role and is now coming to grips with some of the harsh realities of this economy. She is low on skills and high on what she thinks she is worth.
I gave her odd jobs and have lent a few hundred dollars once at the beginning of this cycle (not since). She always finds excuses why she can't go to a restaurant and wait tables or apply to jobs at Macy's over the holidays-- bottom line, she thinks she is too good for these roles and would rather just complain and ask for handouts. Meanwhile she drives a Mercedes and wears $500 shoes. I suggest selling some of her high end clothing online, and she wants me to spend hours showing her how. I don't have the time, energy or inclination. She pressures me to send around her resume (we are in the same field) and I have done so, but her expectations are unrealistic. When she gets a bite, she finds a reason why she can't take the job or go to the interview. The story is starting to sound very tired.
Recently she had a birthday. I was going out for dinner that night with a group of friends, so I offered to treat her. I had a moment where I felt badly for her-- alone on her birthday, no income, etc. She came, and we behaved as we normally do, which is to say we had fun, ate and drank at a nice place. The next day I got a call that she didn't "connect" with my friends and basically wants to spend time with me one on one. She then proceeded to imply that one of my friends has a substance abuse problem (not true).
I am about to cut off all contact. Suggestions for what to say or how to approach?
Delete her from Facebook, stop answering the phone when she calls.... she will figure it out. You don't owe it to her to be her friend and from the sounds of it she is disrespecting your friends and just using you. You don't even own her an explanation. No one needs friends like that. Just walk away.
I find it highly disrespectful to just disappear, no matter how bad a person is.
I see no reason to give someone respect when they have not seen fit to give to you.
If a person notices a patter in which all of their friends silently vanish they might begin to look more closely at themselves as to why and either choose to change or not. That's up to them.
I think, you show you are the better person in explaining why you can't be around that person anymore. If you just disappear, you are no better than them.
I have had alot of first dates in the last half year. All guys told me I look much better as on my pics. Everybody acted overly excited that I cook and bake. however, most guys I liked disappeared after the first date. Some because I didnt kiss them right away. But most - I have no clue, why. Now I am trying to figure out what I did wrong and it causes me a big headache. If the guys just would tell me "hey, you smell" or "dress better", I would know what to change. Now I am totally insecure and keep analyzing every sentence that I exchanged with these guys to figure out, where I need to improve. Sucks, because it takes the whole fun out of meeting new people
I think, you show you are the better person in explaining why you can't be around that person anymore. If you just disappear, you are no better than them.
Who says you need to be better than anyone? Who says you always need to treat every person with respect, even when they don't deserve it? And who says you can't sometimes be selfish?
We each live our life the best we can. Taking care of yourself sometimes means that you have to stop taking care of everyone else.
I have a colleague who has been unemployed for an extended period of time (9 months). Honestly, she was overpaid in her previous role and is now coming to grips with some of the harsh realities of this economy. She is low on skills and high on what she thinks she is worth.
I gave her odd jobs and have lent a few hundred dollars once at the beginning of this cycle (not since). She always finds excuses why she can't go to a restaurant and wait tables or apply to jobs at Macy's over the holidays-- bottom line, she thinks she is too good for these roles and would rather just complain and ask for handouts. Meanwhile she drives a Mercedes and wears $500 shoes. I suggest selling some of her high end clothing online, and she wants me to spend hours showing her how. I don't have the time, energy or inclination. She pressures me to send around her resume (we are in the same field) and I have done so, but her expectations are unrealistic. When she gets a bite, she finds a reason why she can't take the job or go to the interview. The story is starting to sound very tired.
Recently she had a birthday. I was going out for dinner that night with a group of friends, so I offered to treat her. I had a moment where I felt badly for her-- alone on her birthday, no income, etc. She came, and we behaved as we normally do, which is to say we had fun, ate and drank at a nice place. The next day I got a call that she didn't "connect" with my friends and basically wants to spend time with me one on one. She then proceeded to imply that one of my friends has a substance abuse problem (not true).
I am about to cut off all contact. Suggestions for what to say or how to approach?
I guess it would be a hard adjustment to go from making a good wage to one that's waaay lower..I think your lending her money like you did and treating her to dinner was real nice...The fact that you "send around her resume" was more than a lot of people would do, especially when she's capable of doing it herself....Sounds to me like the only real reason she wants to spend "time with me one on one" could be because she might find it harder to leech off you with others around to see it.
You should just be frank..tell her you have no more money to spare, and you wish her luck.
She sounds like she's just taking advantage of you.
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tell her you have no more money to spare, and you wish her luck.
