Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Backgound:
me-American-Latino.30s.
Her -European. late 20s
Relationship type: strictly friendship. No sexual interest 2 ways.
I have a friend of three years. As mentioned above, shes european. Move to the US five years ago. We've been around each other socially within circles. Shes a nuice gal but really have no interest in pursuing the friendship further than among our social circle.
Why?
We come from two different backgrounds. Our values are simply different. I know she enjoys being around me but i simply dont respect many things she believes. Primarily gender roles.
Like most women, she was brought up with notion a guy should pay for things, open doors, give women special treatment.
Those arent my values. I am a different person. I treat everyone equally regardless who they are but refuse to be responsible for , take care of, pay for any woman or provide special accommodation for them. i really do feel friendships are no exception to this.
This is an issue in the friendship and something we're constantly bumping heads with. Personally, how she handles men is her perogative but i hate being imposed certain expectation.
i can respect we're different as long as my differences are also being respected.
We have a good group of friends and really unsure how to really set these boundaries.. I dont mind being friends with her but there needs to be firm ground between me and my female friends.
like i said, i can respect their differences but they need to respect mine
Boundaries have to be communicated, either in body language or verbally.
So if your boundary is the expectation that you have to pay for her in social settings just because she's a female, hopefully you've communicated that to her and she will not impose on that boundary.
I do think the being expected to open the door boundary is a little silly though.
If its not working just keep your distance. Refuse circumstances that are awkward or not enjoyable. And, tell her your thoughts - perhaps she will self select out - but I doubt it. People like that just hang on.
OP, you need to give us some specific examples of how you're "bumping heads". It's impossible for us to comment and be helpful without examples of the dialogue between you.
Backgound:
me-American-Latino.30s.
Her -European. late 20s
Relationship type: strictly friendship. No sexual interest 2 ways.
I have a friend of three years. As mentioned above, shes european. Move to the US five years ago. We've been around each other socially within circles. Shes a nuice gal but really have no interest in pursuing the friendship further than among our social circle.
Why?
We come from two different backgrounds. Our values are simply different. I know she enjoys being around me but i simply dont respect many things she believes. Primarily gender roles.
Like most women, she was brought up with notion a guy should pay for things, open doors, give women special treatment.
Those arent my values. I am a different person. I treat everyone equally regardless who they are but refuse to be responsible for , take care of, pay for any woman or provide special accommodation for them. i really do feel friendships are no exception to this.
This is an issue in the friendship and something we're constantly bumping heads with. Personally, how she handles men is her perogative but i hate being imposed certain expectation.
i can respect we're different as long as my differences are also being respected.
We have a good group of friends and really unsure how to really set these boundaries.. I dont mind being friends with her but there needs to be firm ground between me and my female friends.
like i said, i can respect their differences but they need to respect mine
Most of those things are rules with girlfriends/romantic partners, not platonic friends. Opening doors may be a common courtesy, but paying for things? Why would you pay for things for her if your relationship is platonic?
You're not really a friend if you're concerned about who opens the door. You're not really a friend if you lump her into a gender category.
You'd be angry if I said I have to set boundaries with Latino men because of their cultural machismo problems. It's no fun to be stereotyped.
Get over yourself.
This is exactly the attitude from a female that makes me turn my shoulder. Reality check , if doing any of those things are the only means of establishing a relationship with a woman, then i have no interest in being involved with that person.
Men dont owe you crap. I'm not anyones father.Sorry you were misinformed.
This is exactly the attitude from a female that makes me turn my shoulder. Reality check , if doing any of those things are the only means of establishing a relationship with a woman, then i have no interest in being involved with that person.
Men dont owe you crap. I'm not anyones father.Sorry you were misinformed.
Could you please define what friendship is to you? No one said opening doors, etc, are the only ways to establish friendships, but doesn't everyone go out of their way for a friend? Doesn't that consideration and intimacy (non-sexual) differentiate friends from acquaintances or strangers, male or female?
I echo Vic 2.0--what exactly has happened with this girl? Why all the anger?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
