Your rules: talking about people behind back. (wife, spouse, husband)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Lets talk about people who talk about people behind their back. Dont you hate those people??
Pst. Dont tell em I said that!
:wink:
Seriously though, I really dislike talking bad about people ...esp behind their back. Or, if I (or person talking) wouldn't say it to their face.
Especially coming from a family STEEPED in dysfunctional communication with a mom that turned everyone against each other, etc. Etc. And nothing ever ever ever said directly to the person you take issue with.
At the same time... occasionally I find myself doing this with my wife about people she / I work with.
Which seems OK to me.
Separately, I've been caught informing one coworker that another was talking behind her back...and had that totally blow up in my face and then both got together and hated me. Lol.
How do you handle gossipy people like that?
For instance, my sib used to call and kvetch about dear ol mom for hours...tiring. And sib would never tell mom any of these grievances to her face. Finally, told sib to chill. I was tired of this gossiping back biting. Sib freaks out on me and begins campaign, with dear ol mom, against yours truly.
Of course, nothing is said directly. That would be too honest and healthy for this family. I just see them around each other more and cutting glances, tittering, and passively aggressively giving me the for years on end.
Annnyway. Got pro tips on this? Where do you draw the line when it comes to 'gossip' and 'talking behind people's backs'...?
Here's my take on it: people will gossip, it's human nature. If you don't want to participate in it - kudos, all the better for you - but don't lecture others about it and for the love of god, don't interfere or "tell on" someone gossiping, or just get involved in any way - it'll only backfire on you, as you've found it. People also will take offense to someone implying that they're evil gossipers. Keep your mouth shut; listen and nod along or zone out if someone's telling you gossip; or, if you really don't want to hear it, try to change the subject or just say it outright but not in an accusatory way - as in, you know, I really don't know X all that well to say anything about her, I'm not very good at analyzing other people - say it with a bit of humor in a lighthearted tone, and people won't react badly to it.
I don't gossip, and I try to change the subject when people I'm with start.
However, people do need to vent, and I think you HAVE to be able to get some things off your chest with someone like a spouse. Getting a little affirmation from someone you love and trust, like your husband, can be therapeutic when you work with someone who you have conflict with.
Didn't you ever hear Chris Rock's routine about a husband listening to his wife "unload" after work? "I told you that b*tch crazy!" LOL
Family members like your sister can be the same way. I'm sure Sis needs to vent sometimes, although hours on the phone is excessive.
In general, you can only control what comes out of your own mouth.
Yup, talking ill of people says way more about the gossiper than that person.
The old one finger pointing at them, but 3 are pointing at you.
Sometimes you really want to vent..so vent to someone that does NOT know
who you're talking about..no names...if you feel very irked.
I had lunch with a friend that started a sentence, "Just like when Sharon and
Bob didn't pay me back the $150,000 on time...."
My hand went up SO FAST!, " Ah, we can't talk about them...can't go there."
They are my friends of 38 YEARS! I know her for 2 years....she had to know
right away...no.
Boundaries.
At work, you have to be known as the guy that won't gossip...just be straight and smile,
" Sorry, you know how it is, I just can't gossip at work." And walk away with a smile to show there's no judgment.
I try not to talk behind people's backs, but I often find myself doing it. I think I get it from my mom & my sister, since they do it a lot. I have been trying to catch myself & keep things more positive, though.
I try to avoid all gossip/back talking at work...nothing is worse than 'work' drama.
Had a co-worker once (whose wife is also a co-worker) try to tell me some juicy gossip about another co-worker.
I stopped him before any detail and said "I don't know and I don't want to know--it's none of my business."
His response was "but don't you want to know about. . .?"
I asked if it had anything to do with my work or the company and he replied "well, no. . . " And I said again that it was none of my business--he was SHOCKED at that.
Just stay the hell out of it--ALWAYS and in EVERY situation.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
for years on end.
