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This year, we told all adult siblings (in their 40s and 50s) NO GIFTS PLEASE!!! We had discussed this last year also, but couldn't get a general consensus on it so the whole idea sort of floundered. This year my BIL is out of work, and their budget is limited. So we called and said, "Hey, let's just get together and FORGET ABOUT THE GIFTS - just enjoy a great holiday meal together and some time together." Nope, they had already bought gifts.
Here's the crazy thing - every year my husband gives his brother a $50 gift card to Lowes, and his brother gives HIM a $50 gift card to Lowes. RIDICULOUS!
But they started this after several years of us getting really weird gifts from the BIL and SIL - one year they gave my husband a KITE. (Not a particularly cool one either.) The next year they gave him - the alpha male, oil and gas industry, hard hat and steel toed boots wearing man - a DVD of "Princess Bride." OMG.
So - after that weirdness, we decided turn about was fair play. We got them the Jackass game.
The year after that, the two brothers started buying each other identical Lowes gift cards. Oh, well, it beats kites and 25 year old medieval fantasy movie DVDs.
You sound like Scrooge. Christmas is a time for giving and receiving gracefully.
Mindless gift giving is not being graceful -- it is usually a one upsmanship thing.
OP explained that he has told everyone - he is not sending gifts. It is awkward to keep getting gifts when you are not sending them.
And it is obvious that by sending a gift card, his sibling is just "marking him off the list" so she can say she sent a gift.
If he doesn't want to exchange gifts, he should be "forced" into it! There is no reason that adult siblings should feel it is "expected" to send gifts to one another.
He is not being Scrooge - sending a mindless gift just b/c he feels he "must" would be hypocritical and meaningless.
I am about to this point - I am about to just stop buying adults (siblings and parents) Christmas presents! I will give them plenty of warning!
Then if they choose to buy me one -well, that's awfully sweet, and thank you. Then - that's it. It might be awkward, but if they're truly giving a gift out of only generosity of spirit, then it shouldn't bother them.
I say this because my husband and I have FIVE grown kids and SEVEN grandchildren. I prefer spending money on them - and that's a huge passel of people to buy for. Plus, several of them (and all the grandchildren) live out of the country. We just spent $150 on postage alone a few weeks ago! Come on, man - we need to catch a break somewhere.
All the adults in our family have all we could possibly need and nearly everything we want anyway. No needs at all. I'd rather just enjoy a good meal together and focus the gift giving on the kids and grandkids.
Last edited by KathrynAragon; 12-18-2013 at 10:46 AM..
The very creepy feeling coming over me is that so many respondents don't understand the definition of "gift".
Please look it up, Wartrace and, when you've done that, look up "gift recipient protocol" and read accordingly.
This thread and the responses make me even more thankful that I live in the "real" world with "real" friends with whom I can talk either face to face or via snail or email. I'm not in the least bit religious but the term, "Jesus Wept" sums it up.
I am 50 years old and have tried to get my siblings off the "gift giving" thing with me. My parents are still alive and they never exchanged gifts with their siblings. For some reason my siblings insist on sending me gifts. I am just not into it. Rather than respect my feelings they send me something anyways.
Now to my "was this tacky" question. I have a sibling that always sends me a "PetSmart" gift card. The nearest "PetSmart" is 50 miles away from me and I find their items to be overpriced compared to my regular suppliers. (In other words I was not going to use the card)
This sibling has some pet cats so I figured that I would use the gift card to purchase a gift card to send back. I figure that she must like Petsmart and there is one near her since she has sent these cards for the past few years.
Was it tacky of me?
Someone sending you a gift does not obligate you to send one back. In fact, I give gifts with zero thought or expectation of what I will be receiving in return. That is not the point of gift giving.
PetSmart also has a website. You can use the card there. No need to drive 50 miles.
I don't think your gift was tacky, but it was kind of lame.
Back to the subject ... to the OP, your sister obviously cares enough about you to send something. Count that as a blessing, even if the gift isn't something you want. Thank your sister. You have no obligation to send her a gift.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 12-18-2013 at 01:36 PM..
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I am just not into it. Rather than respect my feelings they send me something anyways.
