I'm giving up on having straight male friends (house, conversation, friendship)
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Good. Takes some females longer than others to accept this reality. Some are just deer-in-the-headlights thinking "oh no, my male friends are just friends, they're not interested in me!!" Denial or oblivious.
I am so glad that I realised this at a young age and stopped believing this pop culture lie.
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We men get attracted to cool females. It's in our blood. Any male who tells you otherwise is lying to you.
"Cool females"? Don't you mean "hot females"? The word cool doesn't sound right here.
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Just to be clear - they're acting that way because they don't understand why you're fine being friends with them but don't consider them date worthy. I speak from experience: It's not a good feeling, especially when from the guy's perspective, you repeatedly date jerks yet continue to overlook the good men around you that obviously treat you better. Now maybe that's because you refuse to approach guys. Point is, most of those guys are probably in the same boat you are - if you haven't reached out to them to show them clear interest, you might just be shy, but instead of going the other direction, they lash out in frustration.
That makes no sense whatsoever.
My criteria for friendship is much looser than my criteria for relationships. I have friends who I would never consider dating. Friendship is not a stepping stone towards sex or romance. That's what dating is for. My three main deal breakers are:
1) No smokers. I hate the smell and I'm mildly allergic.
2) No men who want children. I'm childfree. I have my reasons for not wanting children. Don't even bother to say "But what if you meet a man who wants to have kids?" Duh, I simply won't date him. I'm not going to have a child I don't want just to "buy" a man's love.
3) No religious men. I'm an agnostic atheist. I generally dislike organized religion and I have found that I get along better with non-religious people.
I will reject any men who smoke or want kids or are religious right off the bat. It makes no sense for me not to.
It doesn't matter if how well a smoking, religious man who wants to have kids treats me because we aren't compatible. Why should I date a man who isn't compatible with me? We would have no future. Why should I waste my most eligible years on a relationship that won't last, when I could be single and free to date a man who is right for me? Of course, the mere fact that a man is non-religious, a non-smoker and childfree isn't an automatic shoe-in, but it's a good start. At this point in time, I would be willing to go on at least one date with any single, non-smoking childfree man, since childfree men are so hard to find in the first place.
I don't date jerks and I don't believe most women do either. Maybe you just think women date jerks because you view the guys who get to date the women you are attracted to as your competition. I could say "Men only want to date stupid girls" but that's not true. Sad to say, beautiful women are often stupid because many of them were never forced to work on their inner selves because they were revered for their beauty from day one. Men like stupid, beautiful women in spite of their stupidity, not because of it. Same thing with women. Women love confident men and jerks are arrogant, which can be easily confused for confidence.
In most societies, men make the first move. It is what it is.
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Where have you been?
The days of guys hitting on women just to be shot down are long gone. If you, as a woman, treat a guy "too nice", you need to understand that 9 out of 10 men are going to eventually try to get in your pants. That's called mixed signals. They're easy to avoid: be respectful and friendly without being too nice. Be professional, not personal. Be clear about the boundaries long before you do anything or go anywhere with a guy you're not interested in. You say it's as simple as asking you out shortly after getting to know you? That is NOT typical of American women who are generally looking for something so specific that they would shoot guys down, even alienate them, for doing something as simple as asking a girl out for coffee.
I told all of my male friends that I had a boyfriend. That did not stop most of them from hitting on me. I don't understand how a man can stoop so low as to try to steal another man's girlfriend.
OK let me put it plainly. A mosquito flies up to 25 miles for a good meal. Similarly, men can do lots of mind boggling things if they think there's a remote possibility of a roll in the hay. Nothing else matters to them, with very little exceptions. If you are not family or one of their friends' exes, you are a good candidate. In this hunt they are goal driven, just like the mosquitoes. Rememebr this for the next 20 or 30 years.
OK let me put it plainly. A mosquito flies up to 25 miles for a good meal. Similarly, men can do lots of mind boggling things if they think there's a remote possibility of a roll in the hay. Nothing else matters to them, with very little exceptions. If you are not family or one of their friends' exes, you are a good candidate. In this hunt they are goal driven, just like the mosquitoes. Rememebr this for the next 20 or 30 years.
Heh, that reminds me of a funny story.
A few years ago, I was chatting online to some guy. I was in and still am in Australia and he was located in the US.
We swapped face pics and then he asked me "If I flew to Australia, would you have sex with me?"
I was flabbergasted. Who could be so desperate for sex that they would fly to the other side of the planet just to have it? Him, apparently.
As a man, do you think that you could became friends with an unattractive (let's say she is 200 pounds overweight) female friend and develop feelings for her over time?
I don't think so. Let's face it, humans are shallow. Most men would never ever give a woman a chance if she isn't decent looking. Men (and women) want beauty first, then they pay attention to personality, but in most cases, a good personality cannot overcome an unattractive appearance.
I guess you haven't met me and my friend who I once fell for over time: she was 5'4" and well over 200ibs. Yes, we ended up dating. We're not together anymore, but we are still great friends.
Obviously, most people are superficial. It's human nature (well, some is social conditioning). I'm sure you even had to be attracted to your boyfriend before you dated him, right? Also, I agree that, for the most part, "looks gets you in the door." I've said it plenty of times on this forum. Regardless, that doesn't mean that every person is immediately attracted to a person because they're decent looking. If I'm friends with a beautiful woman and she smokes, NOTHING will make me want to be with her. If I'm friends with an unattractive woman and some kind of chemistry develops between us over time, I'd definitely pursue it.
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Originally Posted by StabbyAbby
I seriously doubt that every single man that the woman you have feelings for dates just happens to be a jerk.
Maybe you just think he is a jerk because he is your competition and he has the woman that you want.
By the way, women love confidence in men. Jerks are arrogant, which is often mistaken for confidence. But most women wouldn't date a jerk if he wasn't good looking enough.
My point was that men are really the problem when complaining about women dating douchebags. If a man sees that a woman has a habit of going out with cheaters/abusers, why should he subject himself to that? She obviously has a type she'll stick to and you (the nice guy) are not it.
I'm a straight male who has a couple of true female friends and who tends to get along
with (some) women very well.
To be completely truthfull, I was in love with one of those women 20 years ago, as a teen.
There is no ambiguity at all between us right now though . The love thing was a long, long time ago.
I consider her a true and precious friend and I get along quite fine with her husband.
I've had a couple of female friends whom I found sexually attractive. I've never considered myself friendzoned though, because although I'd have probably liked to sleep with them, not getting to sleep with them was not a problem at all and I had all kinds of other valid reasons to be their friend.
I understand that this is quite rare among straight males though so I won't pretent that it's generally easy for males and females to be just friends. I know I can. I have lots of experience with it. I have another guy friend of mine who also has female friends. Both of us are straight guys who lack interest in some of the more typical male topics like sports. In his case of mine, not getting to sleep with a woman would not in itself be a reason to stop being friends.
I've had the experience of women getting really frustrated and stopping being friendly when their advances were refused, lol.
I guess you haven't met me and my friend who I once fell for over time: she was 5'4" and well over 200ibs. Yes, we ended up dating. We're not together anymore, but we are still great friends.
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I once started to develop feelings for a girl at work that I'd hang out with a lot.
She definitely wasn't my usual type ( in her case, way too thin and not a very cute face) but there was something about her whole personality and just her "way" that ended up being very attractive! I did not express those feelings though, as she had a bf and i don't think she was into me.
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I can tell when a guy who is friendly towards me is hoping for something more, and I pull away from that person quickly if I'm not interested in him romantically or sexually. No need to give them the impression that I'm being a tease or leading them on, and no need for me to become fond of someone who's going disappear when he realizes I'm not into him like that.
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There's a female colleague I enjoy having lunch with. We're good friends at work.
I do find her attractive. She's married though, so nothing's ever going to happen. We've been eating lunch several times a week for almost a year and I don't have her number and we're not even connected on facebook. She's smart and has interesting things to say so I enjou her company for that reason.
I think I'm making it pretty clear that I have no hidden motives
I think that if she had feelings for me she'd have at least tried to meet outside of work so I think we're on the same page when it comes to how we view the relationship we have.
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