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He's the one who left! Not her. He could have had an excellent education and remained with his family.
I'm talking to him because he's the one asking for help and he doesn't seem to have any idea why his wife is the way she is. There are always two sides. If he's never listened to her about the abandonment, never appreciated how difficult it was for her, she'll never be able to move on and that effects both of them.
I agree that situation should never have happened, as I stated earlier. With that being said, I do think she should get over it. She shouldn't be using that close to two decades later as an excuse/manipulator.
As far as the post about the vacation, I think that's simply overanalyzing.
He's the one who left! Not her. He could have had an excellent education and remained with his family.
I'm talking to him because he's the one asking for help and he doesn't seem to have any idea why his wife is the way she is. There are always two sides. If he's never listened to her about the abandonment, never appreciated how difficult it was for her, she'll never be able to move on and that effects both of them.
What rule says she gets to decide where to live and not him? He had an education at ND paid for and she refused to go.
What rule says she gets to decide where to live and not him? He had an education at ND paid for and she refused to go.
He left their home. They had always lived in Chicago, he left. His wife's family was there, her job, her friends, and his family and friends. His parents said they would pay for his college anywhere but they liked Notre Dame. He did what they wanted, not what his wife wanted. Ummm........sounds familiar doesn't it? Is his son doing the same thing? Making his mother happy over everyone else? That's what usually happens, people repeat the family pattern that they grew up with.
Who can say how long it should take someone else to 'get over it', particularly if no one ever bothered to hear you out? How long should it take a wife to get over an infidelity? How long to get over an abandonment? The spouse has to listen and really hear the damage that they did, or the injured spouse will never get over it.
So, let me see if I understand this: LillyJo believes that I hated my family so much that I went to an out of state school( and lets not act like I went from Chicago to UCLA, ND is just over 2 hours away) so that I could party and act like a college frat boy? Totally ignoring the fact that, I called almost every night, once in a blue moon I was too swamped and had we had texting back then, I would've texted her at least. Ignoring the fact that I got a job to help out financially, sending 100% of everything I earned to them. Had I not had them at home, I wouldn't have had to get a job in college. Ignoring that, on a personal level. My side of the room was filled with pictures of them and stuff that they gave me. If I was really trying to act like I didn't have a wife or a son, I probably wouldn't have put a picture of the 3 of us by my bed would I? No, I would've kept it hidden to appear " normal".
I never said any of that. I have no idea why you chose to leave your wife for 6 years to go away to school, other than that's what your mother wanted you to do.
Can somebody explain to me why LillyJo is riding me about college choices? That's done and over with. I went there, graduated, got a fantastic job with that degree, and can now afford a very nice lifestyle for all of us.
And you couldn't have done the same thing in Chicago and spent those 6 years with your wife and child? Of course you could have. You had a choice, do what was best for your wife, or go to the school that your parents preferred. You said they would have paid for U of Chicago or Northwestern but they were Notre Dame fans so you did what they wanted and went to Notre Dame.
I wonder how your wife feels about you being such a big Irish Fan? Did she look fondly on those years when she was a struggling single parent for the first 6 years of your child's life or is your love of the Irish a cruel reminder of the worst 6 years of her life? Have you ever asked her? You obviously loved Notre Dame even though it meant a 6 year separation from your wife and child. Weird. Very weird.
He left their home. They had always lived in Chicago, he left. His wife's family was there, her job, her friends, and his family and friends. His parents said they would pay for his college anywhere but they liked Notre Dame. He did what they wanted, not what his wife wanted. Ummm........sounds familiar doesn't it? Is his son doing the same thing? Making his mother happy over everyone else? That's what usually happens, people repeat the family pattern that they grew up with.
I've been following this saga for months on three different threads. I'm not going to argue with a newcomer about who was at fault 20 years ago. Obviousllay living apart those years damaged their relationship. I think they were both at fault as well as their parents for making a poor decision. Instead of pointing fingers they need to acknowledge their feelings about the past and move on. What happened then is no excuse for his wife behaving like a spoiled child at almost 40 years old.
LilyJo is right, I stayed at ND for 6 years because I had such a desire to leave my wife and child behind, I despised them. Both are nothing more than blood sucking leaches. I never called or studied, my days were spent drinking Bud Light, flirting with every girl in South Bend, living and dying with every football game. LilyJo, you got me. Haha, yeah right. BTW, my mom went to a small school in Sioux City and my dad went to San Diego State, neither one was an ND fan.
Last edited by irishfan77; 05-08-2014 at 06:05 PM..
I never said any of that. I have no idea why you chose to leave your wife for 6 years to go away to school, other than that's what your mother wanted you to do.
Actually you did on 5/4. Your exact quote was "But your life wasn't. You went off to college, partying and all that stuff"
I never said any of that. I have no idea why you chose to leave your wife for 6 years to go away to school, other than that's what your mother wanted you to do.
That's what I wanted to do. Why I wanted to do I'll say for the 6th time, I wanted the best education possible. I'm not going to argue N'Western vs. U of Chicago vs. ND with you. I visited all three and like ND the most. I find it very hard to believe you went to college to be honest.
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