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OP: I hate to say this, but there is something in you that is attracting all of these weirdos to you. This doesn't happen to most people. It's beyond bizarre.
Actually, I think what happens is that these weirdos are trolling, as I said. They can only hook susceptible people. I fall for the "Oh, I wish I had a ride to the foodbank...or whatever" Only the idiotic susceptible people bite that hook. They just troll and troll, waiting for a bite. It's on me for biting.
I have a theory as to why some people like to make 'blame/discredit the victim' type of posts. I suspect it is because they are users/abusers themselves
Anyway, I'm with you OP. I need to learn to rein in the friendly, myself. Its not easy and seems kind of lonely, but I bet it's less lonely than realizing that the only reason someone wants to see or talk to you is when you are again going out of your way for them simply because they said jump.
I like the suggestion of not doing anything for 'free'. Not that everything should be a tit for tat running tally, but I think it might help weed out the users in the beginning. I'm going to start employing this in my own life
Thanks. Funny, I've realized that on any forum, no matter the subject matter or the question, or the facts in that question, there are bullies. They don't bother me so much anymore. I just sift through the worthless posts to find out what I wanted to know. And, I have recently used the Ignore feature for the biggest bully on my favorite forum. It's heaven. I highly suggest using it. It's like they're in the room with you, but with a gag on he he!
Yes, my mission is to not bite when someone mentions a "need." That will be my next goal. When someone says, oh darn, wish I had a ride to the doctor's office, or I don't know what to do with my dog next week... I am going to 1) keep my mouth shut or 2) say something ineffectual, like, yeah, that's a drag...
One thing at a time, eh? Like I said, I used to let them move in, or marry them LOL! At least I put the kabash on the ER lady after a couple of months. Obviously, still need work, but getting better...
I guess the good thing about her going off in front of other tenants, is that word probably got around that you can't depend on me, at least LOL! Works for me!
Lol at the comment about sorting your neighbors like laundry.
I have observed this behavior often in people who live in apartment complexes...negotiating rides, asking for favors, taking advantage, not necessarily being terribly functional, getting into others' business. It's not at all unusual.
If I were you, I would enjoy the neverending array of quirky people and learn to set boundaries you can live with.
Thanks. Funny, I've realized that on any forum, no matter the subject matter or the question, or the facts in that question, there are bullies. They don't bother me so much anymore. I just sift through the worthless posts to find out what I wanted to know. And, I have recently used the Ignore feature for the biggest bully on my favorite forum. It's heaven. I highly suggest using it. It's like they're in the room with you, but with a gag on he he!
Yes, my mission is to not bite when someone mentions a "need." That will be my next goal. When someone says, oh darn, wish I had a ride to the doctor's office, or I don't know what to do with my dog next week... I am going to 1) keep my mouth shut or 2) say something ineffectual, like, yeah, that's a drag...
One thing at a time, eh? Like I said, I used to let them move in, or marry them LOL! At least I put the kabash on the ER lady after a couple of months. Obviously, still need work, but getting better...
I guess the good thing about her going off in front of other tenants, is that word probably got around that you can't depend on me, at least LOL! Works for me!
What about coming back with a need of your own and see how they respond? Especially if it is something they could help with. If they can, and they don't - you have your answer as to their category.
Just lock yourself in your damn apartment, leave a "Get off my lawn" note on the door and go on with your life! WHAT neighbors? Stop being nice and grow some stones. Problem solved!
Having observed my mother's retirement community, I can say I'm not surprised by the OP's post. My mom is in an "over 55" development. HOLY CRIPES there are a ton of crazy people there. Now, don't get me wrong, my mother has made a lot of wonderful friends, but I think the situation also tends to attract people who are bad at building their own communities, if you get what I mean. By buying a home in one of those places, dysfunctional people are provided with a sort of "ready made" group of friends due to all the activities and events. They will be automatically included at first, and it's only after they do something totally off the wall that they will be excluded. So basically, they just have to avoid showing TOO MUCH of their crazy.
Honestly, my mother's community is like a wrinkly, saggy high school. Cattiness, backstabbing, bullying, gossiping, cheating etc. are the norms. I'm glad my mother has been able to sift out the undesirables for the most part, and I will happily spend an evening with her and her closest friends there. However, I avoid the "community" events she likes to attend.
I'm a weirdo magnet too. It's happened to me in several places where we lived. I'm not 55+ so it's mostly people wanting stuff done for their kids...I think part of why it happens to me is that I can do a lot of things that most people my age don't learn how to do anymore. I have a neighbor who sometimes sends her kids over with clothing that she wants mended...the first time I did it because the kid told me a sob story about how she had to go to a party and her mom was going to make her wear it anyhow with her underpants showing. After that I learned not to open the door to them. And then there's the family down the street who decided since I homeschool, they should send their little boy over to play whenever they have a school holiday, for the entire day, even though I don't have any boys and my kids are twice his age. Or the one who showed up on my doorstep one day wanting to know if I could keep her kid while she went to sell plasma (I did watch her kid, figuring she must be desperate if she was selling plasma, but when she got back she told me that's how she adds to her vacation fund).
My husband is a pro at spotting these kinds of people and he'll tell me when he first meets someone whether or not he thinks they'll be a problem. He can't predict the ones who start out good and go downhill though.
Anyhow, the solution to all of it is just to say, "I'm sorry, that's just not possible right now." And when they ask why not, "Because it's just not possible." I don't always manage to do it, if someone has hungry kids and no food I end up helping them. But I get taken advantage of a lot less than I used to.
Anyhow, the solution to all of it is just to say, "I'm sorry, that's just not possible right now." And when they ask why not, "Because it's just not possible."
I love this! A counselor once told me to tell people that "I have plans" when they'd want me to go out with them or whatever, and I didn't want to go. That was back in my 30's. I used to have a hard time turning down invites, etc.
She said I don't have to explain my plans and they don't have to be important plans. My plans can be - stay at home in my pajamas by myself. She also taught me the broken record technique, where instead of explaining, you just repeat yourself.
I will add the "it's just not possible right now" to my repertoire. And just do the broken record technique, like you said.
This will baffle them when they want a ride to the food giveaways, and I drive off in my car by myself LOL! LMAO, actually!
Now, don't get me wrong, my mother has made a lot of wonderful friends, but I think the situation also tends to attract people who are bad at building their own communities, if you get what I mean. By buying a home in one of those places, dysfunctional people are provided with a sort of "ready made" group of friends due to all the activities and events. They will be automatically included at first, and it's only after they do something totally off the wall that they will be excluded. So basically, they just have to avoid showing TOO MUCH of their crazy.
You nailed it! The chicken man is socially really awkward. He talks loudly and constantly, regardless of whether or not others are involved in a conversation. Like a little kid that never learned the rules of interrupting. I have been in the middle of a conversation, and he'll walk up and start up a separate conversation. Or should I say monologue. The other senior I was talking to completely ignored him - obviously used to him. I couldn't separate them in my mind - who was saying what. I finally had to say, I can't hear either of you right now!
Others have told me they just tell him to be quiet lol! But, I didn't know that right off the bat. He's not senile, just socially awkward, like an untrained child. Weird. He hangs around the community room blabbing to people, most of whom are ignoring him. He goes outside and blabs constantly - same thing.
You know what touches a nerve about all of this to me? I'm fairly certain that those of us who get taken advantage of truly do want to be friendly and neighborly and share companionship and dinner and what not. But when one is constantly used over and over what choice does one have have but locking the door and drawing the blinds? Its because of people like chicken man and (especially) dog lady that people are reluctant to make connections, and I find that sad. The neighborhood we live in now is friendly enough, they might say hi on the street, however a few months after we moved in, I had done a ton of baking and sent my husband out with the warm extras. Not even one in four opened their doors, even tho it was obvious they were home. I prolly have a romanticized idea of what life could be/used to be like, tho. I'd like to go over to the old folks board and ask them about that. I have a feeling they'd tell me I'm making up daydreams :/
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