My husband and his family have not talked for over a year, should I get involved? (spouse, dynamics)
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When my husband would not lend his over spending parents more money they dumped him. The parents have Caller ID on their phone so when they see our number they don't answer. They don't have voice mail or an answering machine. It's been a year and three months since they stopped talking to each other. My husband feels bad but does not want to drive up to his parents house and demand to be let inside to talk. They live 100 miles apart.
Should I drive up there myself and try to talk them into communicating with their son (my husband) again? (I asked my husband about this and he said maybe I should try but was basically non committal.)
My relationship with my husbands family has been formal but polite.
Wives or husbands: Have you ever brokered a compromise or relationship challenges your spouse had with his/her family?
I would leave it alone. It's hurtful, but ultimately his parents are the ones who are going to have to realize there is something wrong with their behavior before there will be any hope of a different relationship. If you guys have been calling and they are not picking up then they know you are willing to reestablish contact. For you to go over there would just be a waste of time, IMHO.
If all the facts are as you have reported them, then your in-laws are genuine sickos and you should focus on supporting your husband in his rational and justified decision to refuse to loan them more money. His parents are the ones resorting to blackmail to get their way. Your husband should stick to his guns and not cave in to the sickness of his self-centered parents. Let them have the joy of dying alone, as it's a situation which they have created. If they come to their senses, they will find a way to communicate with the two of you.
Your husband should find ways to get over "feeling bad".
If all the facts are as you have reported them, then your in-laws are genuine sickos and you should focus on supporting your husband in his rational and justified decision to refuse to loan them more money. His parents are the ones resorting to blackmail to get their way. Your husband should stick to his guns and not cave in to the sickness of his self-centered parents. Let them have the joy of dying alone, as it's a situation which they have created. If they come to their senses, they will find a way to communicate with the two of you.
Your husband should find ways to get over "feeling bad".
This. ^^^ 100%.
They are the aggressors here. And honestly? Even if they were to start talking to him again, it would just be more of the same extortion emotionally and financially. This goes twice over if they talk to him in response to an overture from you or him. That tells them he's back for more punishment.
Maybe you could find a way to point out to him how peaceful your lives have been without them in it.
The previous posters have all given you excellent advice.
Let is be. Just let the parents go. Why in the world would your husband want to re-establish contact with them. It just resets the relationship back to " you better give us your money" status. They are the ones who should be making overtures to your hubby. Not the other way around. He just winds up looking weak.
Simply put, they know where you are, they know how to contact you if they want to. If they get sick, if they need something, believe me, they'll let you know. For now, just stay away from them.
Everyone is in agreement so far. Actually I don't want to talk to them and would be happy to never see them again, but my hubby is so sad. I told him that if they really need money in the future they will find a way to call and act like nothing happened. His Mom and Dad told my husbands sister to not talk to us either and she has followed up and will not return our messages.
Actually the only reason I would want contact is to find out the latest family drama. They have a thousand sad stories I used to follow when we talked, it was so interesting!
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