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Look, you're not interested in helping them based on the first few pages of this thread as you shot down any and all suggestions. You also quite obviously hold them all in dripping contempt.
They absolutely do need help, but your not the person to give it because it seems like your urge to help stems not from compassion but a need to control your own image for whatever woman you set your sights on.
So walk away from them. Cut ties. Neither side is getting anything out of a continued relationship. And maybe if whatever help you're giving them is yanked away, they will actually seek out the help they need.
what does this have to do with anything?
i'm waiting on a company transfer...
just got out of college, moved home last week, and it's the same crappy job i had then...
just transferring divisions..
still no money...even with the job. though, rent is free...so i'm grateful.
i'm stuck here until i can schedule hours.
hopefully in five days.
it's sad, i feel like my family is being torn apart.
Confirming what I thought. Maybe if you concentrated on landing a job that would utilize your degree, you would have more money to move out - and less time to be so melodramatic about your family.
pft...she's 16 years old. unfit for her? then SHE SHOULD CLEAN UP.
It's really "unfit" for my mom. There should be like "old people protective services" that would've come and disciplined my siblings for doing what they did to my mom after I left. I came back from college and I couldn't believe it. I mean, yeah, I knew I was the one that cleaned before...but I thought someone would pick up my slack. Nope.
I don't even know how these people function.
Why are the siblings responsible for the mom? Sounds backwards. The mother is supposed to be responsible for the children. She is very over weight, the kids didn't do that to her. She is lazy, the kids didn't do that to her either. She taught them to be that way because that is the example she set.
Everyone needs to stop playing the blame game and get some help. If they won't accept help, then you should just go.
What if the girl wants to see the house? It reflects badly on me...maybe she won't like me because of it. She shouldn't. I wouldn't if it was her. I expect that she'd come from a well put together household.
I feel sorry for whoever marries my sisters. Either that or they must change.
Maybe just pay someone to clean weekly then. Starting asap, but especially after everyone moves out.
As for me, I just need a couple things to fall in place, but I'm already moving out.
I've been at my mom's house for all of a week and I'm already done. Can't do it. Won't do it. I don't know if I can last another week here.
If your the kind of person that judges someone based on the circumstances they grow up in, rather than the person they have become and are - then you clearly deserve such a clueless, judgmental clown and the probelms that go with that.
Look, you're not interested in helping them based on the first few pages of this thread as you shot down any and all suggestions. You also quite obviously hold them all in dripping contempt.
They absolutely do need help, but your not the person to give it because it seems like your urge to help stems not from compassion but a need to control your own image for whatever woman you set your sights on.
So walk away from them. Cut ties. Neither side is getting anything out of a continued relationship. And maybe if whatever help you're giving them is yanked away, they will actually seek out the help they need.
If your family doesn't even have the pride to bathe themselves, much less keep a clean and orderly house, there isn't much you can do to help them. To remain filthy just because they don't feel like cleaning the shower is pretty serious. I understand they had a live in maid to help with housework in the old country, but didn't they bathe themselves? It's incomprehensible that they could stand being unwashed if they were used to bathing on a regular basis. They need more help than you can give them, but it sounds as though they don't even want help.
If you want a girlfriend to meet your family, you could arrange the meeting in a restaurant or coffee shop. No need to bring the girl to your parents house. In the meantime, move out and keep your own home as clean as you like it. The girl will form an opinion of you based on YOU, not your family.
If your family doesn't even have the pride to bathe themselves, much less keep a clean and orderly house, there isn't much you can do to help them. To remain filthy just because they don't feel like cleaning the shower is pretty serious. I understand they had a live in maid to help with housework in the old country, but didn't they bathe themselves? It's incomprehensible that they could stand being unwashed if they were used to bathing on a regular basis. They need more help than you can give them, but it sounds as though they don't even want help.
If you want a girlfriend to meet your family, you could arrange the meeting in a restaurant or coffee shop. No need to bring the girl to your parents house. In the meantime, move out and keep your own home as clean as you like it. The girl will form an opinion of you based on YOU, not your family.
I was just going to suggest this! A girlfriend can meet your family without going to their house, a house visit isn't compulsory. Just go out to dinner or something, why must they go to their house? Some people have small houses, or live with roommates, or their house is hard to get to, or whatever...I have a lot of kids, so usually the family gatherings were at my house, it was just easier, I have some relatives whose houses I've never been to. That isn't the big problem.
Your mother needs mental health intervention, as probably does your 20 year old sister, and the young one could also use therapy. If you aren't willing to try to help especially your mom getting her mental health assistance, then give up on the house, nothing will ever change. You cannot change someone that is so mentally ill that they are almost 500 pounds and don't bathe. You aren't a doctor, and that is what she needs. YOU cannot fix her.
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