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I was pondering this the other day...
I consider myself a loner by nature, always have been...
So in my 20s & 30s I really didn't care about socializing, etc.
I was also raising my kids, tho.
Now, in my mid 40s-
it's interesting, how many people I know for one thing, (without Fakebook, lol)
but also the people who really just wanna hang out, etc.
Just yesterday, I was coordinating me & a few new chums to take our Harley Davidson classes together......
My only issue is making time for it, as I work so much....
But I definitely feel that I have more acquaintances now than then.
Notice I didn't use the word "friends"
I'm very selective w/ that word....
I believe that people call others "friends" way too easily
Same here. People are quick to accept someone as friends early on and then wonder why they end up disappointed or burned later on. For me it has always been about quality over quantity. My grandfather once told me that if by the end of my life if I have one person I can call a true friend, I have many.
I think it's mainly because they don't feel well like they did years ago.
And people that reach 70 alot of friends and family have died and that would make anyone grouchy.
I can only speak for myself. When I turned 70 a few years ago, It was my friends that turned grouchy, not me.
Actually I think people expect us old folks to be grouchy. It isn't that we are, it is simply we have less in common with the younger people.` We are usually very far from being as helpless as they think we are.
Although we seem to develop a lot of ability to communicate with our grand Children.
I'm fiercely loyal to my friends. They have to really screw me over before I finally get the message, that some of them are not true friends at all but merely people who want to use me.
Gradually I've let go of one childhood friend, who declined to come to my wedding because he was "too broke". Never quite forgave him for that. When I had a child, sent out a birth announcement and he didn't even hit "reply". Turns out he's gone over the deep end and become an enviro-nut who thinks humans should not marry or reproduce.
I agree with others, that you really end up with one or two good true friendships in your life. I don't know why that is. I guess it's like marrying. There are only a few compatible people in the world, I guess.
Friends are like a garden. You tend the flowers, and take out the weeds. I have friends spread all over the country. I don't see them very often, but I tend them and keep in touch. When I see them, its like no time has passed.
You are young, and learning as you go. Your life journey will take you into many situations, and you will make more friends along the way.
Reject the people who don't add to your life, and treasure those who do.
so for folks who are older than me, what advice do you have to give me?
I'm 55 and still meeting new people and making good friends. And my thoughts are for you to keep an open mind about who you think might make good company for you. Also, realize that there's a big difference between casual acquaintances, friends and close friends. Take your time to get to know people. Be a good listener and be alert to red flags. Avoid toxic relationships. Cut off people who seem to be always a "taker" and never giving back to the friendship. Be open to be friendly with people of all ages.
My good friends tend to have similar interests, activities, lifestyles and long term goals. I like people with common sense, love animals, and not addicted to texting. They don't live for the end of the work week so that they can go out partying. Being drunk is not their idea of a good time. And I've noticed that I've met all of them during daylight hours.
I am very close to some of my co-workers. We vent about work, we talk about family, we laugh about life. We don't get together after work because our personal lives are so busy. However, we already spend 40 hours a week together, so what's the need to be in each other's company more? But being with them does lessen my need for the company of friends on my days off. And I do have a boyfriend and my pets.
Anyway, my advice to you is for you making time for some new activities, a new hobby or sport, and then making new acquaintances through that. Or find volunteer work or a part time job one day a week. And seek out the company of older happy people because that may help you shape your future. And I see many young people in their late 20's fussing about how their lives are ending once their turn 30... I had a blast in my 30's and my 40's! I met my boyfriend when I was 45 and we took two awesome roadtrips to the West Coast that summer. And the next year, I was his crew when he and his dad did the Targa Newfoundland Rally.
So I think that you've fished out the small pond social circle you are in. Start visiting some new ponds. A new activity will be the way to meet and bond with them.
I can only speak for myself. When I turned 70 a few years ago, It was my friends that turned grouchy, not me.
Actually I think people expect us old folks to be grouchy. It isn't that we are, it is simply we have less in common with the younger people.` We are usually very far from being as helpless as they think we are.
Although we seem to develop a lot of ability to communicate with our grand Children.
I see it a little differently. Then again, I'm not quite 70 yet, being a few years short. I find myself a lot less tolerant of stupidity. For example; Yeah! I get a little grouchy when stupid drivers go 45-50 mph down our 25-zone residential neighborhood street. There are examples all over the place. I admit that I was 'stupid' once, but have grown and come to realize that such behavior is silly.
Nowhere near helpless. No. I don't need 'help' carrying a 50-pound bag of dog food to the car.
It has been my experience that one tends to call coworkers and parents of their children's friends, FRIENDS. Even though when you leave a job, you don't hear much from those coworkers and when your kids grow up, you don't often keep in touch with those parents.
Read an article once that said the average person in the US in 2004 had just TWO really close friends.
It gets so much harder to make friends as I age. And when somebody makes a physical move to a new location it is really difficult to make friends as a "senior".
When we are raising children our friends (women) tend to be women with children our same age or in same organizations. This is especially true for women who stay at home and don't have a workplace to make friends. Then when the kids are gone we find those friends were not so compatible after we don't have our kids in common any more.
I became more political as i grew older and I just did not want to be around those I felt I did not understand or vice versa.
Then you have some frailties being older brings. Hearing loss, lack of mobility, health limitations, eyesight concerns and for some financial insecurities.
I'm 68 with very few friends. We have two 12 year old (adopted) kids and of course, I don't fit in with their friends parents. I don't fit in with the seniors I know because my life is still children centered.
I have some old friends from my 20s but only 2 really and I don't see them often. We are spread around the country.
I'm much more social than my husband as he has always been a loner and I get very lonely sometimes.
To younger people I say this. If you are thinking about spending the rest of your life with somebody don't be so hung up on sexual compatibility as much as social compatibility. If you like to entertain and he is a loner--believe me you will not change him. if he is the life of the party and you are shy this will come to be a big obstacle in the future. If you like having your friends around you and he likes all his time only with you this will not bode well for the future.
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And the next year, I was his crew when he and his dad did the Targa Newfoundland Rally.
