Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Ok sorry for the novel...but I just want to vent and to also ask some questions to see how people handle these types of situations.
My mother in law just moved down here from Alabama...no warning, no notice...just packed her crap in the car and came here. We were notified that she was here by Tampa General (she drove here and checked in before even calling my husband or me). She came with practically no money and wanted to stay with my husband, me, and our kids. That wasnt happening...so hubby put her up in a rooming house which we pay the rent for each week while trying to find her something more suitable.
Anyways, I feel she is making it a competition between her and me for my husbands attention. (She hadnt seen him in over 8 years before coming down). When he visits her, she gets upset when he says hes leaving to go home to us and will cry to him for him to stay with her. If he mentions something like "my wife makes the best banana nut bread", she will say "oh well Ill have to make mine again so you remember how great mine is"....it is comments like that for anything that he gives me props for, she tries to one up me on everything.
While I was giving birth to our 3rd child, she called and told him that she was going to the hospital because she has a headache and she needed him to come sit with her. Thankfully he didnt go until 5 hours after our baby was born. She does this about once a week though. She will call him and tell him shes going to the hospital and needs company, or that she needs him to drive her places because she doesnt feel good- this always happens when hes not at work but at home spending time with the children and me. She is only 54, so its not like she is a 80 year old feeble woman.
The kicker was this past weekend she came to the house to supposedly visit with her grandchildren. She walks in...I gave her a hug and told my kids "Yay! Grandmaw is here!" I started making dinner for everyone and 2 hours after she came, she storms past me and asks my husband to come outside. He comes back in and told me I made her feel unwelcome when she came in so she is going home. She told my husband she was too drowsy to drive so he needed to drive her home. Needless to say he drove her home and stayed with her that night because she was "so upset". I called her the next morning, apologized that she felt hurt, and asked what exactly I did/said to make her feel unwelcome. She couldnt give me anything exact and instead just told me she got a vibe and that actions speak louder than words.
She is causing alot of problems between my husband and I since she got here and she can do no wrong in his eyes...I am always wrong and she is always right. Ive told my husband my concerns and he just says thats between me and his mom...hes not getting involved. Im really at a loss as to what to do... his mother and I had a great relationship when she wasnt here...but once she got here, its turned completely sour. We are completely supporting her and her habits and it doesnt look like I will luck out anytime soon with her going back North. Im trying to bite my tongue since she is my mother in law and my elder....but its getting harder and harder every day.
Isn't it convenient for your husband to say that it's between you and her?
But it is NOT only between you and her.
HE is her son and married to you. That puts him squarely in the middle. But he has chosen a side already - hers.
That is very unfortunate. I admire you for the straightforward approach you have taken with both of them. It sounds like you are dealing with a classic narcissist, which is NOT easy and not a hopeful situation.
You will not change her. The bad news is that it may take an ultimatum from you for your husband to step up and help out.
I'm a little confused on the timeline. A lot of your complaints sound recent but you said she hadn't seen your husband in 8 years. How does one make herself such a pest on a regular basis, yet not be seen in person in so many years?
I'm a little confused on the timeline. A lot of your complaints sound recent but you said she hadn't seen your husband in 8 years. How does one make herself such a pest on a regular basis, yet not be seen in person in so many years?
Exactly. The son doesn't sound like such a prince if he couldn't be bothered to see his mother for 8 years. I think there is way more to this story.
I'm a little confused on the timeline. A lot of your complaints sound recent but you said she hadn't seen your husband in 8 years. How does one make herself such a pest on a regular basis, yet not be seen in person in so many years?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie
Exactly. The son doesn't sound like such a prince if he couldn't be bothered to see his mother for 8 years. I think there is way more to this story.
Wouldn't it just be a 5 or 6 hour (possibly a little longer) drive from Alabama to Tampa?
I'm a little confused on the timeline. A lot of your complaints sound recent but you said she hadn't seen your husband in 8 years. How does one make herself such a pest on a regular basis, yet not be seen in person in so many years?
Everything I mentioned has happened between the end of February and now. That is when she got here, the end of February. They didnt see each other for 8 years because they had a falling out about a situation that happened when his sister passed away. That is also when my husband moved to Florida so he wasnt local to her anymore. They started talking on the phone and he forgave her 4 years ago. Maybe that clarifies the timeline some?...
Also not that it matters....but she abandoned him on his grandmaws porch when he was 7, didnt raise him or see him from 7-15 years old. I know my husband's not perfect but I think he has more than enough reasons to have not visited his mom for 8 years.
makes you wonder what changed in her life that she had to move NOW ? unless she woke up one morning & decided today was the day to make your life hell....
You don't have a MIL problem. You have a spousal problem. Come to terms with him, and let him set boundaries with his mother.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Exactly. The son doesn't sound like such a prince if he couldn't be bothered to see his mother for 8 years. I think there is way more to this story.
