Question About Friendship (guilty, person, roommate, house)
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Is she really guilting you into taking her on as a tenant or is that in your head? Can't is a word that can be lightly used, but if she's throwing it in your face, that's a different story.
Regardless it seems like you don't entirely trust her, so don't rent to her.
Just tell her that you're not interested in having a roommate. You enjoy the privacy of living alone.
That ^^^ is all that matters. The financial status of either of you is quite secondary. If you don't need any extra money to keep up your house at this time and are enjoying the status quo, there is absolutely no reason to take on a boarder. If she can afford her own place (even if she does have to move), then she really doesn't "need" to live with you.
If your assumptions about her financial state are true, she must be directing her money to someplace other than rent (most people spend about 30% of their monthly income on housing). Perhaps she's putting a lot into savings because she fears being poor in her old age (reasonable, esp. for a single woman), or she's a secret spender (shopaholic), or perhaps she could even be giving money away in ways you aren't aware of. I have a friend who has been spending big bucks on aging parents who appeared to be in need, only to find out they were directing a huge portion of their income to their church.
Is she really guilting you into taking her on as a tenant or is that in your head? Can't is a word that can be lightly used, but if she's throwing it in your face, that's a different story.
Regardless it seems like you don't entirely trust her, so don't rent to her.
On more than one occasion, she's suggested that I rent out a room to her. And on more than one occasion, she's talked about how expensive her rent is and how she'll have to change apartments. I do feel a certain pressure, as if I'd hurt her feelings if I refused to rent to her.
On more than one occasion, she's suggested that I rent out a room to her. And on more than one occasion, she's talked about how expensive her rent is and how she'll have to change apartments. I do feel a certain pressure, as if I'd hurt her feelings if I refused to rent to her.
A real friend won't pressure you into anything. I'd dump her.
On more than one occasion, she's suggested that I rent out a room to her. And on more than one occasion, she's talked about how expensive her rent is and how she'll have to change apartments. I do feel a certain pressure, as if I'd hurt her feelings if I refused to rent to her.
I've seen this with a lot of people where Person A thinks Person B's feelings are a reason to take on some sort of burden for Person B. It usually happens because Person B can sense that Person A is pliable to this sort of nonsense.
When you believe that:
1. your willingness to rent a room out to anyone is nobody's business but your own
2. no real friend will be offended by your unwillingness to rent out a room (and thus that opinion of yours can be voiced loud and clear in front of that friend, and not hidden, without hurting their feelings)
Then you will be in the right place. Get comfortable with doing the right things for yourself.
I've seen this with a lot of people where Person A thinks Person B's feelings are a reason to take on some sort of burden for Person B. It usually happens because Person B can sense that Person A is pliable to this sort of nonsense.
When you believe that:
1. your willingness to rent a room out to anyone is nobody's business but your own
2. no real friend will be offended by your unwillingness to rent out a room (and thus that opinion of yours can be voiced loud and clear in front of that friend, and not hidden, without hurting their feelings)
Then you will be in the right place. Get comfortable with doing the right things for yourself.
Well said. And remember, OP, you are not the only available roommate in her town. If she wants to rent a room, plenty of options out there. Don't need to be you.
I had a counselor once trying to explain boundaries to me. She said think of something totally outrageous that you would never say yes to. Like, if your friend asked you to cut off your little finger for them, would you do it?
No.
Therefore, you are capable of saying no to this friend.
needing a place to stay is one thing, needing a cheaper places to stay is completely different. if my best friend needed a place to stay because his home was burnt to the ground, you can bet that i would be there for him. but if he was just looking for a cheaper place to stay, then that is on him to find that place.
I dunno, I have let my friends stay with me for no real "reason" at all. I'm sure they could have gotten an apartment. I didn't even charge rent. I guess I don't mind having people around.
I dunno, I have let my friends stay with me for no real "reason" at all. I'm sure they could have gotten an apartment. I didn't even charge rent. I guess I don't mind having people around.
I have no problem helping a friend in need. If she lost her job, was flat broke, or couldn't anywhere to live, I'd take her in until she got back on her feet. But that's not the case here.
I wouldn't rent your room to a friend, unless you want your friendship to eventually end. What tends to happen is that the friend, will not have the rent, and will assume you are cool with not getting paid. This may happen all the time, where she makes her visa payment, instead of her rent. If you want to help out a friend, just tell them you will allow them to live there for free to get the funds together to move into a new place. Give them 6 months to a year, if they pay you some for utilities, fine....if not, no big deal. Because it's a gift, they don't owe you....relish the karma points, and you will be much better off then collecting rent from a friend. I did that for a friend who had a huge child support payment, and was living in a car, while he kept up with his payments. I had all kinds of room, so I just told him he could live rent free for a year, but in 12 months, he had to go....He moved out in 9 months, after he became an independent contractor, and had the money to move into his own place.....it's the only way to deal with friendship
I'm sure you can easily do this, you didn't buy a house without making the money to make the payment. The only thing is the added utilities, and if it's a good friend they will kick down some for that. If they don't no worries, it won't kill them. Just tell her that she has to do laundry at a laundramat, and not at the house....
Very good way of handling this situation. OP shouldn't of been put in that position in the first place, and in my opinion this friend sounds kind of like a flake. Accepting rent from this "friend" would make the OP legally responsible in the role of landlord and all that will imply for the future. Rather just letting her crash for a couple of months will impose a time limit. Friends should help one another in times of need, but it is not great to impose oneself on a friend and ask or even "hint." It makes the other person feel uncomfortable and pressured because the "friend" is using the relationship as leverage. A true friend never does something like that. When I was younger, I had a car that I didn't use that often because public transportation was more convenient. I had a friend that was moving to another state (about 1,500 miles away) and she was planning to use someone's car. Well she didn't hear anything from that other friend, so one day she just said to me "I might have to use your car." I was floored, completely at a shock for words - all I could do was give a weak chuckle. I sometimes think back and asked myself if I should of been that taken aback, and from this more mature age, I still think that was so wrong of her to say something like that. That she would assume that I would let her use my almost brand new car to drive 1,500 miles. I'm still friends with her to this day, but sometimes I think back to that time and it makes me wonder.
Why not just offer to help her search for a less expensive apartment, or to help her search for a roomate to move into a 2 bedroom with, which are often cheaper than renting your own 1 bedroom?
If she doesn't want to spend $1400 on rent, then she doesn't want to. maybe "can't afford" is because she wants to have that $200/month to spend elsewhere. that's fine.
just tell her you're not comfortable renting a room in your house to anyone. this really isn't that complicated.
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Great resolution
