Is it rude to bring along your SO, when they weren't invited? (male, person)
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I don't see the point in delving into all the possible psychology. Just respond in the vein which poster germaine2626 suggested and tell her along the lines of, "Actually it's not OK if (hubbie) comes along and I'm really sorry I caused confusion. I only have gear for two and was looking forward to this as a "girl's time out", not for spouses. My bad for not communicating better and I'm really sorry! If the timing's not good for you to join me, no problem, we can do it another time ..."
If a friendly relationship is damaged over something like this then it's not that good a relationship but it's all in the delivery and how it's done. Keep it light and airy and apologetic but firm. And next time around be more specific as obviously this friend needs more solid guidelines. Good luck!
Alas, many people don't see the need to delve into what is behind other people's actions. In which case, she can say, "Girls only. Too bad," and let the chips fall where they may.
Since you didn't make it clear it was "Girls Only", and it sounds like an "outdoor adventure" (due to the equipment), perhaps she just assumed that it was a couple thing.
I would simply reply/call her and say, "Oh Im sorry for the misunderstanding ... I only have equipment for two. Let's make this adventure a "Girls Only" event and meet up with the husbands for dinner after."
Then stick your husband on hers to make some plans for when you are "adventuring"
Lots of people don't understand that you need to foster your friendships not just your romantic relationships ...
My sister and her friend bought plane tickets to Vegas and tickets to see a concert in Vegas. A few weeks ago her friend drops a bombshell, her BF wants to come now. He'll just fly with them, hang out with them (he can't get tickets concert is sold out), then go home with them.
My sister was pretty livid but told her friend this is a girl's trip and she would rather it just be the two of them, her friend understood and told her bf they can go to Vegas another time.
Just start telling your friend "this is a girl's night out."
I have told people that before, usually those people end up accepting it, or we don't see them at those types of events anymore because apparently they are attached at the hip! SMH...
That's why they're called your 'significant other'. They kinda have to be with you most of the time you know? Other people would understand.
Now maybe it will be rude to bring a friend or a colleague.
Wow, I certainly have to disagree with you.
The OP described a situation where she asked a female friend to go with her to a specific activity (and she only had "gear" for two). It certainly seems rude to me to have the husband tag along univited. One of the three will have to sit out the activity and it would certainly effect the "girl talk" conversation.
The OP also said that her friend wanted to bring her husband along to Girl's Night Out activities but all of the other women disagreed. My female friends have Girl's Nights. Many times, it is 8 or 10 female friends going out to dinner together and talking about our lives, families & problems. Occasionally it is 15 or 20 women doing scrapbooking, or trying out make-up and hair styles, or doing a clothing swap. Do you really think that it is acceptable for a male SO or spouse to tag along to activities like those that are specifically planned as a "Girl's Night Out"?
I don't know if you are a man or a woman but if my husband went to something like a Boy's Night Out poker game, a dozen guys going to a prize fight, basketball game or out drinking together it certainly would not be acceptable for him to bring me along even if we have been married for almost 40 years.
And, no I don't think that "other people would understand". If spouse or SO is not invited, or specifically told not to come it certainly is rude if they just show up with the person who was invited.
Quote:
Originally Posted by STT Resident
I'm going to take a leap and assume that was tongue in cheek ...
I did not think that they were joking. Some people do not realize how rude it is to bring uninvited people to activities.
Last edited by germaine2626; 07-19-2014 at 08:51 AM..
I'm going to take a leap and assume that was tongue in cheek ...
I hope so, I run a LADIES book club and I had a few new members ask if they could bring their bfs... I said no, women are the only ones allowed to attend, if they have a female friend they are welcome to bring them. They immediately dropped out of the club, I never saw them after that lol.
OP, don't hesitate starting to say, "Hey, let's have a fun girls' day/night out!" Gradually say it every time until it starts to be where he no longer comes. If she keeps on bringing him, well you either have 2 choices:
1) Decrease going out with her
2) Get used to it
I'm personally not the type of person who would just bring my SO everywhere. When my friend & I plan things, it's always just the two of us.
Thanks for all the advice and comments. To clarify, when he comes along he just hangs out. He's a nice person, not controlling, and we all get along great, but she just seems to always want his approval. They also invited themselves to dinner afterwards - maybe clueless?
At first, I thought that perhaps she didn't really want to come and wants his company. But why say yes? Then, when I was speaking with another friend about possibly getting together to do this activity she overheard, inserted herself and asked when "we" were going.
I think they are very much a package deal and sometimes that is not okay with me. I will not be spending anymore time trying to cultivate a personal relationship between just us. I have other friends I can invest in and who value our outings.
Btw I responded back before I posted this, so now all four of us are going but I see I need to be more assertive in saying no. Never again!
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