Question About Friendship (guilty, person, roommate, house)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I need some advice on how to deal with a friend. First, a little background. I just bought my first home. It's way more space than I need, but part of why I bought it is because I know it'll make a great investment and will be easy to sell or rent out if I ever need to. On more than occasion, my friend has suggested that I rent a spare bedroom out to her. Where she currently lives, the rent has gone up nearly $200 a month. She can't downsize as she's already in a 1-bedroom apartment. So now she's looking for a new place to live. The problem is that rents are increasing everywhere and she's worried that she won't be able to find anything decent in her price range and her rent is already high to begin with. As much as I would love to help her, I don't want to rent out a room to her. Some days, I feel like I'm being selfish. But other days, I feel like I shouldn't feel guilty for not wanting the house all to myself, even if I don't need all the space. Now, it would be one thing if my friend was unemployed, broke, or going through a major crisis. Then, of course, I'd be willing to help, at least until she got back on her feet. But part of why I don't want to help is because I'm not entirely convinced that her situation is as bad as she makes it out to be. First, she makes a pretty good income. Second, she has no dependents or major debts to pay off. Knowing what her income is, what her car payment is, and what her rent is, it's hard for me to understand how she can't afford to pay the rent she's being charged. I won't toss out numbers, but I will say that her rent is around 18% of her gross monthly income. I generally avoid asking her how she manages her money. But when someone says they can't afford to pay 1/5 of their gross income on rent, it makes me wonder. Are they spending too much on nonessentials or are they just exaggerating their financial woes? If you were in my place, how would you handle this? Would you confront this person and ask what they're doing with their money? Would you agree to rent space to them? Or would you just say nothing and let them sort out their own issues? So far, the last option is what I've been doing. But there are days where I just want to say "what the @&$! are you spending your money on?" Also, I can't be sure if she's doing this or I'm just imagining it, but sometimes I feel as though I'm being manipulated, as if she's trying to make me feel guilty for not helping.
Maybe she can afford more than what she pays already but just doesn't want to spend that much? I could rent a $2k a month apartment, but I would never ever do it because it's a waste of money.
Rent is through the roof in most places. Anyone with any financial sense would try to avoid paying the going rate.
I wouldn't rent your room to a friend, unless you want your friendship to eventually end. What tends to happen is that the friend, will not have the rent, and will assume you are cool with not getting paid. This may happen all the time, where she makes her visa payment, instead of her rent. If you want to help out a friend, just tell them you will allow them to live there for free to get the funds together to move into a new place. Give them 6 months to a year, if they pay you some for utilities, fine....if not, no big deal. Because it's a gift, they don't owe you....relish the karma points, and you will be much better off then collecting rent from a friend. I did that for a friend who had a huge child support payment, and was living in a car, while he kept up with his payments. I had all kinds of room, so I just told him he could live rent free for a year, but in 12 months, he had to go....He moved out in 9 months, after he became an independent contractor, and had the money to move into his own place.....it's the only way to deal with friendship
I'm sure you can easily do this, you didn't buy a house without making the money to make the payment. The only thing is the added utilities, and if it's a good friend they will kick down some for that. If they don't no worries, it won't kill them. Just tell her that she has to do laundry at a laundramat, and not at the house....
I need some advice on how to deal with a friend. First, a little background. I just bought my first home. It's way more space than I need, but part of why I bought it is because I know it'll make a great investment and will be easy to sell or rent out if I ever need to. On more than occasion, my friend has suggested that I rent a spare bedroom out to her. Where she currently lives, the rent has gone up nearly $200 a month. She can't downsize as she's already in a 1-bedroom apartment. So now she's looking for a new place to live. The problem is that rents are increasing everywhere and she's worried that she won't be able to find anything decent in her price range and her rent is already high to begin with. As much as I would love to help her, I don't want to rent out a room to her. Some days, I feel like I'm being selfish. But other days, I feel like I shouldn't feel guilty for not wanting the house all to myself, even if I don't need all the space. Now, it would be one thing if my friend was unemployed, broke, or going through a major crisis. Then, of course, I'd be willing to help, at least until she got back on her feet. But part of why I don't want to help is because I'm not entirely convinced that her situation is as bad as she makes it out to be. First, she makes a pretty good income. Second, she has no dependents or major debts to pay off. Knowing what her income is, what her car payment is, and what her rent is, it's hard for me to understand how she can't afford to pay the rent she's being charged. I won't toss out numbers, but I will say that her rent is around 18% of her gross monthly income. I generally avoid asking her how she manages her money. But when someone says they can't afford to pay 1/5 of their gross income on rent, it makes me wonder. Are they spending too much on nonessentials or are they just exaggerating their financial woes? If you were in my place, how would you handle this? Would you confront this person and ask what they're doing with their money? Would you agree to rent space to them? Or would you just say nothing and let them sort out their own issues? So far, the last option is what I've been doing. But there are days where I just want to say "what the @&$! are you spending your money on?" Also, I can't be sure if she's doing this or I'm just imagining it, but sometimes I feel as though I'm being manipulated, as if she's trying to make me feel guilty for not helping.
You shouldn't feel bad about wanting your home to yourself. You have that right and don't owe anyone any space there or an explanation.
I agree with helping people in urgent situations, temporarily, as a general rule. There will be exceptions, of course. But I don't believe in funding/enabling irresponsible/reckless behavior.
As far as her income, gross income is not what she is actually bringing home. And do you know what her expenses actually are? Is it possible she has more debt than she shares with you? Is it possible you are creating these unflattering things about her in your mind to justify not renting her a room? Again, you don't owe her this, so there's really no need for that, if that's what you're doing.
No, I wouldn't ask what she is doing with her money. It doesn't affect me unless she moves in and/or it becomes my problem.
She may not be manipulating you. Your own guilt may make you feel like she is trying to make you feel guilty.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
