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I live on the same property next to my parents and my brother on 100 acre. we all own our houses. For the past 2 years i have babysat my nieces. Well my niece who is 12 years old usually talks sassy to me sometimes... so i told my sister in-law that i am not going to put up with her mouth.And my sister in-law says she is just in a mood and i told her i guess her daughter is allowed to do that at school and she said no.
We 3 days ago my brother called me and asked if i can come over to watch the kids and i told them i would only if they tell Emily to behave and not to talk back. so my brother said.okay let me talk to Candice and i will give you a call back. Well he called me back about 30 minutes later and said that i don't have to babysit and that their going over there to my moms. so i had no problem with that. I love my family but my sister in-law has always been a b***h in the family but i am going through alot of therapy of losing my job and now i am only surviving on disability.,, trying to get my self-esteem back and i just cant take it. i know my brother disciplines the kids but the mother is sometimes the opposite. My sister inlaw doesnt care if i dont ever talk to her and right now i dont care....whenever she see's me upset or see's my niece being rude to me she just laughs and says she has bratty children. but only disciplines them if they are rude to strangers, but rarely my niece ever does that to other people because she knows better.
I keep telling myself i stood up for myself but then why do i feel guilty? i haven't heard anything from them
You did what you thought was right. You're going through a lot in your own life. You love your niece I'm sure, but seems that she needs to respect her elders. In the absence of her parents, YOU are in charge and whatever you say goes. Seems that your sister-in-law could use some talking-to also.
You shouldn't feel guilty. In fact, your sister needs a talking to about respect in the family. It's not funny that you have to put up with your niece's mouth. By your sister not disciplining her daughter for speaking to her aunt that way, it's telling her daughter that it's OK to talk that way to you and maybe other specific people in the family. You don't appreciate it and it makes you feel badly about it. If she has some sort of beef with you, she needs to keep it between you and herself. She should not allow her daughter to speak to anyone like that regardless of her feelings towards that person.
You have no reason to feel guilty. You have every right to expect to be treated with courtesy and respect by your family. If your family members are not willing to behave like civilized human beings, you do not have to associate with them. It's all right to disengage, even from family, when you feel that you are being treated badly. Now you need to stick to your resolve not to be abused and not cave in to any efforts to make you feel guilty and go back to tolerating their rudeness. They can't treat you badly if you don't let them. Good luck to you.
Hey since you are in therapy and working on your self, there is a great book called I dont have to make everything all better. It really touches on this subject and creating and enforcing boundaries. Its an easy read and, I think, much more helpful then other self help books
You have no reason to feel guilty. You have every right to expect to be treated with courtesy and respect by your family. If your family members are not willing to behave like civilized human beings, you do not have to associate with them. It's all right to disengage, even from family, when you feel that you are being treated badly. Now you need to stick to your resolve not to be abused and not cave in to any efforts to make you feel guilty and go back to tolerating their rudeness. They can't treat you badly if you don't let them. Good luck to you.
You feel guilty because you love your family and don't want them to be upset with you. And you want a (good) relationship with your niece. But your niece should be made to understand that she cannot treat you in a disrespectful way. It is your brother's and his wife's responsibility to teach her that. You did nothing wrong.
I don't think you are feeling only guilt. I think you are also scared that they will all be distant if you don't accept the abuse your niece is dishing out towards you.
Hello, Hourglass45. Nobody should apologize for their boundaries. You may be feeling guilty about how you communicated your boundaries. Try it differently next time if it bothers you that much.
Seems to me you handled it fine: you told the parents what the problem was and suggested they take steps to improve their kid's behavior. You didn't yell, get rude, or act passive aggressive.
Concentrate on healing yourself and getting through one day at a time.
Good luck to you.
When you babysit the kids, you are doing the parents a big favor. If they think that should include abuse from their kids, they don't deserve the favor.
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