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There just aren't that many people that are doing something so different in life. My circle of friends are all doing the same ole same ole. I love them. But really, it's not that interesting.
Really? This sounds like swooning to us.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chrissycs
I recently got back in touch with someone I kind of knew about 20 yrs ago. We weren't close friends by any stretch of the imagination. But definitely somebody that I enjoyed talking to every now and then at social occasions. We know some of the same people I guess. But no strong friendship way back then.
Except, omg, he is so interesting! We've been emailing back and forth and I can't believe how interesting he is. His perspective on life, the way he frames his experiences. The emails are all super lengthy, but I really enjoy them. He's living overseas and I think it's probably just a way for him to pass some time. I've already said, kind of tongue in cheek, that I'd be happy to be his pen pal. So I guess we're kind of pen pals now. I keep expecting the last email I send to be the last email he responds to. But he keeps responding. And he's still interesting! Why didn't I take the time to get to know him better when we were in school together??
This is strictly a platonic thing. The conversations are more serious than anything. (but interesting). I'd have no problem showing my husband every last email. Except there are a lot of them. And when I mentioned to my husband that I was corresponding with the guy, his reaction was kind of odd. I think my husband feels kind of threatened by him professionally and I don't want to rub his nose in that.
I don't even really know what my question is. This is very unusual for me though. I often reconnect with people from my past but it just naturally dies out. This seems to be the opposite. So I guess I just keep responding? I don't think I can keep it up too much longer. I don't have enough interesting things left to share!
Personally, I'm extremely single and haven't been on a date in months. After seeing the selfishness exhibited by a lot of the women here, I think maybe I'm on the right track.
Bless your heart. Perhaps that would be for the best.
The OP was not asking our advice on whether emailing a guy she and her husband knew from graduate school was putting her marriage at risk. As I recall, she was asking at what point to let email correspondence, however fascinating, fade out.
But she sort of didn't really ask that question.
Why would someone let something "fade out" if she was so enamored and fascinated by it? I think the way she phrased her dilemma implies she knows there's something at least awkward about the situation.
It did not sound like swooning to me. Sounded like she has had some fascinating email exchanges with an old acquaintance and she is running out of things to keep up her end of the conversation and wondered how to let it fade off.
I think encouraging the guy to blog might be the ticket. Then others can chime in and she doesn't have to carry the load.
Sometimes people need to write things down to make sense of them. Opening Up by James Pennebaker describes this process to a t. Perhaps that is what this fellow is doing. Hard to say.
I find the stop-you-are-cheating-on-your-husband-and-making-him-feel-bad posts to be bizarre.
Do people really believe that getting married means you don't ever have conversations with other people? Or don't ever do anything your husband doesn't like?
Why would someone let something "fade out" if she was so enamored and fascinated by it? I think the way she phrased her dilemma implies she knows there's something at least awkward about the situation.
She did "sort of" ask that exact question. She did not say she was enamored with the fellow. She said she was fascinated by his experiences and perspective.
There is nothing wrong with 2 adults having a stimulating exchange "professionally" via email, regardless of the gender of the 2 adults. Happens all the time, and spouses usually are too busy to really care, as it is not something they perceive to be a threat to the marriage. Most guys and their wives nowadays are hip to the fact that marriage is not ownership, and the more friends, the merrier.
However, it is worth noting in this case, that the OP brought up the issue of her husband's reaction. That is very telling. She also stated that she showed these emails to her husband. I ask, why? Other than the fact that the 2 men are in the same field, I see no reason why the OP would even think her husband would be remotely interested.
To the OP: please email this "interesting" correspondent of yours that you find his activities and experiences really extraordinary, suggest he start a blog or write a book, and tell him truthfully that you feel at a loss for meaningful further communication. Honesty works - try it!
It did not sound like swooning to me. Sounded like she has had some fascinating email exchanges with an old acquaintance and she is running out of things to keep up her end of the conversation and wondered how to let it fade off.
I think encouraging the guy to blog might be the ticket. Then others can chime in and she doesn't have to carry the load.
Sometimes people need to write things down to make sense of them. Opening Up by James Pennebaker describes this process to a t. Perhaps that is what this fellow is doing. Hard to say.
I find the stop-you-are-cheating-on-your-husband-and-making-him-feel-bad posts to be bizarre.
Do people really believe that getting married means you don't ever have conversations with other people? Or don't ever do anything your husband doesn't like?
I didn't get that impression...I got the impression she relished the emails and was only considering letting them fade away for a vague reason that didn't seem to have anything to do with her running out of things to say.
I take that back...I just re-read this line:
"I often reconnect with people from my past but it just naturally dies out. This seems to be the opposite. So I guess I just keep responding? I don't think I can keep it up too much longer. I don't have enough interesting things left to share!"
So I guess she does think she has nothing interesting to say. But I'm still sort of confused because it seems like she'd be happy getting regular emails FROM him.
And for the record I don't think this is cheating. But it's walking somewhat nearby that neighborhood.
She did "sort of" ask that exact question. She did not say she was enamored with the fellow. She said she was fascinated by his experiences and perspective.
This was her line that stuck out for me:
"Why didn't I take the time to get to know him better when we were in school together??"
[quote=chrissycs;36153122]....I don't even really know what my question is. This is very unusual for me though. I often reconnect with people from my past but it just naturally dies out. This seems to be the opposite. So I guess I just keep responding? I don't think I can keep it up too much longer. I don't have enough interesting things left to share!....[quote]
I don't see you as an "unfaithful" wife as some netwits here do. However, I think there is a budding problem that could grow. Your husband feels that he is not as successful (and perhaps, thus, not as interesting or well-rounded) as your email penpal. I would doubt that there is any way to bring your husband into the email relationship now. And I would suspect that his negative feelings might grow, and that despite the fact you have shown him the email, that he may begin to get an overactive imagination on top of his sense of feeling a bit inferior. And at some point this email correspondent could become more important to him for the wrong reasons that he is to you.
So, I would say that I would ease out of this correspondence fairly soon for these reasons.
I don't see you as an "unfaithful" wife as some netwits here do. However, I think there is a budding problem that could grow. Your husband feels that he is not as successful (and perhaps, thus, not as interesting or well-rounded) as your email penpal. I would doubt that there is any way to bring your husband into the email relationship now. And I would suspect that his negative feelings might grow, and that despite the fact you have shown him the email, that he may begin to get an overactive imagination on top of his sense of feeling a bit inferior. And at some point this email correspondent could become more important to him for the wrong reasons that he is to you.
So, I would say that I would ease out of this correspondence fairly soon for these reasons.
I tend to agree with this, and also with GotHereAsQuickAsICould:
Quote:
Sounded like she has had some fascinating email exchanges with an old acquaintance and she is running out of things to keep up her end of the conversation and wondered how to let it fade off.
I think encouraging the guy to blog might be the ticket. Then others can chime in and she doesn't have to carry the load.
I see the OP as riveted by his interesting emails because he is doing something more out-of-the-ordinary than she and her circle of friends. But I agree that it could become an issue that the OP finds this man so fascinating, more fascinating than her own husband, to have such frequent correspondence. It doesn't have to be cheating, but it may be a little too involved, a little too invested in what he's doing.
I also agree with the idea of a blog that all of his friends could read and comment on, since it makes it less personal between the OP and the guy.
Last edited by Katnan; 08-20-2014 at 11:17 AM..
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