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I guess this is just a vent or perhaps maybe just me rambling a bit
So I'm going on vacation in a few weeks to Miami. I've been struggling with weight gain for the past 2 years and after getting on blood pressure medication went from 130 to 160 lbs in less than 8 months. I only recently started eating better and working out but I've had some setbacks and haven't really lost any real weight yet, at least according to the scale I haven't.
So I'm REALLY looking forward to going on one hand, but on the other hand I'm really insecure about my body. I still planned on having a great time nonetheless. It's just that....I think I made a mistake in who I invited to go with me.
I had mentioned me going to a close girl friend of mine who's been having a rough year. She usually travels a lot but as a result of some challenging situations this year decided she wouldn't go anywhere. So on a whim during a convo with her one day I told her she was welcome to join me in Miami.
The issue I'm having is, this friend made a comment about my weight last year (yes, I'm still holding on to this) that really hurt me. See, when I was 130ish she was 145ish, then lost 30 pounds and is now a size 2 (around 115). We live in different states, so when I saw her last year at the time she had lost the weight, she made the comment that I needed to lose weight, which obviously offended me in more ways than one. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't want to be around someone who's going to make me feel worse about my body while vacationing on a beach. I just feel like she's going to be judging me while we're out but maybe it's me being overly insecure?? I don't think I'd feel that way it she hadn't said certain things I thought were insensitive since her weight loss.
Anyways, I feel guilty that I actually don't want to go with her now. Yeah, I said it...am I wrong for feeling uncomfortable about this?
Don't feel guilty for not being exited about going with her. She doesn't sound like much of a friend.
That said, do your best to enjoy your vacation and not fret over your body. You're taking steps to make yourself healthy, and that's ultimately what matters.
If she starts passing comments, just look at her pointedly, like this , and say, "That's right. I have 45 pounds on you." Then crack your knuckles. That should shut her up.
Was it a one time comment, or has she made a habit of bringing it up? If your friend is constantly making an issue of your weight & it bothers you, then find someone else to travel with, or go alone. If she hasn't brought it up since the initial comment, then try to put it out of your mind and enjoy the trip with her. I suspect that part of your problem is your own concerns about your weight, as much as hers.
I guess this is just a vent or perhaps maybe just me rambling a bit
So I'm going on vacation in a few weeks to Miami. I've been struggling with weight gain for the past 2 years and after getting on blood pressure medication went from 130 to 160 lbs in less than 8 months. I only recently started eating better and working out but I've had some setbacks and haven't really lost any real weight yet, at least according to the scale I haven't.
So I'm REALLY looking forward to going on one hand, but on the other hand I'm really insecure about my body. I still planned on having a great time nonetheless. It's just that....I think I made a mistake in who I invited to go with me.
I had mentioned me going to a close girl friend of mine who's been having a rough year. She usually travels a lot but as a result of some challenging situations this year decided she wouldn't go anywhere. So on a whim during a convo with her one day I told her she was welcome to join me in Miami.
The issue I'm having is, this friend made a comment about my weight last year (yes, I'm still holding on to this) that really hurt me. See, when I was 130ish she was 145ish, then lost 30 pounds and is now a size 2 (around 115). We live in different states, so when I saw her last year at the time she had lost the weight, she made the comment that I needed to lose weight, which obviously offended me in more ways than one. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't want to be around someone who's going to make me feel worse about my body while vacationing on a beach. I just feel like she's going to be judging me while we're out but maybe it's me being overly insecure?? I don't think I'd feel that way it she hadn't said certain things I thought were insensitive since her weight loss.
Anyways, I feel guilty that I actually don't want to go with her now. Yeah, I said it...am I wrong for feeling uncomfortable about this?
I would just tell her how you feel ahead of time, tell her you are losing weight on your own schedule and you already feel badly about your body and would appreciate if she didn't mention your weight. Why does it have to be a big deal, just talk to her. You didn't say how soon the trip is, but if she's already gotten a ticket, you can't just uninvite her unless you're planning to pay her back for her ticket.
I guess this is just a vent or perhaps maybe just me rambling a bit
So I'm going on vacation in a few weeks to Miami. I've been struggling with weight gain for the past 2 years and after getting on blood pressure medication went from 130 to 160 lbs in less than 8 months. I only recently started eating better and working out but I've had some setbacks and haven't really lost any real weight yet, at least according to the scale I haven't.
So I'm REALLY looking forward to going on one hand, but on the other hand I'm really insecure about my body. I still planned on having a great time nonetheless. It's just that....I think I made a mistake in who I invited to go with me.
I had mentioned me going to a close girl friend of mine who's been having a rough year. She usually travels a lot but as a result of some challenging situations this year decided she wouldn't go anywhere. So on a whim during a convo with her one day I told her she was welcome to join me in Miami.
The issue I'm having is, this friend made a comment about my weight last year (yes, I'm still holding on to this) that really hurt me. See, when I was 130ish she was 145ish, then lost 30 pounds and is now a size 2 (around 115). We live in different states, so when I saw her last year at the time she had lost the weight, she made the comment that I needed to lose weight, which obviously offended me in more ways than one. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't want to be around someone who's going to make me feel worse about my body while vacationing on a beach. I just feel like she's going to be judging me while we're out but maybe it's me being overly insecure?? I don't think I'd feel that way it she hadn't said certain things I thought were insensitive since her weight loss.
Anyways, I feel guilty that I actually don't want to go with her now. Yeah, I said it...am I wrong for feeling uncomfortable about this?
You own your feelings. But now you have the etiquette question of rescinding an invitation.
If she mentions your weight, simply say, "I'm not really interested in discussing that," and change the subject. If your friend has any brains at all, she'll back off.
I would just tell her how you feel ahead of time, tell her you are losing weight on your own schedule and you already feel badly about your body and would appreciate if she didn't mention your weight. Why does it have to be a big deal, just talk to her. You didn't say how soon the trip is, but if she's already gotten a ticket, you can't just uninvite her unless you're planning to pay her back for her ticket.
I don't plan on uninviting her though. She hasn't bought a ticket yet. Trip is in 5 weeks.
Last edited by southkakkatlantan; 08-29-2014 at 12:19 PM..
IMO, I can't imagine keeping a "friend" like this in my life. For God's sake, you were on medication that contributed to your weight gain..it's not like you were home eating twinkies all day. Totally insensitive of her. If it were me, I'd uninvite (though I know you said you wouldn't do that) and and lose her number.
Was it a one time comment, or has she made a habit of bringing it up? If your friend is constantly making an issue of your weight & it bothers you, then find someone else to travel with, or go alone. If she hasn't brought it up since the initial comment, then try to put it out of your mind and enjoy the trip with her. I suspect that part of your problem is your own concerns about your weight, as much as hers.
Well no, I remember at the time my body language reacted to her comment. Plus I said something to the effect of her statement being hurtful or something like that. (And she did NOT apologize but rather tried to defend her statement, which is why I think I've had such a hard time with what was said.)
Anyways, I've moved away so we don't see each other much now but are still close. When we went on vacation together last year she didn't say anything off hand that I can remember about my weight. (Although when taking pictures together she did ask me if I was re-considering getting braces again anytime soon ).
When it comes to friends, I am not good at determining when people need to be put in their place for saying off-handed stuff, versus when I'm just over-reacting to things.
I'm not sure you "owe" her any kind of... well, anything, really. I don't allow people to make me feel like poop. I certainly don't invite them along on a vacation! Why would you ruin a perfectly nice time by spending it with someone who insults you?
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I just feel like she's going to be judging me while we're out but maybe it's me being overly insecure?? I don't think I'd feel that way it she hadn't said certain things I thought were insensitive since her weight loss. 
