Ashamed to admit this (girlfriend, personality, person, member)
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Was it a one time comment, or has she made a habit of bringing it up? If your friend is constantly making an issue of your weight & it bothers you, then find someone else to travel with, or go alone. If she hasn't brought it up since the initial comment, then try to put it out of your mind and enjoy the trip with her. I suspect that part of your problem is your own concerns about your weight, as much as hers.
Good points.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
I would just tell her how you feel ahead of time, tell her you are losing weight on your own schedule and you already feel badly about your body and would appreciate if she didn't mention your weight. Why does it have to be a big deal, just talk to her. You didn't say how soon the trip is, but if she's already gotten a ticket, you can't just uninvite her unless you're planning to pay her back for her ticket.
ocnjgirl, also made some good points. Although, I have a slight modification, I would not add that you are feeling bad about your body, but just mention that you are trying to get in better shape and "we don't need to spend time talking about that boring subject when we can be swimming" or nightclubbing or beach combing or whatever fun thing that the two of you decide to do.
I think that sometimes women (men, too) give off a "vibe" that they feel unhappy with their body and, IMHO, it sometimes seems to encourage others to make comments about weight where a more self-confident woman (or man), even with a few extra pounds, or a lot of extra pounds would not get the same type of weight related comments. Think about your friends, I bet that there are a few who have such style, grace and self-confidence that no one even notices their weight.
Buy, great looking, well fitted beach wear and have a great time!
You should go as planned. Sounds like a great time....surf, sand, photography, sunsets, sexy frilly outfits, fancy drinks with umbrellas in them, sexy men. Perhaps dance to some hot latin music. When you're there, look around and you'll see every body type imaginable out there, and yes, someone with your body type. You might even strike up a conversation with a woman with your body type who's confidant, sexy, wearing an amazing outfit, flashing some great jewelry, and having a wonderful time and see what you can learn from her. Who knows, maybe she'll have a similar story as yours.
As for your friend.....how often do you talk? Are you talking about the trip yet? It's not too soon and I think you should. I couldn't quite tell how close you two are but I do pick up some hesitancy on your part about speaking to her about your concerns. One way you could bring up the subject is to express your concern about your "beach body" and how you're not making the progress you were hoping for. You could then complement her on her weight loss and ask her for tips on how you could be as successful. She just might become a supportive "partner" in your efforts instead of an imaginary adversary.
Lastly, about your self image.........as long as you're healthy, according to your doctor, meaning all your blood work comes back within normal ranges (primarily cholesterol (LDL, HDL, trigs) and blood sugar and you don't have any other weight related health problems (e.g. sore feet, legs, joints, etc), and your BP is under control, just be comfortable in "the skin you're in". Of course continue to exercise, watch your diet, and do fun active things but don't add to the burden of everyday life with unrealistic goals for yourself.
You've got 5 weeks. Set some realistic, small goals that are not too hard but not too easy to achieve in the meantime. [The key to losing weight is "calorie deficit", meaning you burn more calories than you consume. It's a simple concept but sometimes difficult to achieve. Perhaps you can start "calorie counting". When I did it (I actually counted much more than just calories), it inherently forced me to reduce the amount of calories I consumed. Try calorie counting, you might find it helpful.]
I don't use the word (I'm a dude after all ), but I want YOU to have a FABULOUS time!
And take sunscreen.
Last edited by NavyMustang; 08-29-2014 at 06:49 PM..
We women get too hung up on our bodies! F*** 'em. Go and enjoy! Be happy. You could be in an auto accident and have to have your arms and legs cut off. And you're worried about few extra pounds?
We women get too hung up on our bodies! F*** 'em. Go and enjoy! Be happy. You could be in an auto accident and have to have your arms and legs cut off. And you're worried about few extra pounds?
Onward!
Right on!!! (all except the auto accident. )
It's the guys that should be hung up on your bodies!
I know I'm hung up on my wife's - she still has her "baby fat" from when she was pregnant with our son 32 years ago. I was thinking of her when I wrote that as long as the OP is healthy and fit medically, she should be comfortable and "lovin' life", as my wife is.
Aren't you and I saying the same thing? I dunno. Maybe. Could be. What do you think?
Don't feel guilty for not being exited about going with her. She doesn't sound like much of a friend.
That said, do your best to enjoy your vacation and not fret over your body. You're taking steps to make yourself healthy, and that's ultimately what matters.
Yeah, someone that hurts your feelings by honestly encouraging you to make a hard life change that they put themselves through first isn't just a friend, it's a leader. There's no knowing how difficult it may have been for that friend to approach the subject. Even if the encouragement wasn't in the nicest possible way, there is no proof that she meant anything other encouragement. Being overweight DOES lead to major risk factors some pretty serious problems, so it does matter and friends should encourage friends.
Vacation should be about relaxing and enjoyment, not waiting for someone to say something derogatory. If you feel the way you posted in your original message, you should not spend time with her. It's not helping your selfesteem! It's not positive to have her around. Isn't life tough enough? You have a choice. Maybe it's just me, but I'd rather be alone than with someone who adds stress.
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I wouldn't un-invite her but I would be prepared in case she decides to rudely comment on your weight again. Be ready with what you want to say. Be prepared to put her in her place. She has no right to comment on or judge your body. You gained weight due to health issues and medications. You have been self conscious about this weight gain and have tried (unsuccessfully) to lose some of the weight. Just keep on doing what you are doing and if she comments, let her know in a tactful manner how out of bounds she is with her remarks.
I find it ridiculous that this was a year ago that she said this, you've apparently spoken between then enough times that you invited her to come with you, but you've never felt close enough to her to just say "by the way, when you said ____ it hurt my feelings"? Now you want to passive-aggressively punish her by suddenly reneging on your invitation with some excuse, as it she just said it last week?
IMO you have struggles with boundaries and with expressing how you feel to people in a productive way. I think you should go with her just to give you some practice in learning how to have a relationship, even a friendship, because holding things in for a year and being too afraid to tell your friends what you feel says more about you than your friend, and I think it's where your focus might be better served.
I guess this is just a vent or perhaps maybe just me rambling a bit
So I'm going on vacation in a few weeks to Miami. I've been struggling with weight gain for the past 2 years and after getting on blood pressure medication went from 130 to 160 lbs in less than 8 months. I only recently started eating better and working out but I've had some setbacks and haven't really lost any real weight yet, at least according to the scale I haven't.
So I'm REALLY looking forward to going on one hand, but on the other hand I'm really insecure about my body. I still planned on having a great time nonetheless. It's just that....I think I made a mistake in who I invited to go with me.
I had mentioned me going to a close girl friend of mine who's been having a rough year. She usually travels a lot but as a result of some challenging situations this year decided she wouldn't go anywhere. So on a whim during a convo with her one day I told her she was welcome to join me in Miami.
The issue I'm having is, this friend made a comment about my weight last year (yes, I'm still holding on to this) that really hurt me. See, when I was 130ish she was 145ish, then lost 30 pounds and is now a size 2 (around 115). We live in different states, so when I saw her last year at the time she had lost the weight, she made the comment that I needed to lose weight, which obviously offended me in more ways than one. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't want to be around someone who's going to make me feel worse about my body while vacationing on a beach. I just feel like she's going to be judging me while we're out but maybe it's me being overly insecure?? I don't think I'd feel that way it she hadn't said certain things I thought were insensitive since her weight loss.
Anyways, I feel guilty that I actually don't want to go with her now. Yeah, I said it...am I wrong for feeling uncomfortable about this?
I don't think you feel any thing different than me felt 7 years ago. For that I say people with verbal diarrhea , honestly for them it is all right to say nasty dirty thing to the others but if we make a comment what they said was wrong then that is the end of friend ship. This sort of people not worth to have around honestly.
Yeah, someone that hurts your feelings by honestly encouraging you to make a hard life change that they put themselves through first isn't just a friend, it's a leader. There's no knowing how difficult it may have been for that friend to approach the subject. Even if the encouragement wasn't in the nicest possible way, there is no proof that she meant anything other encouragement. Being overweight DOES lead to major risk factors some pretty serious problems, so it does matter and friends should encourage friends.
I do agree with this. And I do agree that friends should encourage friends. I just feel like all my friends know all this already. They don't need me telling them they need to lose weight. Her comment that "You need to get this weight off of you" said while I'm eating (a healthy) dinner and she's having nothing but water because she wants to get down from 115 to 105 just didn't come off right to me. And the comment was only made after she lost weight so it just felt like she was coming off as judging me now. If I said the same exact comment to her when she was heavier all hell woulda broken lose and she would not have appreciated it.
When we went on vacation last summer we stayed in a hotel and one morning I woke up and she wasn't there. She had gone to the hotel gym. And the next morning when we woke up she left out to go saying "*I* have to go the gym."...with the emphasis on *I*. Now any other time I've been out on vacation if I have a friend that's going to the gym, they'll ask me to go with them or vice versa. I think that's a means of 'subtle' encouragement, no? Or how about saying "You look great. What have you been doing? You should keep it up girl!" Honesty, I think my friend was beautiful at 145 and is still beautiful now. But I don't get the feeling she feels the same about me, and that's kinda...I don't know what to say about that.
But really, the biggest problem I had with the comment was that when I said it hurt my feelings, there was no apology for the fact that it hurt me. Because she felt like she had a right to say what she said. And I disagree with this. There is one thing I take pretty seriously, and that is if I express to someone that they did something that hurt me and they do not try to understand why, empathize or apologize then I have a problem with that. Especially if it's someone that I *know* would have their panties all up in a bunch if I had said the same thing to them.
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Perhaps dance to some hot latin music. When you're there, look around and you'll see every body type imaginable out there, and yes, someone with your body type. You might even strike up a conversation with a woman with your body type who's confidant, sexy, wearing an amazing outfit, flashing some great jewelry, and having a wonderful time and see what you can learn from her. Who knows, maybe she'll have a similar story as yours.
), but I want YOU to have a FABULOUS time!
)
I just feel like she's going to be judging me while we're out but maybe it's me being overly insecure?? I don't think I'd feel that way it she hadn't said certain things I thought were insensitive since her weight loss. 
