boyfriend and family pressures to breastfeed? (appropriate, issues, partner, wife)
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Do not listen to judgey people, you should listen to your gut. I cannot believe the remarks by posters. If you don't want to breastfeed, don't. Show them this article http://www.washingtonpost.com/nation...527_story.html
If a woman knows her own body she knows without "trying it" that breastfeeding is not something she wants to do. I knew before I had children and no one tried to shame or badger me into breastfeeding or "trying it".
It is her body, her baby and her choice and no one should be trying to shame her into breastfeeding if she does not want to and does not want to try it.
It is NOT her baby. It is THEIR baby. Get it right. If she gets separated from her boyfriend, HE has to pay for that baby for 18 years in child support. Therefore, it's THEIR baby and he gets a say in how they choose to raise and nurture the child.
Yup...makes me happy that I don't live in the boroughs anymore. This happened in 2012. I know someone who had their baby in Staten Island less than a year ago and she couldn't get formula. I don't know if it's still in effect though.
I say to each their own but at least try. I felt the same way you did until I tried. It didn't work so I pumped. Once you pump regularly, it doesn't hurt and a good pump will extract a lot more efficiently and quicker. If you're just not producing a lot of breastmilk then go formula.
thank you for booth the encouragement and information! i did not realize this about new york
i am from d.c originally so i was unware. i always assumed they would assist you
with whichever way you wanted to feed, not encourage one way over another.
you and csd have been wonderful! thank you both.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mnseca
Breastfeeding is not something that either "is" or "is not for you." If you are having a child, then you have already committed to a lot of things that are just how having a baby works, and are not a personal choice. Breastfeeding is what you do when you have a baby - it's how the body is made and it's how the process works. Saying it's "not for you" is like saying labor is not for you, or changing diapers is not for you, or playing with the baby is not for you. Sure, you can avoid some of those things some of the time, and occasionally may need to avoid some of them, but if you choose to avoid them then one wonders why you think having a baby is for you in the first place. You should breastfeed if you have no medical reason not to - it really is better for the baby, and you have an obligation to do what is best for the baby and not what you feel like doing for no rational reason at all. The pump is another matter - if you are going to be working full time soon after the baby is born, then not pumping and switching to formula is a choice - a pump is hardly natural, and it's a great inconvenience and not always even popular. But there is no reason why you can't breastfeed for the first few weeks, and you really should at least try it that long. You really aren't being a very good mother if you can't at least try something for the well-being of your child.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mnseca
It's also her choice to be a crappy mother, if you consider that a legitimate choice. Not breastfeeding because it's painful or difficult or too inconvenient is one thing - not doing it because "it's not for me" sounds immature and selfish. She doesn't even have a reason. It's just a bad sign all around. I agree it's not the inlaws' business and they should butt out, but I can understand their frustration with her attitude.
I understand your point but at the end of the day
i am uncomfortable with the idea of breastfeeding.
i'm modest, it makes me uncomfortable & I have given
other reasons why i don't want to do it
my child's health is my #1 concern but like I have tried to explain
to my boyfriend and his family there are other healthy alternatives
i'm not trying to make "crappy" choices but it is my body
It is NOT her baby. It is THEIR baby. Get it right. If she gets separated from her boyfriend, HE has to pay for that baby for 18 years in child support. Therefore, it's THEIR baby and he gets a say in how they choose to raise and nurture the child.
He DOES NOT have the right to brow beat his girlfriend (or allow his family to brow beat her) into breastfeeding. How do you force someone to do that??
It is THEIR baby, which means they need to come to an agreement about feeding...not have him and his family dictate to her about it.
It is NOT her baby. It is THEIR baby. Get it right. If she gets separated from her boyfriend, HE has to pay for that baby for 18 years in child support. Therefore, it's THEIR baby and he gets a say in how they choose to raise and nurture the child.
He DOES NOT have the right to brow beat his girlfriend (or allow his family to brow beat her) into breastfeeding. How do you force someone to do that??
It is THEIR baby, which means they need to come to an agreement about feeding...not have him and his family dictate to her about it.
hes just comparing me so much to his brothers wife.
Hes from a small close knit family and only has one older brother
their daughter was his brother's first kid
My boyfriend seems to think i should be doing everything his sister-in-law did.
of course I think shes awesome and shes a great mom
but that doesnt mean i have to make the same choices about pregnancy she did.
He DOES NOT have the right to brow beat his girlfriend (or allow his family to brow beat her) into breastfeeding. How do you force someone to do that??
This girl is not a victim. No one's forcing a gun to her head to breastfeed.
Quote:
It is THEIR baby, which means they need to come to an agreement about
feeding...not have him and his family dictate to her about it.
That's exactly what I said. But she said she wants to do what SHE wants to do without even taking into consideration the father of her child's advice.
thank you for booth the encouragement and information! i did not realize this about new york
i am from d.c originally so i was unware. i always assumed they would assist you
with whichever way you wanted to feed, not encourage one way over another.
you and csd have been wonderful! thank you both.
I understand your point but at the end of the day
i am uncomfortable with the idea of breastfeeding.
i'm modest, it makes me uncomfortable & I have given
other reasons why i don't want to do it
my child's health is my #1 concern but like I have tried to explain
to my boyfriend and his family there are other healthy alternatives
i'm not trying to make "crappy" choices but it is my body
i just wish my bf would understand that.
Ah, so you only wanted to hear from those who supported you? Guess what? It isn't about you, or your boyfriend anymore. All moves going forward should be about what's best for the baby.
Lol on your modesty. Trust me, the birth experience will remove all traces of modesty.
I don't think women who don't breast feed are horrible people. I do think they owe it to themselves, and their baby to try.
i'm pregnant and once i told my baby's father i wasn't going to breastfeed he got upset w/ me.
he said, "what do you mean you won't? it's better for the baby."
now he's been bringing it up and he says he thinks I will change my mind once our child is born
but honestly i have no interest & plan on formula feeding
i think he thinks this bc his brothers wife breastfeeds, makes her own baby food etc
im not against breastfeeding or anything its just not for me.
my mom told me to just do what i want but his family are the ones that live close to me & they
are pressuring me and talking it up about how the milk is better for the baby
part of my issue is pumping… it seems awful and i googled the process and it's def not for me.
anyway once again im not against it in general but it's not for me and i feel like it's my choice to make.
i am looking for advice as to how to get them off my back.
it looks like you HAD already made up your mind NOT to breastfeed even before you got pregnant.
is this something that you discussed with your boyfriend before you got pregnant?? If not, I suggest now is a good time to sit down with him and talk about how you want to raise the kid separately and on your own.
Anyway, if you are being pressured to breastfeed, it's only because there are so MANY advantages and ZERO disadvantage.
Once you have a kid it's not about my body and my choice, it's about what's best for the child and if mother's milk is best you should be giving it unless you have a medical condition that's preventing.
Am sorry if this is harsh and am not trying to belittle you but you should have discussed this before getting pregnant.
Recent research shows no significant difference, apparently. Perhaps a tad higher tendency towards asthma.
My views on breastfeeding are similar to my views on abortion. Neither is really for me, but I might consider either in a particular situation - it's a PRIVATE decision. If the OP's boyfriend is so concerned about it, he should have discussed it with his girlfriend BEFORE he knocked her up.
My cousin couldn't breastfeed her own kid because it was simply excruciating - I heard some people being critical of her for it, but really you can't know anything about another person's pain threshold. And I've heard some mastitis horror stories. My own mother was unable to breastfeed me due to the fact that I nearly died at birth and spent the first month or so in the hospital. It happens ALL the time - are kids who aren't breastfed somehow handicapped? Is it child abuse to refuse to breastfeed? I'm thinking "no."
Yeah, I'm sure "breast is best," but if you're giving your kid the best environment you can and you're keeping good tabs on their nutritional intake, I don't see why people get so nuts about it. We're not in the Third World. I mean, heck, as a graduate of a private school where I received a stellar education, I could run around saying "prep school is best" and casting judgmental looks on parents who could afford to send their kids to such a school but didn't - I mean, don't they LOVE their kids? But frankly, it wouldn't occur to me to do that.
OP, do the research. Get informed. And then make your decision.
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