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Whats wrong with living with your parents, paying rent and helping them out? Not my choice, but there doesn't seem to be a problem with that in my book as long as everyone agrees and no one is taking advantage of the others.
And...I don't know how many times I've said this on this forum but...IF YOU LIVE IN SOME PLACE EXPENSIVE LIKE NEW YORK, LA OR THE BAY AREA AND ARE BROKE THEN YOU NEED TO MOVE TO THE SOUTH WHERE YOU CAN BUY A HOME FOR WELL UNDER $100,000!!!!
What would be the benefit of someone like the OP's talking about doing this?? Just because houses can be bought for relatively cheap, does not mean everyone who is broke should randomly pack up and move to the "south".
What would be the benefit of someone like the OP's talking about doing this??
Because, depending on bf credit or income level, they'd be able to buy a cheapy house with an ultra low mortgage payment. Housing problem solved. And I was just using the south as an example. There are plenty of places in western KS and NE where you can buy a house dirt cheap.
Step 1) Get a job at the local truck stop in Garden City, KS.
Step 2) Buy a house for $40,000 with a mortgage payment of $400/month. Housing problem solved.
I'm just sick of listening to the cry babies on this forum saying they don't have enough to pay their rent or mortgage only to find out that they live in an area with a ultra high cost of living. If you cant afford $1500/month for a two bedroom townhome then maybe you shouldn't be living in some place like San Francisco or Seattle. You don't need an accounting degree to figure this one out.
Hmmm. BF was living with mom, but won't let mom live with him? Interesting in itself. The other thing is this post is by the GF and NOT by the BF. Right now the BF can say he would not allow his mother to live with him, but as I've seen many times that is subject to change....as is girlfriends. Mothers can never change....girlfriends can.
You and your boyfriend can get a house and move her in with you. While there she can get a job and work and save enough for her own place. She's his mother for crying out loud. You are just going to let her be homeless?
I know your heart is in the right place for sure, but they simply cannot handle the situation this way. She is a classic co-dependent personality and mom will not do one thing for herself until she hits the proverbial rock bottom and, like another poster mentioned, it is literally "sink or swim." They are not going to LET her be homeless, she did this to herself.
I have a couple of decades of experience with a former sister-in-law who did just this. She even has a college degree, no loans, yet refuses to work. As long as the family keeps enabling her, she will continue to live like this, clueless and irresponsible. The VA can hopefully set her up with some programs to get her on her feet. But they are her feet, and she is going to have to stand on them, on her own. She also needs mental health evaluation and counseling pronto, in my opinion.
Yup. That's the purpose of this thread. I'm trying to help her.
No. The mortgage is not being paid because my boyfriend's mom divorced her husband who was paying for the mortgage while she did not have a job. She thought that everything would be fine, that's poor planning of course. Trainwreck, I know. My boyfriend has always paid rent to his mom ever since he started working. His mom has not been working for years, then she found an okay job for a few months, and lost it during the "trial period." So now she's without a job again. He used to live with his two sisters who are deadbeats and stole money from his mom. My boyfriend is the furthest from rent free and has been the only one who really contributes to the bills all these years. He has $60,000 in student loans, so there's no way that he could have afforded the mortgage for the house. His mom has a 'superhero complex' as I've said, and her money has been stolen by her two daughters. She has no savings even now because she's really not financial savvy.
She does have food stamps. We're look into section 8 and other welfare programs. Thanks.
The money has been solely coming from my boyfriend.
Our tax hard earned dollars at work. So glad we taxpayers could help.
Far be it for someone like her to help their own damn self!
She's taking stamps and will be getting aid that could go to someone who really needs it!
Tell her to get a job (or two or three) and to seek shelter from someone she wasted her own money on.
Last edited by picklejuice; 11-11-2014 at 10:10 PM..
FYI for those that don't read all posts...the boyfriend (son) has been paying rent according to the OP.
I've stated it so many times already, but people seem to gloss over it. His mom's ONLY income is my boyfriend and I've chipped in for rent as well. Meaning that without him, she would have been living in a house that she's not paying the mortgage for without electricity, water, etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
Whats wrong with living with your parents, paying rent and helping them out? Not my choice, but there doesn't seem to be a problem with that in my book as long as everyone agrees and no one is taking advantage of the others.
Actually, my parents like it that I live with them because I give them rent since they don't make much and I help them translate documents and pay bills.
Different strokes for different folks I guess.
Quote:
Originally Posted by karen_s
I know your heart is in the right place for sure, but they simply cannot handle the situation this way. She is a classic co-dependent personality and mom will not do one thing for herself until she hits the proverbial rock bottom and, like another poster mentioned, it is literally "sink or swim." They are not going to LET her be homeless, she did this to herself.
I have a couple of decades of experience with a former sister-in-law who did just this. She even has a college degree, no loans, yet refuses to work. As long as the family keeps enabling her, she will continue to live like this, clueless and irresponsible. The VA can hopefully set her up with some programs to get her on her feet. But they are her feet, and she is going to have to stand on them, on her own. She also needs mental health evaluation and counseling pronto, in my opinion.
THANK YOU for understanding. His mom really does have some issues. My boyfriend is not her third husband.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
Both of you aren't required to do anything, and maybe you are best not. She has made it this far without planning, she likely knows how to work people, the system, etc. Right know she is working you guys. Maybe get her into therapy so she can learn how to plan. It isn't just for emotional issues, they can help people figure out life.
I'm starting to believe this is the case now. 2 years and she's still not doing much. She goes on facebook, watches tv, discusses politics with us, complains about the house being messy. What about finding a job or fixing up her resume (it's been months since she touched her resume!) Clicked in my mind that she's mind****ing with us lately with the "guilt trips."
Quote:
Originally Posted by ipoetry
And here's another kicker... We both agreed that his mom CANNOT live with us whether we have a house in the future or rent. Ever. Yes, that's the bottom line. No its, ands, or buts about that and I'm sticking to that decision.
So grown kid can live off his poverty level Mom, not kick in for the mortgage, but he won't help Mom, "Ever!" (???)
No, I came to the conclusion that his mom has a problem that no mortgage can fix. And we are helping her out because our rent is her only income.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabinerose
What would be the benefit of someone like the OP's talking about doing this?? Just because houses can be bought for relatively cheap, does not mean everyone who is broke should randomly pack up and move to the "south".
Our job are both scientific. I doubt that we can just pick up and leave to go down south that easily.
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His mom cannot live with us because she brings lawsuit, custodys, craziness, and high level, intense, neverending drama into our life! It's not as simple as buy a house and let her stay with us! She has a problem! A major problem.
Thanks for all of the advices. I appreciate it and will look into suggesting section 8, etc. for her. That's all we can do.
I wish I could go back and edit the original post that my bf is paying rent. He's the breadwinner for the house. He's the one that has been paying rent and bills for the house throughout the years when his mom was busy playing bubble witch on facebook. When she was busy fighting custody battles for her granddaughter. When she was allowing her daughter to live with them even though they're the ones that are living rent free so to speak since they steal thousands from her while giving her a paltry rent every month. Give a bit and steal what they give and more.
The house is foreclosed and the mortgage not being paid is a direct result of his mom's bad decisions. Are we suppose to pay her mortgage even though we can't afford a house of our own. Are we supposed to pay off her mortgage for her? Are we supposed to stick around until it gets paid? Ridiculous. Does that mean it would be our house if that happens? I doubt it. His mom would just be comfortable and we're be in financial ruin because of it. I don't think people are getting that the mortgage is not the problem. It's his mom's poor planning and her "comfortable living" that makes her not want to move on. Not actively looking for jobs. I figured that out a while back, but this is truly sink or swim time now. We've been trying to push her out of her comfort zone, and it just so happens that this foreclosure notice speeded things up. In the meantime, we're just trying to help or gather ideas on what to do so that she doesn't end up homeless. I love her but damn she's frustrating.
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People need to understand that his mom cannot live with us because she brings lawsuit, custodies, craziness, and high level, intense, neverending drama into our life! Everywhere she goes, drama comes along with her. I would never feel safe since she's always in a legal battle with someone (her 1st husband, 2nd husband, two daughters, sisters, daughter's baby daddy, daughter's bf, etc.) I don't feel safe because of the constant drama and things that she does involve herself in. Who is to say that one day those people won't go knocking on my door looking for her. What if her daughter's associates have a gun and try to rob us? Her two daughters are deadbeats who always seem to hang out with questionable people. She will always love them and talk to them even if they burned down her house. It's been proven over and over the last ten years. It's not as simple as buy a house and let her stay with us! That would be a nightmare. People who associate with his mom always end up in trouble financially or emotionally go crazy. She has a problem. A major problem. So quit suggesting that she can live with us and that's gonna solve things.
I was looking more for advices (such as gov. programs, words of wisdom, similiar scenario etc.). Instead, I find myself explaining more that we are trying to help and that cannot involve us doing the impossible such as paying her mortgage or buying a house for her. So I would appreciate it if people stop making assumptions on our life and how we're mistreating her. We're trying to help since she burned down all bridges. Thanks for all of the helpful advices however from people who actually read the whole story.
Last edited by heartmydeals; 11-14-2014 at 05:07 PM..
I have family like that so I can relate. No, you do NOT want her living with you!
IMO 9 out of 10 times, people like your bf's mom always find a way to survive. So don't put too much pressure on yourself to try to "save" her. It's kind of you to want to help her; I would offer what information you have and then back away, and focus more on just being an emotional support to your bf right now, as I'm sure this is stressful for him. At 60, she is old enough to know better and young enough to work, and certainly ought to be able to make better choices.
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Interesting
She has a problem! A major problem.
