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I know this is going to sound petty but I get very annoyed when people ignore me via text messages and facebook. As time goes on, I take it more and more personally. Now im to the point that if they ignore me, I do it right back weeks later or I don't even contact them no more. But can you guys give me any suggestions on how i can handle this better?
It is personal. When that has happened to me I feel sad and embarrassed I even messaged the person. People that do care about me and want to have a relationship with me do get back to me.
Pick your friends carefully. Obviously, sadly the people who are ignoring you probably aren't interested in you.
Sorry if that sounds blunt.
Don't set yourself up.
well that is pain full I faced a lot since a year. for me it is better if they tell me directly that they will terminate the friendship than ignoring. specially apps like whats app, viber you can see they were been online. That is even worst when we feel they have been online but ignoring just our messages. This is all what I do now, Just remove them from my phone, And just take a step back and see when they need me. At some point this is the truth if some one care for some one they always can drop a message or give a call. Ignoring means simply they don't care or at the moment they don't need you for anything. In the begin I was hurt a lot but now I don't care a bit.
I will tell you a little incident what I faced. I had a very good friend who kept in touch all the time. We used to visit each other kid's birth days. But since two years she was reasoning like if this not happen I will come. And then she call on the same day as she is ill. I called the house phone to see if she is all right, no answer then the reason we slept so deeply. So this year I did not invite her for the party of my daughter. Because I did not want to hear another reasoning or calling off at the last moment, But she did honestly I lost my total interest to go so I said sorry cannot make it I have another party on the same day, and now she feel offended and mad at me. That is how some people are they wont realize what they do to the others but when they face it, it is the worlds end. Our words wont ease the pain try to learn to deal with it. Be strong!
I know this is going to sound petty but I get very annoyed when people ignore me via text messages and facebook. As time goes on, I take it more and more personally. Now im to the point that if they ignore me, I do it right back weeks later or I don't even contact them no more. But can you guys give me any suggestions on how i can handle this better?
Just curious -- how long of a delay would you consider to be someone ignoring you? As for that person, what is that person's lifestyle like right now? Are they being crushed by overwhelming responsibilities? Do they lead a laidback life? Do they have others in their care who require a lot of their time?
It might be personal, or it might not. FWIW, I admit that my track record of getting back to people is spotty. Casual conversations, yes, I respond quickly because so little thought is required. But emails and txt msgs that are lengthy and require much thought or introspection sometimes require a lot more than what I can give at that moment. It's not that I want to ignore them; it's that I want to really answer thoroughly and thoughtfully. Sometimes certain topics can be too painful to address, though. Or sometimes, I will be working through some issues or dealing with an emotionally/physically draining situation, and I feel I just don't have it in me to do the introspection needed to provide a thoughtful, real response.
Those correspondences, unfortunately, I tend to delay. My closest friends actually know this about me, and they generally know that when I drop off the radar for months at a time, it's not that I'm ignoring them; it's that I'm dealing with some internal stuff that may or may not be related to their message, and that I need to go into my cave for a while and work stuff out before I can communicate anything of value. I haven't always been like this, but I have been like this for a number of years now; life has presented a number of challenges, and I'm doing my best to work through them.
I could see a more casual friend being put off by this tendency of mine. I would feel bad about it, but the truth is, this is all I can give right now. I've been dealing with a difficult personal situation, and despite the fact that I sound perfectly normal (happy, breezy, carefree, even) on social media, the fact is, inside, I'm feeling crushed by certain life situations.. So...not that that's an excuse for being late in my responses to friends, but...it's truly the best I can do right now. It's too complicated to explain to anyone except my closest of friends (and even then, a lot goes unsaid -- too painful to discuss in person), so I know in all likelihood my non close friends will probably think I'm some flake and not worth the effort. I'm pointing this out only as an example that in some cases, being ignored may not be a personal slight against you. It might not have anything to do with you.
You asked for suggestions. I will say this: Don't assume. Making assumptions without evidence often leads to misunderstandings, hurt, anger, and/or disappointment. Unless you have a pretty good sense (based on concrete observations) that the delay is a personal slight against you, I would not assume it to be so. Reply to them when you have time; don't make a point to wait several weeks, but don't make a point to respond immediately either. Just do it when you have time. If that person is a good enough friend, feel free to touch base with them to see how they're doing. They might blow you off -- they might pretend as if you never sent them the msg. Or they might say, hey, sorry I've been out of touch. I know I owe you a txt msg. I definitely need to get back to you. Who knows what they will say unless you ask? Not saying you should be all clingy and whine, "Why haven't you responded to me?" Just suggesting the possibility of reaching out a second time as a way of creating an opening for communication.
FWIW, a friend of mine has had these radio silences happen to her with a few friends. She says she doesn't ever close the door on those relationships; she simply dials down her effort. So she no longer calls these friends as often; she calls them about as often as they call her. But if they increase their effort, she makes it a point to respond in kind. She holds no grudge against them at all.
Oddly enough, she is one of my closest friends and both of us tend to disappear for months at a time, sometimes with emails/txt msgs that go unanswered. But when we do get together, it's like we never had that several month hiatus or any unanswered msgs. No assumptions made, no grudges kept, and it is truly a joy whenever I get to hear from her or see her, whether or not I've received a reply. But we've been friends for almost 30 years now, so I suppose having a history together can help smooth over what would otherwise be considered rough spots in a relatively newer relationship. We don't have to prove anything to each other anymore.
I will say this: If possible, try not to let it get to you. Even if the friend is doing it as a personal slight against you, the fact is, ultimately, his/her drama has very little to do with you. In many ways, each of us in on our own stage, conversing with our own shadows. Not worth it to spend any time getting bogged down by what may or may not be a personal slight. Try to find the joy, if any joy exists, in the relationship -- and dial back the relationship if no joy is to be found. Put in only as much investment as the other person puts in. Then let it go. Best of luck to you.
Not much help to the OP here, but the world of FB and texting seems to be a cesspool of hurt feelings. Social media and texting seem like habits and environments that are breeding grounds of ill considered behaviour or just plain bad behaviour, compounded by unreasonable expectations.
I don't have FB, and I do not exchange texts. You need me: call if it is urgent, send email if it isn't. My time is my time, until I give you a piece of it.
It's a part of life; no one is actually obligated to respond to you, be friends with you or even care if you live or die. It's tough.. but that's life. I don't get attached to anyone that easily, so it doesn't bother me in the least. Forget it.. and don't try to write them again and ask why they ignored you. It would just make the matter more complicated.
I take it personally. I don't have facebook anymore; not because I was ignored, but because of the gossiping and the digs. It's just a new way for people to hurt each other IMO.
As far as texts go, if I don't get a response more often than not, I will stop texting. I give more grace to my inlaws, though, since I see them regularly and they initiate contact even if they sometimes don't respond. But if I send cards, send pictures of something I think is neat or want to share, yes it hurts me when I don't get a reply. I always reply, so I expect it in return.
I don't think it's petty. It's how you're wired. Some people may be wired to where they don't get hurt if they don't get a response.
drama king or queen, you are? You don't set expectations on others when it comes to txt messages or facebook. People have a life to live and so it's not really a "must" to reply to you. That's why it's always the best to either facetime, call, or in person. If they are not available, then it's understandable. I wouldn't hold grudge on little things like that, it bothers you more than it does to those who ignored you, IMHO.
Just don't let it bother you, that's all I can say. Time passes, people get busy and forget to get back, it doesn't mean they're ignoring you. Do you ever get ignored face-to-face? How do you react to that?
My closest friends actually know this about me, and they generally know that when I drop off the radar for months at a time, it's not that I'm ignoring them; it's that I'm dealing with some internal stuff that may or may not be related to their message, and that I need to go into my cave for a while and work stuff out before I can communicate anything of value.
These people you say you're not ignoring, do they live in the same city? If I were one of your so-called closest friends, and we lived in the same city, and you chose to "not ignore" me in this manner for months on end, we would not be closest friends, by definition. I would have put you in the ex-friend category some time ago.
If they're people in other cities, that's different. I have a friend like you in FL who spends most of his life in his "cave." But our friendship is more a function of memory than anything current or real.
Last edited by jay5835; 12-16-2014 at 09:37 AM..
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