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hello guys
i just needed some help
advice please comment down below
well i came from a Asian family and my culture is very strict with dating/ and having a guys friends
i am 20 year old and i attend college , it my senior year and im graduate soon
i do not lived with my parent but come visit them often as i could when i had my free time
my parent do not trust me with dating , they think that i needed to graduate and work , then i can start dating, it not fair that i miss how falling is like , but now it come to a time i fall for this guys
well this is the whole stories
i meet this guys from oovoo, and we start talking and dating
we talk everyday when i had free time , he is going to visit me , we met and we falling for each other , but the problem is his ex gf isnt still over him, they already broke up , idk how she know my parent phone number but his ex gf call my parent, saying that i go out with her husband even thought she and him never got married , what a joke she make herself look , calling somebody that is her husband and she did not marry her or give her any ring at all , so my parent thought that my bf already had wife , i explain to my parent that is not true at all , but they still didnt listen , they threaten me to broke up with them , you know that in Asian culture if we disobey our parent , they will hit us so i just sit still and didnt say anything , my parent never wanna try to get to know my bf and im so sick of it right , we still secretly dating without them knowing it and im start to get tired of hiding it , but i told my bf to wait for me until i graduate from college time! and he can go see my parent and ask permission if we can get married , he is very serious about dating me . he is 30 and i am 20 , age do not matter to me , we know we are soulmate ,i get along with him pretty well , he treat me well , now we dat about 1 year already and i dont know what to do with my parent , they wouldn't let me date until i graduate and work my butt off for them. after i graduate i wanna move out , save alot of money first then move out , it time i have my own freedom , they cannot treat me like this anymore .....
10 years is not too old, and I would like you to type that all in her language and make as much sense.
OP, its a tricky one. Are they paying for your school? If so you might want to just keep the relationship on the back burner for a while.
Are you 100% sure he wasn't/isn't married to her?
35 and 45 wouldn't be too big of a difference but, yes, 20 and 30 is. She isn't even old enough to legally have a beer and her brain still has some development ahead. There's still so much growth past 20 and 20 year olds shouldn't be going out with people who should already be settled into their lives. I'd be leery of any 30 year old who wanted to date a 20 year old.
In so far as the language thing, it's not about language so much as it's about sentence structure. Moreover, she's being educated in an English-speaking country and is held to the same standards as the other students in her classes.
35 and 45 wouldn't be too big of a difference but, yes, 20 and 30 is. She isn't even old enough to legally have a beer and her brain still has some development ahead. There's still so much growth past 20 and 20 year olds shouldn't be going out with people who should already be settled into their lives. I'd be leery of any 30 year old who wanted to date a 20 year old.
In so far as the language thing, it's not about language so much as it's about sentence structure. Moreover, she's being educated in an English-speaking country and is held to the same standards as the other students in her classes.
its your opinion as such. I know many happily married people who had a 10+ year age gap from early adulthood and have strong and happy marriages many years later. Lets not derail this thread. Let's answer the questions.
Again to get on topic, culturally its hard to give advice. I'd do it anyways, but I wouldnt have been disowned or beaten for it.
Your parents are absolutely right in asking you to focus on your education. You are too young to get into so much relationship drama. Its not healthy. Serious relationships need lot of time & effort to make them work. There will be plenty of time for dating after you graduate but for now please focus on school. Your parents' concern is legitimate as they are afraid you will throw away your life for this guy. If you were dating someone who was your age, went to school with you & was a good influence on you, your parents might have approved of him. Enjoy your college life, make friends, travel & focus on your career. Don't lose grades for a guy that has baggage. You need a good job to survive here so do what you can to build a stable career. Don't expect anyone to take good care of you, no matter how much they might be in love with you. Be selfish & do whats best for your future. I was raised in an Asian country too & did not like my controlling parents for pushing me so much to get educated but now I am so glad they did whats right for me. Love is the heart of a relationship & good finances are the spine. Without the spine you can still be alive but you wont be able to move around & enjoy life. So a good job, finances are equally important for a healthy relationship. Now is the time to invest in your career. Relationships may or may not last but a good education & hard work guarantees you a good life so invest your time & efforts very wisely
PS: Please improve your English. You are in usa & good written, spoken English is essential to get a good job.
Last edited by theluckygal; 12-31-2014 at 10:44 AM..
10 years is not too old, and I would like you to type that all in her language and make as much sense.
OP, its a tricky one. Are they paying for your school? If so you might want to just keep the relationship on the back burner for a while.
Are you 100% sure he wasn't/isn't married to her?
Ten years is definitely too much of an age gap at her age. It's not like she's 30 and he's 40 and she's an independent adult in charge of her own life and decisions. She is not even allowed to drink a beer legally and she is still under her parents' thumb, while he is already established in his career. They are in completely different stages of maturity and life, and he needs to be a grown-up and leave her alone.
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