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I don't like confrontation at all and I think my passive demeanor makes people think they can take advantage of me, so lately I've been pushing back. I don't think I would have done what your friend did. It's too isolated and there are crazy people out there, but maybe in a public area with lots of people, ahem witnesses, I would probably be a bit more bold.
With driving/traffic situations, no, I just move on. But if I'm in a public place (not driving) and someone is treating someone really badly, or acting completely entitled, I do speak up.
Very rarely would I confront someone and never someone in a car. I might kindly point out the error.
The last time I did this was several months ago, and I was really goaded into doing so. I stopped off at the restroom while DH went to our airport gate. He saved my seat with his carry-on. Some guy wanted that specific seat even though there were plenty of others available including one on the other side of my husband. After he asked if my husband was saving the seat and my husband explained I was in the restroom, he started accusing my husband of lying and said DH probably didn't even have a wife. He said a few other nasty bits while I was not there. When I arrived he was standing partially in front of the seat and immediately said to me, "Your husband is not gentleman. He wouldn't give up that seat." I was so stunned and confused by being accosted by this guy, I went off on him verbally. Fortunately I was pretty aware of being in an airport and that this was "not good airport" behavior. After a minute or so, I just said to husband, "We need to walk away and let this loser have his way." We got up and moved. It really was one of the most bizarre experiences ever for me.
i've found that new yorkers perfected the correct interaction many years ago, just yell "HEY ***HOLE" at any perceived slight, early and often. every other system I've seen just results in repression, which will eventually express itself in a rage incident or binge eating.
With driving/traffic situations, no, I just move on. But if I'm in a public place (not driving) and someone is treating someone really badly, or acting completely entitled, I do speak up.
Pretty much this. If I get cut off on the road, I will honk and throw my hands up, just to let the other driver know I'm not happy. Then I let it go.
I will speak up in public if I think the person being harassed could use some support, but I can't say it happens often. Meekness is dying out, and I'm glad.
In the case you described, I would not have. It didn't help anything (which is typically the case), the other driver isn't going to do anything different or learn a lesson. Your friend simply put her and you in danger. It was a stupid, hot headed thing to do.
I wouldn't do anything like what your friend did. I'd be too scared to get shot or run over or kick-off some kind of epic stalking saga.
Some of this might be cultural, though. While researching for a trip to Tokyo, a guy said to take care to remember particular manners. It is rude to speak on your cellphone in the train. He told of once taking a call on a train and having nearly the entire train car turn and look at him. Instant correction is encouraged there. Fascinating.
I have an ex who was a former biker. He was a bulky guy with a lot of tattoos and scars, but had a very mild voice. When someone was being rude to a retail worker or counterperson, he would always intervene with good results, lol.
And my mother - who is really not my moral idol in any way - once impressed me greatly by chewing out a guy on the Jersey shore boardwalk for smacking at his toddler's legs to get him to stop struggling with his stroller. It was rather epic.
If someone is endangering others I will speak up. If they're being rude or hurtful to someone else, I will speak up. But I'm not looking for a conflict.
As someone else said, I only speak up if someone else if being harmed or mistreated.
I get tired of people who feel like they have the right to police everyone else. I was sitting at a stoplight one day. It was the middle of summer, oppressively hot and I couldn't figure out why my AC wasn't blowing. As I was looking down at the AC controls, the light apparently turned, and because I didn't move within a second and a half, the impatient woman behind me laid on her horn. I promptly accelerated. At the next light, she pulled up along side me and started gesturing wildly for me to roll down my window. I know I should have ignored her, but I was curious what she had to say.
"IF YOU WOULD STOP TEXTING, YOU WOULD HAVE KNOWN THE LIGHT CHANGED!!!!!!"
I (not so) politely replied "Ma'am, my phone is in my purse, but since you apparently have xray vision into my car, perhaps you could tell me which finger I'm holding up. By the way, the light is green." HONK!!!!!!
Back in the days of Southwest Airlines where you had to get in line for a numbered card, we had developed a long line of people waiting for their cards. Along comes Mr. Businessman sauntering up to the front of the line and sticks his hand out.
I walked up to him, tapped him gently on the shoulder and asked him to please get back in line and wait his turn.
He turns to me and says "I'm not hurting anyone", to which I reply "Yes. You are. You're disrespecting every adult in this line who took the time to get here early".
He then looked me in the eye and mumbled some profanity, to which I responded "We're all going to the same place. I'll be at baggage pickup when we get there if you'd like to discuss it further.".
So, he goes back to the end of the line. While on the flight, I "had" to use the washroom. (Actually, I just wanted to see where he ended up sitting). Turns out he was in the back row by the washroom, middle seat, which couldn't recline. I made eye contact as I went to "wash up". Had he just stayed in line, he would have at least not been stuck in a middle seat in the back row, so he really DID hurt someone--himself!
Now, all of that said, we had been through security, so I know he didn't have a weapon. I would have NEVER done that on the street.
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