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This personality type typically shifts the infraction on the people they frustrate with remarks like, "Well I'm sorry if you cant handle it, but I do have a right to my own opinion." True, but that rightful opinion can also be expressed with the maturity and skill to disagree without being disagreeable. And there is nothing wrong with letting tact and discernment take place in conversation ahead of the urge to appear more knowlegable, which could suggest insecurity.
I absolutely despise this behavior and avoid it as much as possible. I have close relatives who do this: meaning they like to argue for the sake of arguing always believing they are right while everyone else in the entire world is wrong. I usually choose not to disagree with someone like this because its usually arguing over mostly trivial topics. It's best to ignore it and not engage such a person or change the topic to something else. A wise phrase to think about "choose your battles."
How do you want it to be if you could not change him? I personally don't want to be a puppet to other people's unconscious behavior. Nor do I want to "fix" it. It's exhausting (been there done that...lol). Figure the question out I asked and strive for that. That way you stop suffering.
I have a friend right now who Ive know for 40 years that is very narcissistic. Within minutes after sharing something he has a way of bringing his knowledge to the center of attention... He prides himself on being smart. AND he is smart but I never feel heard when I hang up the phone.
For years I listened because I focused on how excited he got thinking he was so "right". He got so excited when I just listened and reflected back to him what I was hearing. But recently that has stopped being fun because the relationship is so one-sided.
So I had a conversation with him about it. I said I would prefer he allow me to talk without giving advice and to go deeper with me by asking more questions about what Ive done or challenges Im facing. That I did not want his advice unless I asked." He said "it sounds like you are trying to change me" and I said "no, Im sharing with you what I need. It's your choice to go along or not. If you don't I wont call as much and if you do I would be happier in the relationship." He apologized reluctantly but since this time he continues the old way because he is clueless what is driving his behavior. So sadly we talk half as much now. Im not drawn to call him.
So Im going to live with my decision to find new ways of getting my friendship needs met. Hope this help you to also be inspired to accept and move on....
We are all on a journey. Some of us continue to sleep walk others are waking up and being more conscious about love and what relationships can mean. Life is too short not to enjoy the passions each of us has inside to share with the world. I want to be around people who feed my soul not my lizard brain!
You GOT IT...pretty simple. AKA:right fighters. It's got NOTHING AT ALL to do with YOU. It's all about control AND having the last word. I lived with a parent like that for 17 yrs and left home. Whatever hardships leaving home early gave, the peace and serenity of not dealing with her was worth it.
You cannot change them. Best you can do if one is a parent, is find some 'good' qualities about them and dwell on those, don't live in the same home with them, and when you ARE visiting, when the 'going gets rough' politely say, "BYE!" and leave. Try and think about how your mom has to live with it day after day, but she probably tunes him out by now.
City-Data is also rampant with right fighting passive-aggressive people. I find out WHO they are and then make sure to skirt them and I avoid commenting on their posts at all costs, as they go on and on and on...for WHAT PUROPSE?? Being 'right' on City-Data??/
People who are habitually contrary to other's opinions usually do it to have the last word, no matter what. I don't know if it makes them feel like big cheeses, or if they just enjoy trivializing what others say, but it's always important to them to know more than the person talking to them. And the sad thing about it for them is that they often sound ridiculous to everyone else because it is such obvious bull----.
I've known people like that, and including a brother-in-law that I can't stand. I do not give them opportunities to climb higher horses. I let it drop noticeably and let them have their last word without drum rolls.
You're wrong about them not being aware that they're doing it. They're very aware they're doing this, that is the point.
It's about control and always having to be right, and causing drama.
I call them the "opposite people", whatever you say(including the sky is blue when it is blue) is wrong.
It's amazing to experience and mind boggling at the same time.
I was thinking how, once with my "Opposer", we and two others had dinner with her friends (couple) visiting from out of the area. It was funny, because as the other four of us became engaged in conversation, the opposer stayed so quiet, it became noticeable. Now see, normally one-one-one, she would be doing her usual thing, but there was no place for it in this setting, since she could not control things. I have been around her occasionally with others and will see her keeping things very light and probably has to concentrate to do this. I've wondered what she does alone with others when I am not there to witness their interaction. Maybe she reserves the arguing for relatives, because she feels comfortable in doing so.
My father is like this ,i live in a Muslim country ...and i don't want to brag , but im pretty much smart considering my family , im the only one who speaks 4 languages, in fact im atheist since i was 17 .. of course my family doesn't know that or else that will be a death sentence for me in this Muslim land ...
sometimes i say true things that they don't like , don't get me wrong i wasn't talking about religion stuff , just simple life things , now my father got this attitude with time , every time i prove him wrong or every time i show him he's not that wise of a man ... the attitude to disagree with me gets stronger and stronger ..
my father is pretty much worse than yours i would say .... not only he disagrees with me just for the sake of disagreeing ... but he gets aggressive if i try to justify why im right, some times he just end the discussion that HE STARTED and if im right at the end , he blames me for what he has done ,saying i suggested something else, first i thought he was just lying every time he does that so he can get away with it , now i think he truly believe that in his mind , that im the cause of bad decision he makes ..
Some times i just shut my mouth when he makes big decision that evolve a lot of money , Like building a house or buying a car ... because such decisions touch everyone else including me, because if i talk .. he disagrees and do stupid things and blame it ON ME
he developed now a non-conscience attitude to do THE OPPOSITE of what im saying.. after HE CONSULTS me
i still ignore the true reason why he does this kind of stuff ... BTW , he doe's that only with me
My husband does the same thing with me, and he loves to argue with my mom too. It's so freaking annoying. People just want to speak without being counterargued. It's insanely hard to further a conversation when the other person is shooting your comments down all the time.
When I'm sick of it, I'll tell Husband, "The sky is blue, but you'll probably say it's light or dark blue."
To him, adding to the conversation means him counterarguing each sentence you say, so when he has no counterargument, he'll just stay silent.
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You GOT IT...pretty simple. AKA:right fighters. It's got NOTHING AT ALL to do with YOU. It's all about control AND having the last word. I lived with a parent like that for 17 yrs and left home. Whatever hardships leaving home early gave, the peace and serenity of not dealing with her was worth it. 
and if im right at the end , he blames me for what he has done ,saying i suggested something else, first i thought he was just lying every time he does that so he can get away with it , now i think he truly believe that in his mind , that im the cause of bad decision he makes ..
