Just Venting... (siblings, person, children, gatherings)
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I'm at a family gathering event that has lasted a long weekend plus a few days of set up and clean up and it's gotten hard to gracefully suffer a sibling's children. The event has entailed quite a lot of food/meal prep, entertaining company, visiting, keeping things neat/clean and all in close quarters. The kids are getting into food that they have been told is off limits, that belongs to other people or that is intended for another meal, eating between meals without supervision, making messes in the kitchen or tossing sneaked food wrappers in the yard/gardens.
One (a 10 y/o boy) is getting into everything not locked up, outbuildings, vehicles, rooms, and removing or disturbing things belonging to others. The other a teenager, has pretty much holed up watching TV in their room while everyone else pulls the work sled but is first in line for food, eating their and two other people's share of the meal, particularly treats like dessert, begging for seconds before everyone else has been served first.
The parents are oblivious to their children's behavior and how their clear lack of manners, boundaries and respect for the property of others affects people. I had to speak to one child after the 20th raid (I'm not exaggerating) on the cookie jar in a few hours period of time, pretty much ensuring that there wasn't going to be cookies for anyone else later. Hopped up on sugar from sneaking candy, cookies and stealing (from other's coolers) sodas, the behavior when asked to do something as simple as put on shoes or wash up has been appalling. If I weren't helping pull this event and it's wind down together because I'm honoring a commitment, I'd have packed up and gone home yesterday.
There is nothing to be done. I'm venting here because I can't do anything else. I've tried to gently suggest that one of the parent's might want to keep an eye on the 10 y/o when he's getting into things he shouldn't or that there were jobs fit for the teenager lying around while everyone else was task saturated but it either fell on deaf or unreceptive ears. This certainly wasn't how I was raised to behave and though the sibling in question got away with more in childhood due to their favored status, it wasn't how they were raised either. Having had no children, I am not allowed to have an opinion on this subject, though I definitely do have one.
Mod cut: Orphaned (referenced post has been deleted).
I hope you feel better. It is good you realize that there is really nothing more you can do in this situation. You do not have any control over what other people do--and especially the kids of others....including your siblings kids. If it were me I would avoid future events like this where you offer to help organize and oversee it. I would go and be an attendee, offer to clean up and leave. That way, I would not be placing myself in another very stressful situation where kids are out of control, disrespectful and the parents are so obviously oblivious to their actions. Hopefully, one day you will look back on it and you will laugh and provide folks with a humorous take on it instead of holding onto resentments about it. It really sounds like a sitcom from what you described.
Now, go get a cookie before Cookie Monster eats them all.
Maybe I am turning into a GOL (grumpy old lady), but I would not hesitate to scold any young person under the age of 18 who is treating my home (or anything in it) disrespectfully. If they don't know how to behave and/or their parent(s) turn a blind eye, then I feel that I am actually doing them a favor so that they won't alienate anyone else in the future to whom it is in their best interest not to offend.
And if their parents get in a huff, so what? It is their fault for not teaching their children better manners, and if they want to get angry with me and leave, I figure that I would be better off without the parents' company, too!
Hopefully you will survive this and next time come up with other tactics or not even have a next time. As far as food goes, you certainly can post group gathering food rules! Example: no seconds until everyone has had firsts! Also perhaps keep desserts separate and explain that you will be taking dessert "orders" and delivering them personally so that everyone can sit together and visit without constant shuffling. Perhaps have the teenager be one of the dessert servers or be the order taker so he understands allocating servings.
If the event is taking place at your house, you certainly do have the right to correct the behavior of the children. ("My house, my rules.") If you are the one who bought or prepared the food items, you do have the right to control how they are distributed, within reason.
I do note, though, that you refer to "a sibling's children" rather than "my nephews." (You didn't state the gender of the teenager, so for convenience I will assume he's a boy.) It seems pretty clear to me that you have no relationship with your own nephews, and in fact you actively dislike them. You can be certain that they've picked up on this, and probably reciprocate. I am sure that when their parents told them that they would be seeing "Aunt Cathy" at this gathering, their reaction was one of displeasure, or at best indifference.
If you want to be a "real" aunt, I would recommend trying to work on developing a relationship with your nephews, ideally in a setting where you're not under the stress of trying to manage a family gathering. But if you'd rather not bother, then I suggest you simply avoid them in the future.
I posted my reply thinking this was not at the OP's house....if it was at her house, and that kind of unruly behavior was going on in my home and it got that out of control, I would have kicked the kids and the parents out. Guess maybe some of you young un's can put up with that baloney, not me.
Having had no children, I am not allowed to have an opinion on this subject, though I definitely do have one.
Oh, I'm a childfree aunt, too.
Quote:
There is nothing to be done. I'm venting here because I can't do anything else.
There is something you can do. Eventually it's going to dawn on your sibling that you don't have kids. Ergo, you have no heirs.
In my case, it appeared in a series of birthday/Christmas/etc cards from nieces who formerly seemed unaware of my existence. So I oh-so-casually mentioned by-the-bye that we had had our wills made and we are leaving all our property to a cat rescue organization. Satisfaction gained, problem solved.
I do note, though, that you refer to "a sibling's children" rather than "my nephews." (You didn't state the gender of the teenager, so for convenience I will assume he's a boy.) It seems pretty clear to me that you have no relationship with your own nephews, and in fact you actively dislike them.
It seemed obvious to me that the OP has a problem with her sibling and the sibling's lack of parenting, not so much the children. That became apparent when she attempted to get the sibling to rein in the bad behavior and sibling refused.
This is why family gatherings require ample amounts of alcohol.
Oh, that really is going to solve alot.... Just like throwing gasoline on a fire does.
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