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As a 39 year old senior manager, I like helping talented people get a job and provide career advice. I love being a mentor. I like the idea helping people get a leg up in their career and teach people things I wish I knew when I was younger.
So anyway, I met this remarkable woman who is about 10 years younger than me at a professional association meeting for other marketing and communications professionals and we hit it off, I thought. I struck up what I thought was a real friendship and I helped her with her resume, cover letter, job search plan and introduced her to some important people in our field.
Through my help, I was first able to get her a contract position that lasted six months but had lots of responsibilities and paid very well. Then when that ended, I got on the phone and talked to all kinds of people and got her interviews at a number of the leading firms that would employ someone with her background. I stuck my neck out for her and she was interviewed and hired based mostly on my recommendation. Because Corporate Communication is such a competitive career field, she had never been able to get an interview with these companies without my recommendations.
All along we had lunches and sent emails back and forth. I thought we were friends. She was very engaging and seemed to enjoy my company. No romance or any fights or disagreements.
A few weeks after she was hired at her dream job, she wrote to me in a terse email and said now that she was finally working in her field, she had no time for me and said good bye. She de-friended me from Facebook too. I wrote back and she did not respond.
1. You were used by a woman to get what she wanted lol
2.
He wasn't used at all, it's the opposite IMO. Older man pretends to want to help young career girl off the ground because he just likes to help young people or whatever that explanation was, when the whole time he is doing it because HE wants something from her. An unspoken IOU if you will.
OP, girls in their 20's don't generally pal around with 39 year old men unless it is a romantic relationship. Did you think you guys would hang out? Or were you hoping for romantic interest?
Did you tell her you were doing this because you wanted a friendship to develop between you two, or did you tell her you're helping her because she's a nice, talented girl and you like helping young talent? if the latter, you have no reason to be upset with her IMO.
But we did pal around and wrote emails back and forth and had many lunches without any expectation of anything other than friendly conversation. I had no IOU other than enjoying our discussions and interactions and helping a younger talent break into our competitive career field.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl
He wasn't used at all, it's the opposite IMO. Older man pretends to want to help young career girl off the ground because he just likes to help young people or whatever that explanation was, when the whole time he is doing it because HE wants something from her. An unspoken IOU if you will.
OP, girls in their 20's don't generally pal around with 39 year old men unless it is a romantic relationship. Did you think you guys would hang out? Or were you hoping for romantic interest?
Did you tell her you were doing this because you wanted a friendship to develop between you two, or did you tell her you're helping her because she's a nice, talented girl and you like helping young talent? if the latter, you have no reason to be upset with her IMO.
What were you expecting in return? Were you genuinely being a mentor to a young professional (if so, mission accomplished) or were you using that as an inroad to a deeper relationship? Maybe the lunches and conversations had a more intimate feel to her than she wanted but she didn't want to alienate you.
Her actions do seem unnecessarily cold, though. And not very smart since she is burning a bridge that could potentially have been helpful in the future. She has burned the bridge, right?
I would suggest you to separate mentoring from friendship unless it's someone you had previously friended. If you are friends before you help them out then you will know they are really friends and not just using you.
But we did pal around and wrote emails back and forth and had many lunches without any expectation of anything other than friendly conversation. I had no IOU other than enjoying our discussions and interactions and helping a younger talent break into our competitive career field.
You may have not had any expectations or IOU planned but maybe she did not perceive it that way. It doesn't sound like you were pals before you were trying to help her. BTW, was she good looking? Would you have invested as many lunches and conversations with her if she was fugly?
Interesting thoughts but generally I am not going to stick my neck out and put my reputation on the line for someone I am not friendly with. Actually she wrote more emails to me than I did to her and made the lunch arrangements, so I was not the needy one. FYI: She is plain looking and a little overweight, so I am not talking to her for her appearance.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceangaia
What were you expecting in return? Were you genuinely being a mentor to a young professional (if so, mission accomplished) or were you using that as an inroad to a deeper relationship? Maybe the lunches and conversations had a more intimate feel to her than she wanted but she didn't want to alienate you.
Her actions do seem unnecessarily cold, though. And not very smart since she is burning a bridge that could potentially have been helpful in the future. She has burned the bridge, right?
I would suggest you to separate mentoring from friendship unless it's someone you had previously friended. If you are friends before you help them out then you will know they are really friends and not just using you.
As a 39 year old senior manager, I like helping talented people get a job and provide career advice. I love being a mentor. I like the idea helping people get a leg up in their career and teach people things I wish I knew when I was younger.
So anyway, I met this remarkable woman who is about 10 years younger than me at a professional association meeting for other marketing and communications professionals and we hit it off, I thought. I struck up what I thought was a real friendship and I helped her with her resume, cover letter, job search plan and introduced her to some important people in our field.
Through my help, I was first able to get her a contract position that lasted six months but had lots of responsibilities and paid very well. Then when that ended, I got on the phone and talked to all kinds of people and got her interviews at a number of the leading firms that would employ someone with her background. I stuck my neck out for her and she was interviewed and hired based mostly on my recommendation. Because Corporate Communication is such a competitive career field, she had never been able to get an interview with these companies without my recommendations.
All along we had lunches and sent emails back and forth. I thought we were friends. She was very engaging and seemed to enjoy my company. No romance or any fights or disagreements.
A few weeks after she was hired at her dream job, she wrote to me in a terse email and said now that she was finally working in her field, she had no time for me and said good bye. She de-friended me from Facebook too. I wrote back and she did not respond.
Was I used, or is just the way things work.
In reality, someone who is so influential as to be able to get someone hired who previously could not even land an interview would be too shrewd to be used this way.
In reality, someone who is so influential as to be able to get someone hired who previously could not even land an interview would be too shrewd to be used this way.
I call BS.
I tend to agree. Would have thought the nature of the relationship would have been discussed or sorted during one of those "lunches".
Hey - to the OP, I'm not trying to assume anything here. However, is it possible you were attracted to this woman & maybe wanted to go out with her? You say she was somewhat overweight & plain looking, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I.e., if you're a "chubby chaser" - like I am - you may be into that. Just sayin'....
Also, I'm in my 40's and if I've learned anything in my life, it's that most people out there are only looking out for #1. And, once you realize that & expect nothing from anyone else, you will end up being more content.
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