Hanging Out with Friends Versus Socializing (talks, person, member, introverts)

[jazzcat22]

I realize that social interaction is a broad category and would definitely include quality time with friends. And I would think that this type of social interaction would be the most satisfying to us; that's why they are friends. But there is a difference between being with friends and socializing, as in going to parties or out to dinner with people who aren't close friends. I would think that most of us do both, but I am curious to see if others try to limit the socializing aspect with non-close friends since it can be so frustrating or draining.

I am quite an introvert, but I do like people and am actually somewhat gregarious. So being with close friends suits me well (even that in limited doses). But the problem is that these close friends are limited in quantity and some eventually fade away or flame out, so it seems prudent to always be trying to cultivate more. There seemingly is no other way than to "audition" people to see if they are actual friend material, so that's where the more routine and (to me, at least) less fulfilling socializing comes in. Occasionally one of these people develops into a true friend whom I do enjoy. But 9 times out of 10, not. It winds up sucking time and energy fro me and not giving much in return.

Perhaps if I was an extrovert any social interaction would be worth my while. As an introvert, I am thinking it really isn't. But everything I read talks about how a strong social system is good for emotional health, so I keep plugging away, but am beginning to wonder if it's worth it.

Would like to hear from both extroverts and introverts...

[bus man]

I realize that it's a chicken-and-egg situation; you can't acquire good friends if you don't socialize, but you'd rather just hang out with your good friends and avoid socializing with everyone else. As a fellow introvert, I find socializing with people I don't know well to be very draining. The handful of good friends that I have, have generally come from occasions where I could meet them and develop friendships on a one-to-one basis.

And remember: there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. There are many times when an introvert's best friend might be a favorite book, with whom many enjoyable hours may be spent.

[jazzcat22]

Thanks, busman. This is exactly the conclusion I've reached---just wanted someone else to verify it so I didn't feel crazy. And I agree with being alone versus lonely. I feel most lonely when I'm with other people since I seldom connect as deeply as I would like...

[cindersslipper]

We are primates, and need other primates whether we like to acknowledge it or not.

There are set recurring natural numbers that dictate the size of your own personal village.

150 is the most successful number. *Dunbars Number

But this is comprised of layers. It might surprise you OP to know that most humans have 5 close relationships at any given time, then 15 more you would call Friends, then theres the 50 layer which includes friends of friends, colleagues etc, then your wider group, people you know IRL vs people you know on social media, who you would catch up with in an airport>>>150

There is always movement at the edges which is when people fall out of your life, new ones come in etc.

This is what a healthy brain requires, my therapist tells me, and what everyone should (actually instinctively does) aspire to.

[starfighter]

I myself get lost very easily in my social life. I've moved around all my life and I used to have trouble figuring out who's worth my time and energy and who isn't. Then I found that the only relationships worth keeping are the ones that provied true value to you and the others involved. They have to be beneficial to your overall health. Otherwise, spend your time and energy on people who at least aren't boring. It's really that simple.

[elyn02]

I do both but that is because I rarely turn down an invitation.