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I'm honestly conflicted with this situation and it is bugging the living hell out of me.
There was a time in my life where I was a poor college kid, and another time where I was a poor college graduate, struggling to find that first job and adequate income. Back then there were very few people I could turn to for help if I needed it. I never starved, but one situation in particular left a bad taste in my mouth. The tire on my car blew out, I had to have it towed and did not have the money to get it out of impound. I needed that car to carry me back and forth to work. I didn't have a down payment for another vehicle nor did I qualify credit-wise for one at a dealership. My parents, although they had the money, refused to help. They had the money, for certain they did, but they didn't help me because they wanted me to pull myself up by the bootstraps and figure it out as an "adult". It was a very tough moment in time which resulted in as job loss... Anyway. I never harbored any bad feelings and we still talk, blah blah. Things went on as normal. However, I was always really hurt that they didn't help me since they are my parents. Like, jeez. I had proved to be responsible with money so they didn't have much of s reason to deny me... But anyway, it also taught me this: in life, even as an adult, it is perfectly okay to ask for help and need help.
These days I am a self feeder, I make great money, etc. A few days ago my parents asked me for a loan, a loan substantially more than what I asked for eight years ago. Their situation isnt that they are irresponsible with money... My mother's salon hasn't done as great since my sisters left plus other related issues... The situation is that they are in danger of losing their house which is close to being paid off (four years). My loan would cover paying off the house since that is the expense they are most struggling with.
I'm not sure what to do... I am not a spiteful person but part of me does want to say, "Pull yourself up by the bootstraps..." However, really, there's no other reasons why I shouldn't give them the money.
Tell them you will lend them the money and you know it must be really hard for them for them to ask you to do something they thought was a bad idea to do for you. Maybe print out a payment schedule.
Your parents wouldn't spring to get your car out of impound, and as a result you could not get to work and so you lost your job?
I would not lend them a dime. Never mind the Golden Rule coming back to bite them in the behind. If they can't pay their mortgage now, what makes you think they'll be able to pay you back?
Nope, your mother should have sold the business. They made a bad decision. That is far worse than having a tire blow out, something you most likely had no control over.
I'd sit down with them and tell them exactly how the way they treated you when you needed a loan made you feel and how it has affected your feelings for them and your reaction to their request. Stay calm and just state the facts, but say everything you have always wanted to say about that experience. Lay it all out, but don't be overly emotional or accusative.
Listen to what they have to say in reply. Then make your decision about whether to loan them money based on how they respond.
If you do decide to make the loan, make it a in a businesslike manner. Get legal advice and have a lawyer draw up document with a payment schedule and an agreement on what happens if they do not make payments in a timely manner.
You have a right to feel as you do, but you probably owe it to your parents to let them know how that experience has affected your relationship with them and why their request for a loan bothers you so much. Give them the opportunity to help you heal that old wound if they choose. Then you will have some objective information to help you make your decision about the loan.
You are not responsible for your mother's money problems and your parents didn't take responsibility for your's that one time. Maybe they should sell their house and get a cheaper one or get a new loan agreement set up.
You are not responsible for your mother's money problems and your parents didn't take responsibility for your's that one time. Maybe they should sell their house and get a cheaper one or get a new loan agreement set up.
If they own a business, they have plenty of options. That goes twice over if they have equity in the building the business is in. They don't need to ask their kid for money--which also tells me they are asking because they probably would not feel obligated to pay it back, the way they would with a loan from a bank.
I'll be honest: I can't stand people like the OP's parents. Unless the OP was some kind of swindler or con artist, there is really no reason to turn someone down over something as small as getting a car out of impound when the reason they need the car in the first place is to go to work like a responsible, tax-paying citizen. I can't imagine any loving parent being so extreme that they would rather their kid lose a job than spot him or her a few hundred bucks.
Do not loan them any money, unless you will be perfectly fine if they never pay it back. They can't pay their bills because they dont have money, a bank wouldnt loan them money because of that. So if you do, loan it with the realization that you may not get it back.
Apparently you do harbor bad feelings about that incident, or you wouldn't have mentioned it.
How important is it to keep on good terms with your parents? They're almost sure to blame you if they lose their house because you said you could afford to lend them the money, and they probably know that or they wouldn't have asked you for a loan. How important would it be if they never repaid you? After you know the answers to those questions, you can make your decision.
I agree with the poster who said to tell them about those bad feelings you have from before and clear the air. Definitely have a lawyer draw up papers and keep it on a professional basis, unless you truly don't care if they never pay you back.
Also, how sure are you that they don't have any money tied up in savings somewhere or a pension they could cash in?
Here, if you have trouble paying your mortgage, you go to the bank or building society first and they see if you can come to some sort of arrangement (eg. pay the mortgage over more years). Losing your house would be a last option after everything else was explored.
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