Family wouldn't loan money to me, now they need a loan (adults, disappointment)
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I'm honestly conflicted with this situation and it is bugging the living hell out of me.
There was a time in my life where I was a poor college kid, and another time where I was a poor college graduate, struggling to find that first job and adequate income. Back then there were very few people I could turn to for help if I needed it. I never starved, but one situation in particular left a bad taste in my mouth. The tire on my car blew out, I had to have it towed and did not have the money to get it out of impound. I needed that car to carry me back and forth to work. I didn't have a down payment for another vehicle nor did I qualify credit-wise for one at a dealership. My parents, although they had the money, refused to help. They had the money, for certain they did, but they didn't help me because they wanted me to pull myself up by the bootstraps and figure it out as an "adult". It was a very tough moment in time which resulted in as job loss... Anyway. I never harbored any bad feelings and we still talk, blah blah. Things went on as normal. However, I was always really hurt that they didn't help me since they are my parents. Like, jeez. I had proved to be responsible with money so they didn't have much of s reason to deny me... But anyway, it also taught me this: in life, even as an adult, it is perfectly okay to ask for help and need help.
These days I am a self feeder, I make great money, etc. A few days ago my parents asked me for a loan, a loan substantially more than what I asked for eight years ago. Their situation isnt that they are irresponsible with money... My mother's salon hasn't done as great since my sisters left plus other related issues... The situation is that they are in danger of losing their house which is close to being paid off (four years). My loan would cover paying off the house since that is the expense they are most struggling with.
I'm not sure what to do... I am not a spiteful person but part of me does want to say, "Pull yourself up by the bootstraps..." However, really, there's no other reasons why I shouldn't give them the money.
What should I do?
Only give them the money if you do not expect it back except if it were me I would not give it to them directly. Pay the mortgage, utilities or whatever to the creditor directly.
OR
Make it clear it is a one time event that will not happen again and require they put your name on the deed until you are paid back and it stipulates in the will you get paid back first when the home is sold before any proceeds are split between heirs.
You will never see that money again. Only way to do it is to get a lawyer to draw up papers with you as the mortgagor, so if they default on re-payment, you own the house.
I can only respond using my relationship with my own parents as a benchmark. Despite everything they did raise me and spend tens of thousands to feed and clothe me. As a matter of fact if it weren't for them I wouldn't even be alive. I wouldn't hesitate to help them save their home. Maybe you could remind them of the time they threw you to the wolves and tell them that you will not do the same.
I would give them the loan, but I would do it just like any other lender would: With a lien on the house, a fixed (but low) interest rate, and an amortization schedule.
Yes, it would be a real bummer to have to evict your parents from their house if they didn't pay, but you need to protect yourself!
I would give them the money... Not loan. Have you taken into account how many things your parents did do for you while you were growing up? Personally I don't think I could ever repay mine for all they did and gave to me throughout my life.
All they would get from me was a cold shoulder! You should do the same.
Swings and roundabouts
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