Making real friends on meetup.com (female, male, person, member)

[WildHeart22]

Has anyone successfully made friends through meetup.com? I have recently started seeking out more opportunities to meet friends, specifically girl friends. I'm a girl, in my late 20s. While I have a few close girl friends that live all over the country, I just experienced my first breakup and was awakened to the fact that I need girl friends HERE. Where I live. I needed friendship support so bad in the weeks following the breakup, and I just didn't have it (heck, I STILL need that support). I called/texted my friends so many times but it just wasn't the same as having someone here that could be with me, take me out, and help me deal. I felt/feel so alone.

That experience led me to seek out ways to meet girls. I found a girl friend social meetup group in my area. I have since gone to 3 events: a happy hour, a wine and paint night, and an apple orchard outing. Happy hour was fun. Paint night was fun but no one really talked to each other. The apple orchard was a really good time, phone numbers were exchanged, and tentative future plans were discussed.

I wonder though, how serious the girls were in pursuing friendship. I've found it's easy for people to be all, "yeah that sounds really fun!" but then lack on any followthrough.

Friendship post-college is hard. Almost as hard as dating post-college. People already have their circle of friends secured at this point. Or they are married/settled down. Either way, not many people are open or looking for new friends. So what, if you don't have friends or a significant other by 25 your SOL and forever alone?

Has anyone made successful and meaningful friendships with people from a meetup group? Or any other method?

[seain dublin]

I would suggest volunteer work or find a group you're interested in that meets with the same people each time. For example a bike riding group.

The problem with Meetup. com is if you're in a large area you're going to get different people for the most part at every event. Even for the same Meetup. So you could go to one event and the next time you see all different people, so you're really not getting to know anyone.

JMO, I tried a Meetup in my city and the group had something like 700 members, so you might meet someone you hit it off with at one event and than not see them again. I also found it seemed to attract a lot of socially inept people who are trying to put themselves "out there", some of them encouraged by their therapists. I have good social skills and am older than you and don't really want to be around people who are trying to improve theirs at this stage in the game.

It also seemed to attract(again my perception) people who have no interest in getting to know anyone and form real friendships, it just keeps them busy, they have something to do with others, and than they're on their way. They don't want to really know anyone than meetup and do something so they're not doing it alone. If that makes sense.

I gave it try and I wasn't looking for people I would become the best of friends with, but I found it attracted some odd people, and others who just like to be busy all the time, without really getting to know anyone.

Now if you're in a small community it might work, but in a city find something you like that has the same core group of people that maybe meets once a week, and get to know people that way.

I suggest a volunteer gig or a group that has the same members each time that interests you, if you're looking to make real friends.

[PhureeKeeper]

I've tried to get in on a couple of Meetup groups in my area, but the ones I was interested in always have waiting lists for their activities. Meh.

[blind spot]

I think meetup is really hit or miss depending on where you live and what groups you join. In my previous state I didn't have much luck meeting people who wanted new friends. In my current state I have had lots of luck meeting people I enjoy seeing at meetup events. I do find myself mostly attending meetups that have less than 100 people in the group because otherwise I experience what seain dublin said about connecting with someone at an event and never seeing them again. You do run the risk of a small group being cliquish and I've experienced that even with larger groups and in my old location I saw a lot of what he is talking about, people trying to be busy and not really looking for true friends.

I actually have made a couple friends through meetup that I hang out with on a semi regular basis, not every day or anything but we have kept a friendship going for over a year now and I honestly can't tell you why or how it happened. We just clicked at the first event I attended and became friends. I don't think there is a formula, but I relate to your feelings--not from a breakup but just needing friendship and companionship apart from an SO. It complicates things that some of my friends from high school have paired up and aren't interested in maintaining relationships apart from their "couple friends", which typically does not include the friends they had prior to the relationship. It hurts and you do need social interaction from different people especially if you are extroverted like me.

So that was kinda rambly but I definitely feel your pain and I think it's ridiculous to close yourself off from making new friends in your 20s (I am also a girl in her late 20s) as we've experienced. Our lives are going to change so much in the next 50+ years and I think it's myopic to think "Well I'm 25, guess I'm set for life and don't need to be open to meeting new people!"

[theluckygal]

Originally Posted by WildHeart22

Friendship post-college is hard.

You are absolutely right!!! In college I had not one but several circles of friends & my social calendar was full. We had a lot of time to hangout with friends in college so we invest a lot of effort in friendships & that's why they are so strong. Right after college when I started working in a tiny town, my social life became non-existent. I am an engineer so finding female friends at work has always been very challenging for me.

So what, if you don't have friends or a significant other by 25 your SOL and forever alone?

Doesn't matter if you have an SO or not, at any age you will need some friends you can confide in from time to time. Its healthy & highly recommended for your well being so please don't give up on finding new friends.

Has anyone made successful and meaningful friendships with people from a meetup group? Or any other method?

I recommend meetups or similar groups to others as I have made some good friends through these groups. I was a part of a group of professional women from different fields & we had lunch every month to promote our business & discuss new opportunities. It was a great group of smart, successful women & I made some long lasting friends through that group. When I started my first job in that small town, it was very challenging for me to find new friends. So I started participating in workplace activities & volunteering. I would go to different departments during my breaks & talk to other women at my office. Usually people are a bit guarded at workplace but when you run into them a lot you tend to make some good friends. My colleagues there were much older than me but we broke the age barrier to build strong, lasting friendships. When I moved to a new town for a different job, I had to do this all over again!!!!!! So I developed a system to make new friends, no matter where I am in the world. Here's my strategy:

- Make small chat with my neighbors
- Talk to other women at workplace & invite them for coffee or lunch. Ask them to involve you in any group activities like lunches or happy hour
- Participate in workplace activities, especially if other departments are involved (ex: toastmasters is a great way to improve public speaking skills)
- Get involved in the community by volunteering (ex: teaching kids, habitat for humanity)
- Take group exercise classes at the gym instead of working out alone
- Learn a new hobby by taking classes. Local community centers sometimes offer free classes
- Use social network (linkedin, facebook) to find friends from school & college who might be located closeby
- Travel to a new place every year so that you have some good stories & memories to share with others


In short, have a full life & become an interesting person so that people gravitate towards you & want to build lasting friendships. You might have to do this several times in a lifetime as you or your friends might relocate for better opportunities. So don't get too attached to them & rely on your strategy instead to find new friends.

[NWGirl74]

Yes, I have made several good friends through Meetup. We do more off of Meetup now than we do with it. However, I can tell you the culture of Meetup has changed.

I have been an organizer/member of Meetup for about 7.5 years. When I first joined and created my group in 2008, Meetup's slogan was "use the Internet to get off the Internet" and it was about organizers creating groups and those groups becoming communities (Meetup was founded in the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks when the founder saw how people in NYC were coming together). Most of the friends I have made through Meetup, I met in the early years (2008-2010).

In 2011, they changed their model, and with that came the push to join, join, join and join some more. At one point, the founder admitted to a gathering in organizers in SF that all they care about is group joins and RSVPs - that is what makes them look successful and attracts the investors. Now, it has come to the point where most members treat Meetup like a huge event calendar. People see an event that attracts them, they sign up and go and they never go to another event the group holds. The community feel the site was started for, sadly, no longer exists unless you belong to a group in which the organizer still makes the effort for that to happen.

[oh-eve]

I have meet cool girls at single events. yeah yeah, i know ... I was supposed to find a man there. I was at a single event and realized within a minute, that no guy there was worth looking at twice. I saw two girls just as annoyed about the waste of time and we locked our eyes, silently agreeing. Sat down and talked the rest of the night. That was 2 years ago and we are still friends.

I have been at other events and I found opportunities to make friends. I think it also depends on demographics. In my area, there is a lot of coming and going, so there are always new people around to look for new friends.

I don't think that age matters when it comes to making new friends. I have moved from Germany to VA at the age of 29 and made friends quickly. Moved to CA in 2010 and after a year, I found really awesome people. I was 33. And now at 38 I still find new friends on ocassion.

[NWGirl74]

Originally Posted by oh-eve

I have meet cool girls at single events. yeah yeah, i know ... I was supposed to find a man there. I was at a single event and realized within a minute, that no guy there was worth looking at twice. I saw two girls just as annoyed about the waste of time and we locked our eyes, silently agreeing.

At the last speed dating event I went to, which I signed up for through Meetup, I hit it off better with the woman at the next table than I did any of the men.

[oh-eve]

Originally Posted by NWGirl74

At the last speed dating event I went to, which I signed up for through Meetup, I hit it off better with the woman at the next table than I did any of the men.

hahaha, I know what you mean

[WildHeart22]

Originally Posted by NWGirl74

At the last speed dating event I went to, which I signed up for through Meetup, I hit it off better with the woman at the next table than I did any of the men.

The speed dating event I went to was one of the worst experiences of my life. Had I stuck around when it ended, I bet I would have hit it off with some of the girls as well! But I booked it out of there so fast, haha.