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from what I have read of the forums it seems when most people get married and raise a family they often only associate with other couples that also are married and have children?
does that make people that never married or raised a family more likely to have less friends as they get older since most of the people they knew when they were younger get married and stop associating with them or never have time for them like before?
For me, I stop associating with married people with children. I just cannot relate and have no desire to do so. It really depends on the person, but my preference are singles as friends. Yes, I've let many friendships go where I felt the other person changed after getting hitched. One nasty friend constantly looked down at me after she popped two kids out, saying how she could never stand to be in my "single" shoes again, yet asked me to be a nanny for the two kids!
There are a lot of factors that come into play here. Age is the biggest one. When you're younger, with few responsibilities, you spend the most time with your friends. As you age and mature, the natural transition is away from so much time with your friends. You simply don't have the same time for friends that you did when you were young as work and other life responsibilities get in the way of the constant fun of friendship.
Once people get to a certain age, those that are relationship-minded are pairing up/getting married. Often, the marriage comes with a move to somewhere family friendly, typically a suburb, if having children is a priority. So now we not only have age but geography.
Once children come along, people tend to meet others in their neighborhoods or through play-groups or the child's school. And just as when you were young and carefree, when you're older, you still tend to gravitate toward those you have things in common with, it's just that a lot of those commonalities are new ones not found between a single with no kids and a married with kids. But if your friendships are strong and you make the effort, you don't have to lose your friends, but you need to adjust to a new way of friendship.
The friends who pair up and/or have kids are not wrong for doing so. It's simply a part of life and no one is to blame for how things change. I truly believe that the ones who do friendship a disservice are the ones that expect that nothing should change at all.
My husband has solid 25-35 year friendships with 4 guys. They spent all their time together in their youth and now he's lucky to see each of them 3 times a year. But they all make the effort to text and call and get together when schedules allow it. My husband was the last of the group to get married and he did notice he got invited to a lot more things once we'd been dating for a while. I don't think he ever felt awkward going to things alone, as he's really secure in who he is. We get invited to a lot of kid birthdays, and we try to go to some but other times it's not worth it to drive for 3 hours just so he can see his buddy for maybe 15 minutes amid the chaos of a child's birthday. But I've never heard him lament that he wished things were different. It's just all a part of life, kids, aging parents, household responsibilities, work, let alone play and relaxation with your family at the end of a workday. Even though he sees them less than 20 years ago, they seem glad for each other's friendships, in whatever way they are offered today.
One nasty friend constantly looked down at me after she popped two kids out, saying how she could never stand to be in my "single" shoes again, yet asked me to be a nanny for the two kids!
Yes, married people with kids who think they are better than single folks are true scum-bags.
from what I have read of the forums it seems when most people get married and raise a family they often only associate with other couples that also are married and have children?
does that make people that never married or raised a family more likely to have less friends as they get older since most of the people they knew when they were younger get married and stop associating with them or never have time for them like before?
I never married and I seem to have more and more friends all the time.
I'm single and although I do have some married friends, I prefer single friends--it's only natural to want to be with people I relate to. I think the issue of having fewer friends as I get older is not married vs single so much as the fact that many friendships tend to fall by the wayside if not nurtured. If 2 people don't have the same availability, interests or financial situation, then one of the parties will eventually become disatisfied and drift away. I had a long period of time in my life when I was extremely busy with family caregiving responsibilities, working shifts and weekends, and another stretch when I didn't have a lot of spending money. A few of my friendships drifted away during this time period. I have more free time now and would like to find more friends. Problem is the issue of interests. Most single women in my age group and local area seem to be sedentary, shopaholic types, whereas I'm athletic and hate shopping. It's hard to find a good match. I notice that many social groups tend to have drinking events and I don't drink. So I think it's easier for married people to have friends, at least they have the kids thing in common or they can double date with each other. It's much harder for single people to make good friends because the interests have to match a lot.
from what I have read of the forums it seems when most people get married and raise a family they often only associate with other couples that also are married and have children?
does that make people that never married or raised a family more likely to have less friends as they get older since most of the people they knew when they were younger get married and stop associating with them or never have time for them like before?
I think it's the opposite...single people have more time to make friends...people raising a family, not so much.
I know many single people...they're always busy and have lots of friends.
Also I don't really think being married or not plays too much in having friends or not.
From my point of view (long time married, kids) people who are single tend to have more friends. I am friends with some but they always seem to be doing things I can't because I have kids or husband.
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