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I ask because having moved around the country a bit in the last 20 years or so, I've noticed that people's expectations and perceptions can be quite different depending on what they are used to.
If you lived in California, Massachusetts, Washington State, Washington DC, New Hampshire (there are a few others, but I just cannot think of them off the top of my head), you would most likely not get that kind of response from most of the Black or White people around you.
I've heard that response personally in Texas, Virginia, parts of Florida, Georgia and the Carolinas (lol). One man is his mid 40s where I used to work (Norfolk, VA UPS Distribution office) told me that "I talked good" and that I sounded "White". I tried not to give him the crazy look, but it concerned me that he would say something like that.
I have never had anyone say that to me in the first set of states I mentioned. I am not saying that it doesn't happen, but I doubt highly it happens often.
I think you need to consider moving because that type of perception (coming from White or Black people) can get very old and often says more about them and what they are used to than it does about you.
I live in Atlanta, GA. I figured in a big city like this with diverse groups of people I wouldn't hear it. I had an older black lady at my work who tried to hit on me tell me , "You talk really proper so you must be gay. Plus you don't talk alot. You are so quiet. You seem weird. You seem gay."
By the way, the friend I am talking about in my first post grew up in a small town in south alabama and still lives there.
I live in Atlanta, GA. I figured in a big city like this with diverse groups of people I wouldn't hear it. I had an older black lady at my work who tried to hit on me tell me , "You talk really proper so you must be gay. Plus you don't talk alot. You are so quiet. You seem weird. You seem gay."
By the way, the friend I am talking about in my first post grew up in a small town in south alabama and still lives there.
I live in the Atlanta area, towards the exurbs. I'm Black, and I've gotten the "you talk like a White boy" crap, from Blacks, and Whites. One guy I ran into one day,who happened to be White guy. He wasn't from the South, he was from New York City. He said to my face "you are the Whitest Black guy I've ever seen". He said it like it was no big deal, is if it was normal to say. He didn't seem to consider that he might upset someone by saying that.
In high school, one Black guy would frequently mock my voice and how I sound when I talk. It annoyed me alot. I also got the "Carlton Banks" jokes and high school and college. Alot of the kids making those jokes were Whites guys, but there were also a few Black guys doing it too.
I've been in the Atlanta area for a long time(mostly suburban and exurban areas) and I've gotten those "he talks White" comments.
If you lived in California, Massachusetts, Washington State, Washington DC, New Hampshire (there are a few others, but I just cannot think of them off the top of my head), you would most likely not get that kind of response from most of the Black or White people around you.
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I've heard that response personally in Texas, Virginia, parts of Florida, Georgia and the Carolinas (lol). One man is his mid 40s where I used to work (Norfolk, VA UPS Distribution office) told me that "I talked good" and that I sounded "White". I tried not to give him the crazy look, but it concerned me that he would say something like that.
I've never heard of Texas or Virginia being like that. However, living in Georgia, I've seen it here. Most of the persons who have made the "you talk White" comments, have been from Georgia. I heard that comment from a New Yorker once. Most of the time it has been people from Georgia.
I went to a high school that was very, well, "redneck". I've heard my share of the "N" word many times. Very often, it was from ignorant types who fit the "redneck" culture. I would expect the Carlton Banks comments and the "you act White" comments to come from same persons. The "Carlton"comments and "you talk White" comments were coming from kids who came from middle-upper class background. It happened in high school, but I was hearing it in college as well, one place I least expected to hear it.
Kinda the same. Whites accuse Blacks of talking ghetto but then think Blacks who speak clearly are trying to be white. Kinda ironic when a white guy acts "ghetto" (Eminem, iggy) it's widely accepted among whites. Just ignore it you don't need white people's acceptance. And Blacks who say you act white are just ignorant and jealous. F them all.
You need to ditch that friend, he sounds like an ass. Anyway, I get it from both sides as well. I speak properly MOST of the time (though being from the south, I can't help but use slang and ebonics at times ) and I have one aunt who gets so tickled when she hears me talk and even whites in school would tell me I was the whitest black person they ever knew. I like what the hell? I went to a predominantly black school for most of my elementary years (though the neighborhood was racially mixed black and white). Once we moved further south of town, I went to predominantly white schools and I know what it was like to be the token black guy. Black people thought I was too white or stuck up while whites thought I was an oreo and at times laughed if I portrayed any black traits. That said, your situation is what gets me annoyed when people compare homophobia to racism because they are not the same and in the LGBT community racism seems to be pretty prevalent.
I would ditch such persons as well. I find it quite disturbing that speaking proper English is something that gets ridiculed.
Getting it from both sides is a catch 22. Basically, either way one can't win.
Some of what you've mentioned, I've gotten it. I've gotten the "You've the Whitest Black guy I've ever met" comments. Like you, I was left wondering "what was that about?". For me, it was about "look, I speak like this because this is how I've always spoken".
I get what you mention because I've been through alot of this myself. I've gotten the comments and I've been laughed at. Kind of odd. One speaks proper English because it's considered normal, but getting ridiculed for it.
And about LGBT, you have mentioned what I rarely say in public. Being Black, well, I'm Black until the day I die, and I didn't choose it. I can't hide being Black. Unless one is absolute out in the open about it, it's hard to tell who is gay and who isn't. I've known people who were gay, but I never knew it until someone told me. Being Black, well, all has to do is look.
Kinda the same. Whites accuse Blacks of talking ghetto but then think Blacks who speak clearly are trying to be white. Kinda ironic when a white guy acts "ghetto" (Eminem, iggy) it's widely accepted among whites. Just ignore it you don't need white people's acceptance. And Blacks who say you act white are just ignorant and jealous. F them all.
It shows in our pop culture. You would be right, guys like Eminem and Machine Gun Kelly can act like thugs and get all kinds of admirers.
MGK still has admirers, even after making some very racist comments towards a Black woman.
On the other hand, Carlton Banks, Steve Urkel, characters who were the smart guys, the studious ones, those characters get mocked. They exist for comic entertainment. In any other case, these would be admired men, for not being part of the stereotype. However, in pop culture, they exist to be made fun of. In fact, there have been people who have asked me to "do the Carlton".
I have never seen that (I'm white) in the Midwest. I applaud your effort to be educated and well spoken. I was not exposed to much personal interaction with blacks until college and it was a range of linguistic levels. Blacks from suburban or country seemed to speak proper English and I didn't think a thing of it.
I was extremely impressed with a highly regarded black professor (communications) I had in undergrad who treated all students alike and would call out the black students for not learning proper English (in a positive way). I have observed blacks calling / telling other blacks they sound / are too white but amongst the people I hung out with, I did not see this type of behavior toward blacks. Actually, we'd welcome them more so, since it countered the negative stereotypes often propagated by mass media.
As others have mentioned, I would call this person out for the comment in a non confrontational way as an aside, and if the type of comments continue, cease associating with inconsiderate ignoramuses. From my limited observations it's blacks trying to hold other blacks down.
Interestingly, this made me think of Condoleezza Rice. I recall when she first held political posts and spoke - while she never had a 'ghetto' sound to speech - I seem to recall a slight speech impediment which I believe she must have worked at religiously, because, over time I do not notice it at all. It was that "ess" pronunciation problem that sounds as if someone had a retainer with bands and made a lot of "sss-sss" sounds when speaking.
The reason I bring this up is that most anyone can learn to speak proper English if the desire is there.
The most idiotic thing IMHO is whites who emulate black ghetto speech as if it is 'cool'. Especially when the mass media promotes so called 'celebrities' who do so.
It shows in our pop culture. You would be right, guys like Eminem and Machine Gun Kelly can act like thugs and get all kinds of admirers.
MGK still has admirers, even after making some very racist comments towards a Black woman.
On the other hand, Carlton Banks, Steve Urkel, characters who were the smart guys, the studious ones, those characters get mocked. They exist for comic entertainment. In any other case, these would be admired men, for not being part of the stereotype. However, in pop culture, they exist to be made fun of. In fact, there have been people who have asked me to "do the Carlton".
Well, back in the 60s, the "intellectual" had an acknowledged role in the Revolution, which was good for me. When the kids in high school called me "The Prof," it was not in mocking. That's why undisputed intellectuals such as Angela Davis could still wind up being on the FBI's Ten Most Wanted list.
Black people are often times critcized as being 'ghetto', but if you are black and you speak proper, people make fun of you by calling you an oreo and saying that you want to be white. Most blacks really don't like you and most whites will hang out with you but they will constantly make sarcastic comments about how you are trying to be white.You really can't win. I am not comfortable around either race because of stuff like this.
This is one reason why I dislike 90% of people. People always expect you to fit every black stereotype or they try to say you really aren't "black".
I have a friend who always gives me a hard time about a lot of stupid stuff, like going to too many festivals, dating the wrong people, or because I don't do random hookups (he admits that he has trouble controlling himself and he can't help but sleep around even though he is in a relationship. he is jealous of me). But the thing he gives me the hardest time about is how he claims that I act white.
Over the years (we just started talking again in december 2014 after having a fall out a few years prior where we stopped speaking) he will always make some kind of random and somewhat sarcastic comment about me acting white. I have talked about how it bothers me when people say stuff like that. There are a few mutual friends of ours who are black and speak proper and he always comments on how they act white because they speak proper. Then last week when we were on the phone he said, "I usually can tell if I am talking to a black person on the phone by the way they sound, except if I am talking to you." So basically the last part of that statement was him taking a shot at me by saying I sound white. He has said other stuff like "you sound like a country white boy" or "that white dude is blacker than you and Greg combined" (greg is a mutual black friend of ours). Plus my friend makes racist generalizations about blacks in front of me. The last time he came to visit me, he wanted to go to waffle house but he told me "I won't go in the waffle house by where you live because too many black people go in there and black people are loud and I don't wanna get shot" ( i live in a nice, mostly black area).
He also is in a relationship with a black guy and only dates black guys (even though he is attracted to white guys as well). Most of the black guys he dates act ghetto so he expects every black guy to be like that. He grew up and still lives in a really small town in south alabama, so I try to cut him some slack because I know people in small southern towns tend to be closed-minded.
I am only attracted to whites, but I am becoming really leery of dating them. Most white people I have dated have said racist comments to me and put me down because I supposedly act white. I am tired of everybody associating being black with being ghetto. We are not all the same.
Where are you finding white people who will date you if they're racist at heart?!
But other than that, agreed. People see skin colour and immediately expect ghetto or barrio speaking patterns, "Ebonics" or "Spanglish" (whichever the case may be), uneducated, loud, trashy, everything that goes with dark skin, and then when you open your mouth and proper English comes out, then that's not good either. It's probably (well, not "probably," as in, one of my friends in Boston once told me that this WAS the reason for this) why people of all races feel such a need to tell me to my face what race they think I am on a Goddamned regular basis. When I tell people I'm Native American (or "Indian" if that makes it clearer) they tell me "you're BLACK" as if they're calling me a liar to my face. (That's Boston and New York; it's more subtle other places; they won't tell me that to my face but will continue to do things that indicate that they THINK that I'm a "liar.")
It's worse if you're trying to get a job. If your resume "looks White" in the places you've lived, gone to school, what you've majored in, etc, but then you show up with the wrong colour skin for the interview - we call that "your resume plays 'guess who's coming to the interview.'" It's not just about losing out on job opportunities but also losing friends and just in general, the way people treat you every single waking minute of your entire life.
Anyway, agreed. My father was Eskimo, and "looked it," but I don't look like him (I'm darker), so I agree with the "only attracted to" people who look like my father (I'll admit it, it's NORMAL for a girl to want to be with "someone just like dear ol' Dad.") part - but I'm leery of trying to date them, too! I've come to the conclusion that maybe it will take the ones IN OTHER COUNTRIES (not ALL other countries, I know that) to find someone. Maybe a PhD in Physics and a JOB in that field, too.
I get places where I feel like I'm under some sort of microscope all the damned time with people just waiting to pounce on anything I do or say that would indicate "black" and not Indian. People spending what seems like all their efforts waiting trying to "catch me in a lie," so to speak. Sometimes, people who wouldn't know what a microscope is for, sometimes not (PhD holders from Africa, for example).
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) and I have one aunt who gets so tickled when she hears me talk and even whites in school would tell me I was the whitest black person they ever knew. I like what the hell? I went to a predominantly black school for most of my elementary years (though the neighborhood was racially mixed black and white). Once we moved further south of town, I went to predominantly white schools and I know what it was like to be the token black guy. Black people thought I was too white or stuck up while whites thought I was an oreo and at times laughed if I portrayed any black traits. That said, your situation is what gets me annoyed when people compare homophobia to racism because they are not the same and in the LGBT community racism seems to be pretty prevalent.