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Does anyone think it's odd for a parent to have 3 adult (40 something year old sons and a daughter) residing at their home for an extended period of time? What would you think about such an arrangement? They pay 300 dollars a month, but they also consume all of the food and other resources and do not pay for gas/electric or internet services.
I have personally observed that her adult sons and daughter behave as children in many respects, because they are treated as such, by the parent.
I really want to give advice to my relative in the hopes that she will put her foot down and request changes, but I don't want to offend my adult cousins. What would you do?
It's odd but you still should not say anything. Chances are "mom" may need to feel needed and this is how she keeps them at home. There are people out there that would do whatever it takes to keep their kids at home even if it's a bad situation. If it doesn't impact you or her safety, leave it alone.
I have a cousin in his 30's who still lives at home, doesn't work, plays video games all day, and generally lives off my aunt for food and everything else. If she is ok with this arrangement, who am I to say anything about it?
Some aging parents develop a dependency on their adult children for emotional/social support to the point of pushing away their old friends they once regularly associated with and rarely make time for others that aren't part of the family. I've seen this happen. Not sure why though.
My Aunt is a widow and has made me power of attorney. She informed me that she can't really entrust her children with her finances, because they have no assets and haven't really built or created much of their own. I sense the growing resentment from my cousins. I am thinking that it may be best for them to leave. But again, I don't want to create friction.
You've got a pickle for sure. Be a good niece and a good cousin, enjoy them all for who they are and don;t judge, just be supportive. If they get to using you as a referee just back out of it and tell then it's not fair to put you in that spot.
As for being POA, that is actually probably a good idea since the kids don't sound like they would be able to work things out among themselves and sadly that is mom and dad's fault.
When aunt gets to venting just tell her that you are still family to her kids and not to go there. If she doesn't have her own friends then you could suggest she make some....
I have some colorful cousins and I love my very elderly auntie and uncle. The over 50 year old kids and grandkids live at home off and on and I'm sure take my auntie and uncle for money all the time, but they are their kids and their business. I used to judge the whole lot of them but then once I got off my high horse and started appreciating them as just normal people I could actually have a nice time with no drama:0)
Something's wrong with a mother not wanting her kids to grow up and fly away. Kids should be making their own way in young adulthood. That's how they learn to be independent.
I should add that my relatives call me a lot and I'm often the one who diffuses arguments over the phone. It is difficult to "mind my business," when they constantly contact me to discuss their issues.
I have tried to distance myself, but it's difficult to just avoid and ignore family. Especially since my Aunt and I have grown pretty close. I want to assist, but again, I don't want to offend my adult cousins. I made the mistake of giving some advice to my aunt last week, but we didn't know that her daughter (my cousin) was actively listening. Yesterday, when I called to speak with my Aunt, my cousin mentioned that she didn't appreciate the nature of my previous conversation w/ her mom. The interaction put me in a very awkward position, because I do not wish to fight with my cousin, and I certainly do not wish to be viewed as an instigator.
That is EXACTLY why you should stay out of it. You are getting caught in the middle. It won't end well for you. Blood is thicker than water and yours is watered down being a cousin/niece.
With today's spoiled and lazy children, plus with the high rate of inflation and decent paying jobs getting harder and harder to find, I think you'll see this happening more and more.
I should add that my relatives call me a lot and I'm often the one who diffuses arguments over the phone. It is difficult to "mind my business," when they constantly contact me to discuss their issues.
I have tried to distance myself, but it's difficult to just avoid and ignore family. Especially since my Aunt and I have grown pretty close. I want to assist, but again, I don't want to offend my adult cousins. I made the mistake of giving some advice to my aunt last week, but we didn't know that her daughter (my cousin) was actively listening. Yesterday, when I called to speak with my Aunt, my cousin mentioned that she didn't appreciate the nature of my previous conversation w/ her mom. The interaction put me in a very awkward position, because I do not wish to fight with my cousin, and I certainly do not wish to be viewed as an instigator.
Let me ask you this, since you're so close to your aunt. When the day comes and your aunt needs assistance(because it will come) are you going to step up? Or are the adult kids who live there handle that, I'm guessing them.
I mean are you going to take care of Auntie if she needs help to and from the bathroom or are they? Are you going to move in with her, or her with you if she couldn't be alone?
If the answer is them as it most likely will be as it is their mother, than mind your own business.
If they're in their 40s, your aunt is most likely in her 70s, that is when health issues tend to rise to the surface for many. Maybe your aunt wants them around despite some minor bickering, that's better than some people whose adult children are scattered all over the country.
Some aging parents develop a dependency on their adult children for emotional/social support to the point of pushing away their old friends they once regularly associated with and rarely make time for others that aren't part of the family. I've seen this happen. Not sure why though.
Put on your thinking cap. Why would elderly people rely more on their adult children than friends? Think real hard.
1) Most friendships when people need help whether it be illness, job loss, financial help....there goes the friendship. People are OK with going to the movies, going out to eat, socializing, but once trouble is on the horizon, many so called "friends" are in the wind.
2) Even if that is not the case and you have loyal friends, as people age they slow down and can do less. You can't have the 82 year old trying to help the 84 year old up off the floor, or driving to them to the stores and Dr. appts.
That's where the adult children come in who are usually in their 40s and 50s.
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