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I would have called and asked if she would be available to meet for lunch or supper on a specific weekend because you will be in town. Then she can invite you to stay with her or agree to meet for the meal and go on her way.
I just don't think I would be interested in spending time with someone I had not had a real relationship with for 10 years though, too many changes, too much time has passed.
i looked up an old friend from childhood when I knew i'd be in town visiting. She INSISTED that I stay with her (i was already in a hotel) first in a spare condo that she had and then with her parents in their home (we grew up together). It was really, really uncomfortable, with mixed messages all over the place. She insisted i stay with them, then it felt like they could not wait to get me out of there. It was bizarre. In retrospect, if I had it to do over again, i would have just stayed in the hotel, and visited her, her new husband, and her parents.
Part of the discomfort was that we had grown in different directions. Part of was that I knew her in her "old life" (she was on husband number 4 i believe) and she seemed constantly on edge that I would reveal something about this to her new husband. I will never do that again, stay with someone when they insist. When I did leave (we're only talking 2-3 days at each place, less than a week total) she was so obviously relieved, that I asked her about it point blank and she admitted they all thought i would never leave, that i was planning to move in and be a freeloader. Like I said it was bizarre.
i am also big on clear direct communication. people need to know how to say "yes let's get together for coffee or a meal" and "i'm not able to put up guests at this time, sorry about that" or even "I thought we could host you, but I spoke out of turn, we can recommend a good motel nearby" or "it looks like i won't be able to see you this visit, my schedule is really busy, maybe next time!"
I'm with you. I really enjoying staying in a hotel. It's like a break. Staying with someone is awkward and feels like a job.
I'd say with the first text she discussed it with her husband and were trying to figure out when would work best for them. She may not be a text addict. There are times it takes me a few days to get back to someone. You could always pick up the phone and dial it instead of texting on it.
I think you should visit but decline staying with them and check into a hotel. You will be able to tell from one dinner if the friendship is still there, and if it is not, then you can still have a good time on your own or just go home since it is only a little over 3 hour drive. Sometimes people are really bad about returning texts in a timely manner.
This is hard, because I have had friendships that I thought were deep and meaningful, will be "forever", etc, only to find out in different ways, those individuals have moved on in life over time. They no longer think the same about the relationship as I do or as it was. It was hard for me to understand how something so strong could have just faded away. But life moved on, things changed, things did change and I had to come to grips with that. But, texts are hard to tell. Not a good way to communicate 'serious" stuff . . . .
Anyway, I texted Beth about a week ago say, "Hey Beth! Looking to come down to Virginia sometime this winter to visit you and Zach. Would any weekend be best?"
A weekend? I think saying, "How about if we get together for dinner" would have been better. I personally think asking for a weekend is too much.
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin
Ever hear of just getting back to someone and saying "I need to run this by my husband" or " I will let you know", some type of response? It's called manners. No one likes to be left in the lurch.
The OP made the mistake of texting, when was the last time they actually even talked on the phone? Doesn't mention if he even knows the husband?
I agree with your manners part.
I like the texting part. With a phone call I have to respond immediately, no time to think about it, decide if it is a good idea. Texting gave Beth time to think about it.
Maybe the husband isn't real thrilled about a gay guy hanging around his house for a weekend?
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin
hey don't really sound very close, lost contact, did the OP go to their wedding, does he even know the husband?
That's not a problem. Beth and I were living together when she started dating her husband, Zach. After a couple months, Zach and my boyfriend-at-the-time, Ben, were staying over every night of the week, and the four of us became really close. Yes, Ben and I went to their wedding.
A bigger issue might be that I'm single. Ben and I were together for 7 years (or 8.5 depending on how you define together), and this will be their first time seeing me since we separated.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GiGi603
A weekend? I think saying, "How about if we get together for dinner" would have been better. I personally think asking for a weekend is too much.
I'd like to hear what others have to say about this.
If I were in town for business or if I were passing through en route to somewhere else, yes, I would have asked them out to dinner. But given that they live 3.5 hours away (and I'd have to rent a car), inviting them out for dinner may sound inauthentic.
Like, I'll probably visit a friend in DC (only 45 min. away) and an acquaintance (best friend from high school's brother) in Richmond the same weekend, but they're clearly not the purpose of trip.
Last edited by Dawn.Davenport; 12-14-2015 at 12:20 PM..
I still think that this might be a misunderstanding of semantics. You said in your first post that you texted your friend something like "I'm coming to visit you--when would be good?" which comes across as needing more involvement on her part than if you'd said, "I'm going to be in your area in February--would you be available for coffee/dinner? I'd love to see you!"
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