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There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. You can be alone and not feel lonely. You can be in a crowd and feel lonely.
Oh, that is much worse!
Not only Thanksgiving but I also experienced that at the company I work for annual holiday party last Saturday night. I went with an agreement I had with 3 co-workers who did not come through for me. I was amazed at the amount of people I did not know. I made an effort but not one person introduced me to anyone. Almost everyone there was coupled up, had their own circle, or both. The "music" was annoying as well.
I figured if I was going to be alone it will be at home in front of my computer. I stayed 90 minutes and left without eating dinner. I was much happier when I got home and fixed my own food.
I have been alone almost every holiday for the past 16 years. My husband died in 1999 and I have no family. I do have some good friends and they are all off doing whatever it is they do for Christmas. In general I prefer to be alone most of the time. Introverted people just don't need much social time.
I usually volunteer to work but this year Christmas falls on my normal day off so I am off. This year we are having really mild weather in Pittsburgh, so I expect to spend some time today outdoors riding my horse. Right now I am relaxing in my PJ's drinking coffee , surfing the net while watching The Black Stallion on TV. Later this evening I'll relax with a good book or movie. Maybe soak in the Jacuzzi after I make myself a nice dinner. Last night I took myself out to the theater to see the new Star Wars film.
I can't think of a better way to spend the holiday.
I have spent many Christmases in the past alone, not a problem for me, but I do hate friends who say" you must come and stay with us, you cannot be alone at Christmas!", why not? just leave me alone, some of us like being on our own.
I agree with Maniac, Otterhere, and Katie. Technically I am not alone since I am married, but my husband is the extent of my family. Some friends who are with their families.
Christmas has always been difficult for me since I don't even have the fun trappings that other nonreligious people do. Brought up as ethnically Jewish, having a Christmas tree (even if it's renamed Hannukah bush) isn't even on my radar. So I've always been on the outside, looking in and trying to catch the Christmas spirit, but never doing a good job of it. Would go through some motions, like watching It's A Wonderful Life for the 20th time or attending a holiday party. It was never satisfying and sometimes almost painful. I was making the effort, but not being rewarded with a Norma Rockwell Christmas.
Thanks to yoga, meditation, introspection, Buddhist readings, etc. (and even some people on this forum!), I have more or less achieved equanimity. What a sense of peace. This year, instead of mourning what I don't have (organized religion, family, Christmas cheer), it's about the contentment I do have, regardless of the time of year. It's about gratitude for what I do have (health, freedom, some friends, interesting things to do and think about). I don't need the manic highs of the Christmas season---I just need serenity and contentment all year round.
When I tried to have a little more of what was expected for the holiday season, it just zapped my time and energy without giving me much in return (like going to a neighbor's party and being with her family----duller than watching paint dry---they weren't my family and didn't have much to offer---I realized I didn't need to borrow a family). Some of my exercise instructors talk about "fake it until you make it," but that just wasn't working for celebrating the holidays.
I just can't do a very good job of celebrating Christmas. I can accept that. But I can do a fantastic job of living my life and enjoying myself jazzcat-style, even on December 25th. Yesterday on Christmas Eve, instead of attempting to approximate a traditional Christmas Eve dinner and watching something Christmasy, we made an Indian dinner and watched a Korean caper movie (we are neither Indian or Korean, but it worked for us). Everyone here has similar ways or living and being that can work for them. Embrace what's good in your life and don't worry about fitting into a mold.
Yes, I can relate to this. Loneliness isn't really an emotion I'm familiar with unless I'm in a crowd. When I'm by myself, I feel free and comfortable. The only time I feel lonely and uncomfortable is when I'm surrounded by others. I do have the option of going somewhere for Christmas, but it's so draining for me to have that forced interaction. I used to be a pro at faking like you, but I've given up trying to play the game. I have nothing in common with the people I'd be eating with (my dad and his massive step-family). They're all successful, wealthy, and like to drink alcohol while I'm a loser, poor, and despise alcohol. I'm pretty sure me not being there makes it easier on all of them. It certainly makes it easier on me. So I will be spending the day in my sweatpants doing laundry, watching movies and sports, and making sweet love to a bucket of buffalo wings.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL THE ALONE PEOPLE OUT THERE! Whether it's by choice or not, whether you're just far from family and friends or have no family and friends, whether you're happy and content or down and out, please just remember that it's not who surrounds us on this day, but it's what's inside us everyday that matters.
HA ME TOO: loser, now poor (for the first time in my life. And it bites) and a big ol square who never even TRIED alcohol. Ever.
Well, I got through it... How about you? Two of my five local family members came through with a visit and gifts (unexpectedly), and two of my several dozen long-distance relatives called, and I'm sorry to say that those pathetic crumbs of human kindness saved the day for me. Hope yours wasn't too brutal or was even blissful in a "solitary loser" kind of way! Now on to New Year's Eve... :P
This was my first Christmas without my family. It was very sad and painful, and I cried...a lot. We had dinner with my husband's family, so we were not technically alone,but the waves of sorrow came anyway.
Christmas has always been a big deal for my family. Many times I was very stressed, trying to make everything perfect for everyone. As much as I hurt this year, I have to admit it was the least stressful Christmas I've ever had. I didn't have to worry about presents, entertaining, or cooking a big meal.
Memories of Christmas past and being with my family over the years are what hurt. I miss those days, and it is hard to grow old and watch your kids move on far away, starting their own traditions without you. I am new at being without my kids around me, and it is a big, no huge, adjustment. I just miss them so much, and it is so very hard growing old and no longer feeling needed when that's all you've known for much of a lifetime.
Being alone Christmas is not a bad thing on Christmas
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