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It depends. If the rest of the family is buttheads, the black sheep is really the only smart one.
Say I am the only one of a certain political persuasion among a whole cohort of cousins in one section of the country. Does that make me the black sheep? I don't know and I don't care.
Oddly, I was the black sheep who got along with everyone in my family. Then things went to hell when grandma died and I moved across the country. I am currently the only family member who is 1) a liberal, 2) a professed atheist and 3) not a resident of our home state.
I like being the black sheep - pretty much whatever I do, they shrug and say "that's just Jrz being Jrz."
They know I love them and that I'd do everything I could to help them. But I don't share their politics, religion or life goals. I've always been the odd duck. These days, I think my cousins' kids see me as a family legend - the cousin who went to Colorado. When I show up on a visit, it's like Sasquatch coming to dinner.
I can live my life exactly as I choose because I'm not trying to "live up" to something. When they offer suggestions I nod and say "Ok, I'll think about that" and go back to living my life.
This. DH and two of his siblings have been the black sheep of his family due to becoming agnostic and turning their backs on the religion in which they were raised (Seventh Day Adventist). We are the ones who congregate together, because we feel more comfortable with each other, We can relax, be ourselves, not have to tread on eggshells, feel like we are being "judged", or worry about offending anyone (or get dragged to church, Bible study, prayer meetings, etc.)
I really try not to bitter about it. Life's too short. Latest family drama is my mother becoming more emotionally dependent on us adult children for social support and only a few family members while pushing her life-long friends away. This became more apparent when my niece was born. She has turned down invitations by friends. She's perfectly healthy so not sure the reasoning behind it. I think she may have some narcissistic traits. My SIL had told me she had got upset in tears about wanting her quality time with the grandchild. My mother sees/babysits the child 1-2x a week. It's like she is living only for her husband, my dad, and family. The friends she has are low priority
My ex-husband, has Alzheimer's, he started getting signs of dementia, in his 50's. He would just forget that he was supposed to meet his kids and be late, really late on other occasions. (We had been divorced, many years, so just heard how hurt our children were that he did not show up.)
I think your Mom may have some early signs, there. Just beware, have her tested and don't be hurt when she does oddball stuff. So sad.
I was the responsible one being raised by dysfunctional alcoholics while my brother followed in my parents foot steps. He was the treasured one and I was the outsider for being different. Does that make me the black sheep? Or does that make the three of them black sheep?
I was the black sheep. Not that I was a bad kid, I just did not do well in school and did not fit the mold set by my parents. My siblings all did well in school.
The advantage when I was young was the expectations were set low for me. I ended up being quite successful finding my own way to do things. And I truly believe that is the secret that worked for me.
The biggest advantage, I believe, is it taught me to be better parent. I realized kids need to make mistakes and find solutions on their own and parents should really act as cushions or guidance counselors but the solutions need to be derived from the kids. And, this is key, the earlier the kids make mistakes, the better. My parents gave up on me early. That really worked for me. Another thing being the black sheep taught me is people are different, I saw my siblings were much different than me. Their motivations were different.
So, yes, being a black sheep, for me was an advantage because I was allowed to make my own mistakes and grow. It wasn't intentional on my parents part but they gave me the best gift of all.
I was the black sheep. Not that I was a bad kid, I just did not do well in school and did not fit the mold set by my parents. My siblings all did well in school.
The advantage when I was young was the expectations were set low for me. I ended up being quite successful finding my own way to do things. And I truly believe that is the secret that worked for me.
The biggest advantage, I believe, is it taught me to be better parent. I realized kids need to make mistakes and find solutions on their own and parents should really act as cushions or guidance counselors but the solutions need to be derived from the kids. And, this is key, the earlier the kids make mistakes, the better. My parents gave up on me early. That really worked for me. Another thing being the black sheep taught me is people are different, I saw my siblings were much different than me. Their motivations were different.
So, yes, being a black sheep, for me was an advantage because I was allowed to make my own mistakes and grow. It wasn't intentional on my parents part but they gave me the best gift of all.
Hm. I had a similar experience in a weird way, though I was the only one in my family who excelled academically. My parents nurtured that strength by investing in my education, but they didn't rein me in when it became clear that I was growing into a totally different person than them.
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