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so basically, i went trough a hard time in my life. i am nice to people and would help if anyone asked, but my family had non of that in my hard times. i was mentally ill, no one cared or talked to me about it, i was just there by my self. as a matter a fact, some of my family like my brother even was mean to me during my time. my sister was not around for some time, when she came back to the family my brother started turning against me. but my sister did not tell him to do that, so after a while i cut contact. one of them tried to say i think someone owes me something, but my friend says his family thinks nothing like that. his family helps, so what does that say about mine?
i would have done anything for these people, but how can a person just sit there and live their lives like non of that matters. i just don't get it
so basically, i went trough a hard time in my life. i am nice to people and would help if anyone asked, but my family had non of that in my hard times. i was mentally ill, no one cared or talked to me about it, i was just there by my self. as a matter a fact, some of my family like my brother even was mean to me during my time. my sister was not around for some time, when she came back to the family my brother started turning against me. but my sister did not tell him to do that, so after a while i cut contact. one of them tried to say i think someone owes me something, but my friend says his family thinks nothing like that. his family helps, so what does that say about mine?
i would have done anything for these people, but how can a person just sit there and live their lives like non of that matters. i just don't get it
This isn't like a cold or flu episode. This is mental illness.
They may not know what to do or how to react. I don't know how you got over it.
It's hard to say since we're only getting one side of the story. What you perceive as them being "mean" could just be, from their perspective, a refusal to enable negative behavior.
I've been there. Always the helper, always the one to listen, always the one to provide resources, money, even shelter. And the one time I asked for some help, certain individuals let it be known that they are nothing but jealous and were just waiting for a tough time in my life to lord it over me. I no longer speak to those people, and if they were to drop dead tomorrow, I wouldn't bat an eyelash.
My brother suffered from mental illness for about twenty years before he finally got the treatment he desperately needed - after he was involuntarily institutionalized and his entire life had imploded.
His mental illness didn't manifest till he was in his twenties (paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar disorder) but after it began to creep up on him, he refused our advice, our concerns, our efforts to help him. He began abusing substances and mistreating everyone in his life. He was uncontrollable and dangerous at times. There was never a boundary erected that he didn't try to bowl over. He was intrusive, abusive, and irresponsible, though he could also be charming and lovable at times.
Long story short, though we loved him, we couldn't get him to consent to any sort of treatment and his behavior was destructive not only to himself, but to everyone around him. Out of necessity, we had to distance ourselves from him to protect ourselves from him.
During this time, his paranoia was in full swing and he began to hate me with a passion, and became convinced that I was "out to get him, " and "trying to steal his inheritance," and all sorts of other things. He became so angry toward me that I had to call the police on him twice because of his dangerous and threatening behavior (barging into my house, where my kids were, waving a handgun around in the air, trying to run me off the road, etc.) I was one step away from getting a restraining order on him, and I probably should have done that in retrospect.
Anyway, he eventually lost everything he had, and it was only when his wife left him and he got arrested for violent behavior and destruction of property that we were able to get him involuntarily committed. He FINALLY got on the meds and got the treatment that he needed, and now he is doing fairly well, though he will always be mentally ill and will probably always be on disability. But he knows that good treatment saved his life and he is honestly a model "patient" now. In fact, he leads a lot of group sessions and does some mentoring within the program he's a part of.
But my point is, that even after the successful treatment began, and he began to respond well, he had to work through the paranoias that he had in his mind, the damage that was done to our relationships not by US, but by the effects of his paranoia and mental illness. Whether we "had it in for him" or not, that's how he felt for twenty years, and the effects of those fears and that anger and frustration were very real even if the actual issue wasn't real. It has taken him about three years of intensive counseling and therapy to work through all that, and he's still working through some things.
I opted to go to a long class (thirteen weeks, three hours a week) for family members of the seriously mentally ill, to learn what I could expect and what I couldn't expect from him and from various treatments. It was very helpful.
One thing he always says is this: "Mental illness isn't my fault, but it's my responsibility." In other words, it's like any number of other serious health issues - a person may not have caused the health issue, but it's still their responsibility to treat it and to live with it in a responsible, mature manner.
My brother suffered from mental illness for about twenty years before he finally got the treatment he desperately needed - after he was involuntarily institutionalized and his entire life had imploded.
His mental illness didn't manifest till he was in his twenties (paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar disorder) but after it began to creep up on him, he refused our advice, our concerns, our efforts to help him. He began abusing substances and mistreating everyone in his life. He was uncontrollable and dangerous at times. There was never a boundary erected that he didn't try to bowl over. He was intrusive, abusive, and irresponsible, though he could also be charming and lovable at times.
Long story short, though we loved him, we couldn't get him to consent to any sort of treatment and his behavior was destructive not only to himself, but to everyone around him. Out of necessity, we had to distance ourselves from him to protect ourselves from him.
During this time, his paranoia was in full swing and he began to hate me with a passion, and became convinced that I was "out to get him, " and "trying to steal his inheritance," and all sorts of other things. He became so angry toward me that I had to call the police on him twice because of his dangerous and threatening behavior (barging into my house, where my kids were, waving a handgun around in the air, trying to run me off the road, etc.) I was one step away from getting a restraining order on him, and I probably should have done that in retrospect.
Anyway, he eventually lost everything he had, and it was only when his wife left him and he got arrested for violent behavior and destruction of property that we were able to get him involuntarily committed. He FINALLY got on the meds and got the treatment that he needed, and now he is doing fairly well, though he will always be mentally ill and will probably always be on disability. But he knows that good treatment saved his life and he is honestly a model "patient" now. In fact, he leads a lot of group sessions and does some mentoring within the program he's a part of.
But my point is, that even after the successful treatment began, and he began to respond well, he had to work through the paranoias that he had in his mind, the damage that was done to our relationships not by US, but by the effects of his paranoia and mental illness. Whether we "had it in for him" or not, that's how he felt for twenty years, and the effects of those fears and that anger and frustration were very real even if the actual issue wasn't real. It has taken him about three years of intensive counseling and therapy to work through all that, and he's still working through some things.
I opted to go to a long class (thirteen weeks, three hours a week) for family members of the seriously mentally ill, to learn what I could expect and what I couldn't expect from him and from various treatments. It was very helpful.
One thing he always says is this: "Mental illness isn't my fault, but it's my responsibility." In other words, it's like any number of other serious health issues - a person may not have caused the health issue, but it's still their responsibility to treat it and to live with it in a responsible, mature manner.
Wow! glad your brother got the help he needed. Mental illness is indeed scary and dangerous when it goes untreated.
are you saying its ok to be mean to people during their hard times? how come i know to at least be sensitive.
You don't give the specifics, so it's hard to make a judgment here. However, it is perfectly fine for family members to set their boundaries if they feel you are encroaching on those boundaries.
Maybe you can give some specific examples of how they were mean.
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