Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
A friend's mothers funeral, memorial and reception are tomorrow. I haven't seen my friend for almost a year and the parents for years. But I was invited. Anyway, I thought I would go to the memorial and not the reception. I think that is a show of acknowlegement. Now with the snow and being snowed in, my car and road, had to take a cab to work etc. Met the cab blocks away. I have let my friend know I would not be attending. He said he understood and sent out an email to all about the snow being bad and please don't come if it is bad for traveling.
I am now at work and will most likely have to stay longer as many people still now getting it, work in a hospital. I just got a phone message from this friend saying his sister purposely walked past my street and apt complex to check out how bad it is. I don't want to over react but that kinda pissed me off that she would do that. She had offered to drive me but I never accepted a ride from her.
IDK... the oddest thing about the situation was this...
Quote:
Originally Posted by brava4
A friend's mothers funeral, memorial and reception are tomorrow. I haven't seen my friend for almost a year and the parents for years. But I was invited.
I am in my 60s and have attended WAY too many funerals over the decades to suit me.
But I never ever got an invitation to one!
They must really want you attending, since you got an invitation and a ride there!
That's weird, in my opinion. It's also odd that the friend felt the need to tell you that his sister did this! I know people do strange things in time of grief, but it seems that their time could have been better spent than checking out why you couldn't attend a funeral.
Weird that she would do that, weird that he would tell you about it, especially since you haven't seen him in a year.
Since he went out of his way to message you, I would message him right back and just explain, matter-of-factly, the situation, and that you regret if they believe that your non-attendance at the funeral is a reflection of your level of feelings for him or his mother, but that it isn't.
After that, I would not worry anymore about this "friend."
Yes, well I explained my situation and I by no means am I trying or being disrespectful of him or mother. I felt all this need to grovel and apologize when I'm not even sure what I did?
The invite was purely verbal not written, actually email announcement to a group.
My mother died in February of a very cold icy winter. It was her wish to be cremated and we took care of those arrangements. Since most of her friends and family were elderly, we were reluctant to have someone risk a fall so my brother and I decided to postpone any services until late March and announced this in her obituary. When we had arranged for the memorial service, we sent invitations to those we wanted to be sure to attend, and put an announcement in the newspaper, in the death notice section, to reach those who knew her but whom we didn't know.
We held the service in a private banquet room of a well-known restaurant and spent several hours sharing remembrances over a lovely dinner. Upwards of 60 people attended and many of them had written beautiful statements of times they had shared with her, they might not have been able to do had we had the typical two days of wake/funeral.
I certainly would not have thought of questioning the veracity of anyone who said they would be unable to attend and view that as really tacky. Odd, and really tacky.
I have never heard of anyone being invited to a funeral or a memorial service. Invitation to a reception, especially if a sit down dinner, possibly as that may be limited to what costs the family wishes to incur.
Walking past your home is just weird. I suspect these people have not a clue what funeral protocols are.
OP - you have given your regrets once. Don't let these people get to you and make you apologize for things beyond your control. They are too strange. Who the heck has time to walk around someone's neighborhood to see the amount of snow when their mother just died. She has nothing else to do ?
I would just mentally move beyond whatever is going on with this " friend" & sister.
My mother died in February of a very cold icy winter. It was her wish to be cremated and we took care of those arrangements. Since most of her friends and family were elderly, we were reluctant to have someone risk a fall so my brother and I decided to postpone any services until late March and announced this in her obituary. When we had arranged for the memorial service, we sent invitations to those we wanted to be sure to attend, and put an announcement in the newspaper, in the death notice section, to reach those who knew her but whom we didn't know.
We held the service in a private banquet room of a well-known restaurant and spent several hours sharing remembrances over a lovely dinner. Upwards of 60 people attended and many of them had written beautiful statements of times they had shared with her, they might not have been able to do had we had the typical two days of wake/funeral.
I certainly would not have thought of questioning the veracity of anyone who said they would be unable to attend and view that as really tacky. Odd, and really tacky.
Thank you for your reply. Very sorry about your Mother. I understand how difficult these arrangements can be and to make sure everyone knows what is happening. In the midst of mourning.
My friend and family are having a memorial of Mother's interment at National Cemetary in July. So, much more reasonable and I told him I would be there. He literally has elderly friends coming from Annapolis which is almost 50 miles away. This was why he said he was sending out a group email about the weather/snow and not attending.
I think there are a couple of ways to look at it. One being that the sister was just out surveying the damage from the storm and comparing notes.
Another was that the time and distance between you was irrelevant and you are truly missed, and they were greatly disappointed that they wouldn't be seeing you.
Another way to think about is that they thought the worst of you and you were fibbing about still having a difficult time getting around.
Maybe the sister is some deranged stalker who wants to be in your life. (Okay that's supposed to be for a laugh.)
That's about all I can think of right now, but is it really worth giving it a second thought?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
