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I've known men who want to date women who are very different in appearance, culture, and religious background from their mothers, probably because their childhoods were difficult and their mothers had issues. I am married to such a man. He loved his difficult mother but didn't want to marry anyone who reminded him of her. I'm not sure there's any point in berating the OP over this. It's hard to change preferences that were established early in life.
.......why I have not had a relationship. Sigh, I knew this day would come. It just happened today, I get her calling about my gift to her for V-day and she asks do you have a girlfriend? I just say no. She asks why not? I have to resist the urge to rage out and just say "I've had dates not work out, blah blah." The truth is I have not had a date in 3 years. Some by my own choice, most because I have not had anyone I'm interested in actually reciprocate that interest. I figure I'm was on borrowed time about this issue and it was long due to.
Now as any self-respecting parent with a [mod cut] male child who has not bought a girl home this late into life, she is going to start to wonder is my son gay, etc. I don't know what to do. How can I explain to her that I just suck at dating in a way that she would understand and stop worrying about it? How can I get her to understand that I'm not going to date someone just to say I have someone?
I wish I had advice for you, but I don't as my family thought the same thing about me when I was in my 20s and was actually dating, just not bringing anyone home. I didn't know it was a topic of conversation until after I was married.
Fast forward many years post divorce, and I'm still am like that to this day. Now they think I'm gay, or out sleeping about; or messed up because my ex was so horrible to me that I'm permanently scarred.
I have brought people over just to "prove" I'm not gay but they were losers brought in to shut them up. The fact of the matter is, when there's something to tell them, I will. Being a female, it's just as hard coupling this with the fact that I don't want children, never have and never will, when all the other females in my family are man dependent. Every single phone call with every single sibling starts with "So are you seeing anyone?". I can't even get respite with friends who are now asking, "Don't you have neeeeeds?".
Which does nothing but make me clam up even more and want to see them less.
Whatever you do, don't focus on how long it's been since you've had a date. That type of mindset will be reflected in your carrying on and it will eat at you. I'm sure you've got great friends and a good career. You're young and I simply would not worry about it. I wouldn't be so stupid as to say "one day..." garbage to cheer you up because it's just that. Garbage.
Haha....you know she wouldn't be happy with your "preference" of women!
My son seems to have a preference for white girls. He goes to a mainly black school, there are 8 black girls in his class and only two white girls. It is the two white girls that he likes in the class full of black kids lol. I'm okay with it right now-don't know how I will feel as he gets older. His nanny is a white woman married to a black man with two biracial daughters-who's watched him since he was 18 months. So it would be strange for me to have a problem with it. From what I know about the op, his mom is married to a man of another race, not sure why she would be bothered by it either, if that is the case.
Don't want to get the thread locked for race reasons, but just wanted to say that the stereotype that moms of op's race always have an issue with this, is hyped up.
Oan, my grandma did it to my sister yesterday. My sister is 27, a high powered attorney in Manhattan , and has never had a boyfriend to our knowledge. Whereas I've had boyfriends and have a kid-my grandma is concerned but not super concerned. For my sister? She is very concerned. Anyway she has a friend who just moved to NYC that has been trying to meet up with my sister for lunch. My grandma told my sister yesterday, "my friend has a brother that has a son that lived out there too. She's going to hook you two up. He works on Wall Street so he has a good job too. I told her you weren't dating anyone and to go ahead and set you and this guy up!"
My sister just laughed. My grandma has been asking my sister for the last two years if she's dating and my sister always says no she's busy with work. The truth is that I FaceTime my sister daily and she isn't that busy lol but clearly has her own reasons for not dating and it was incredibly intrusive for my grandma to take it upon herself to set something up with a man when my sister clearly did not ask her for help. The thing is my sister needs to speak up for herself and make that known. None of us know the real reasons she is not dating-and she doesn't have to tell us why. It's not any of my grandmas business either. Sadly if my sister doesn't assert herself and tell her this, it will continue to be an issue.
I've went off on my grandma before about other things when she tried prying into my life, because it's none of her business. The op needs to take the same attitude if he feels like his mother is prying or if he does not want her in his business.
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