It's difficult to meet people with common interests (siblings, female, male)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Anyone else have this problem? If so, what do you do about it other than to keep trying to meet new people and hope that eventually somebody else will have a plethora of similar interests with you?
Let me explain my position more in depth. I have met plenty of people in my life and plenty that I've had one or maybe two things in common with. However, it's been impossible for me to meet anyone that I would say I'm highly compatible with. For instance, a best friend, a soul mate or a perfect match, either platonically or romantically. I just perpetually discover that people have very little in common with me, especially pertaining to core beliefs.
I'll meet someone and I'll find out that we have the same view on a particular subject so I'll get my hopes up. As I pick their brain more I just get let down like every other time, finding that we have basically nothing else in common or even worse, opposing viewpoints leading to discord. It's very disheartening to think that there are 7 billion people on this planet and I can't even find one that I'm more than about 2% compatible with overall.
I suppose this was both a rant and plead for help trying to find a solution. I already know that someone will suggest that I go to groups/events/meetups for the things I enjoy and believe in. I've been trying that for years to no avail. I come to find that other than the initial interest that drew us both there, I have nothing further substantially in common with the people. I've also tried social media with no luck. Reaching out to people I know asking if they know anyone that's XYZ. It never leads anywhere.
My best friend and I are on opposite sides of the political spectrum.
My siblings who I consider close friends, are extremely religious, I am not
I belong to a hiking group (hence, "common interest") and there is a difference in lifestyles, religious beliefs, etc.
Other very good friends are happily married for four hundred years, I'm happily divorced from a (former) close friend of theirs.
My point is:you can have friendship with people who have different opinions and lifestyle. Having common interests is a great way for an initial meeting, but you have to take it and develop it from there.
There are people who I wouldn't be friends with even if we had hundreds of common points - e.g., racists, people who are rude, etc
Social media has killed trying to make friends in this day and age . I wish we could go back to the old way of making friends etc . But we cant so we just stay on our fb pages and our gps and our other means of communicating sad but true .
Anyone else have this problem? If so, what do you do about it other than to keep trying to meet new people and hope that eventually somebody else will have a plethora of similar interests with you?
Let me explain my position more in depth. I have met plenty of people in my life and plenty that I've had one or maybe two things in common with. However, it's been impossible for me to meet anyone that I would say I'm highly compatible with. For instance, a best friend, a soul mate or a perfect match, either platonically or romantically. I just perpetually discover that people have very little in common with me, especially pertaining to core beliefs.
I'll meet someone and I'll find out that we have the same view on a particular subject so I'll get my hopes up. As I pick their brain more I just get let down like every other time, finding that we have basically nothing else in common or even worse, opposing viewpoints leading to discord. It's very disheartening to think that there are 7 billion people on this planet and I can't even find one that I'm more than about 2% compatible with overall.
I suppose this was both a rant and plead for help trying to find a solution. I already know that someone will suggest that I go to groups/events/meetups for the things I enjoy and believe in. I've been trying that for years to no avail. I come to find that other than the initial interest that drew us both there, I have nothing further substantially in common with the people. I've also tried social media with no luck. Reaching out to people I know asking if they know anyone that's XYZ. It never leads anywhere.
My best friend and I are on opposite sides of the political spectrum.
My siblings who I consider close friends, are extremely religious, I am not
I belong to a hiking group (hence, "common interest") and there is a difference in lifestyles, religious beliefs, etc.
Other very good friends are happily married for four hundred years, I'm happily divorced from a (former) close friend of theirs.
My point is:you can have friendship with people who have different opinions and lifestyle. Having common interests is a great way for an initial meeting, but you have to take it and develop it from there.
There are people who I wouldn't be friends with even if we had hundreds of common points - e.g., racists, people who are rude, etc
Yeah, I think you might be expecting too much and throwing the baby out with the bathwater when you meet these people. It's fairly rare to meet someone that you share many or all interests with. Like Shira, I've got friends I can go for a hike with, but they're not necessarily the same friends I'd go to foreign films with. Or there are friends from my cooking class, but I might not share political views with them. A lot of adults don't have a "best friend" and there's really nothing wrong with having a wide and varied social circle.
Yeah, I think you might be expecting too much and throwing the baby out with the bathwater when you meet these people. It's fairly rare to meet someone that you share many or all interests with. Like Shira, I've got friends I can go for a hike with, but they're not necessarily the same friends I'd go to foreign films with. Or there are friends from my cooking class, but I might not share political views with them. A lot of adults don't have a "best friend" and there's really nothing wrong with having a wide and varied social circle.
So you like to have many superficial, temporal, petty relationships with people then. That's fine by me but that's not what I prefer or what I'm looking for. I'm pursuing deeper connections, true friendships, understanding. I could go for a hike with any of the 7 billion-ish people on the planet no problem but that's not a real friend.
If I were to pose an analogy about our viewpoints, you're the type of person that likes going to a bar/club and hooking up with dozens of people. I'm the type of person who would rather just settle down with one quality, compatible person, be dedicated and grow together through our similarities and life experiences. I prefer quality over quantity any day. I'd rather have only 5 friends with which I have many things in common, say >25% compatibility, than 500 friends with which I'm only 2% compatible.
I'm not defecting blame off of myself in my search and analysis of others either. I understand that I have rare beliefs/viewpoints/interests compared to the common person but there are 7 billion of us. At some point law of averages has to give in my favor, right? It'd be nice to meet someone who isn't an auxiliary, with whom I could partake in several shared interests/activities and discuss topics that we both find interesting and exciting without that fake feeling that accompanies people who aren't sincere.
Hmm, I'll look into this more. Thanks for the advice. I am a member of certain forums about topics that interest me but it seems that people are more interested in just discussing said topic or debating. The closest thing I've been able to come across is I've found some people that I have a lot in common with on YouTube but logistically a friendship other than online would be a nightmare. For example, they live in foreign countries often times on the other side of the planet or on different continents. I'm not super wealthy or anything, so I can't just pack up and hop in my jet to hang out with them, lol. That's awesome though that you found your fiance the way you did. I enjoy hearing stories of success and happy endings like that. There's a glimmer of hope for those of us who have yet to experience that joy.
So you like to have many superficial, temporal, petty relationships with people then. That's fine by me but that's not what I prefer or what I'm looking for. I'm pursuing deeper connections, true friendships, understanding. I could go for a hike with any of the 7 billion-ish people on the planet no problem but that's not a real friend.
If I were to pose an analogy about our viewpoints, you're the type of person that likes going to a bar/club and hooking up with dozens of people. I'm the type of person who would rather just settle down with one quality, compatible person, be dedicated and grow together through our similarities and life experiences. I prefer quality over quantity any day. I'd rather have only 5 friends with which I have many things in common, say >25% compatibility, than 500 friends with which I'm only 2% compatible.
I'm not defecting blame off of myself in my search and analysis of others either. I understand that I have rare beliefs/viewpoints/interests compared to the common person but there are 7 billion of us. At some point law of averages has to give in my favor, right? It'd be nice to meet someone who isn't an auxiliary, with whom I could partake in several shared interests/activities and discuss topics that we both find interesting and exciting without that fake feeling that accompanies people who aren't sincere.
I think you'll find a real friend after maybe half a dozen topical friendships. They're rare, yes.
Not clicking if OP is male or female. I ask because they say...yep, anecdotal I admit...that men tend to find friends around interests, women around community. Since s/he is tossing around probabilities to intangibles, quantifying the unquantifiable, I assume I'm writing back to a fellow M-B ISTx
In my observation, the common-interests thing is mostly true. My few single female friends are into building relationships with partners and family, being involved with other single moms in community activities, and similar. So, they have joined parenting Meetups and similar. Seems to be working well, the two examples I know of. They both just want a long-term partner around for stability in their respective lives, and who can blame them.
To that end, married women seem to focus on their partner, their kids, and other couples events. Again, seems fulfilling for them at least in terms of forming social groups. If the relationships themselves are fulfilling, well, that's another story for 1,001 other threads!
I have few, if-any, single guy friends anymore who are not fervently trying to become UN-single again. That's just their nature, they're self-aware enough to know that having a partner is the key to their personal happiness. While I personally find it a vapid, self-immolating way to go through life, it's a free country and I respect a man's desire to find that which fulfills his sense of higher purpose. They all have kids, too, gi-normous time and resource-sink(s). Again, not my scene, and the last woman I was with figured me out and split a month or two ago (I'm far happier single, across the past three decades). I won't be paying to raise another man's children, though yet again to the original point that is possibly a way to meet good friends (other step-dads).
Last and not least, I associate with fellow senior managers with demanding careers: that will certainly occupy tons of time, like it or not, yet again another subject! I've made very few friends directly via work, since they're mostly rivals at-best or enemies at-worst competing for similar resource pools.
To OP's original point, then, I personally find friends around common interests outside of work. Motorcycles, weapons, high performance cars are three topics of interest to me. When I attend events or meets, there is no trouble finding others to talk with. Conversations start themselves. Sometimes that naturally leads to friendships, occasionally lasting friendships. I'm an introvert but skilled at masquerading as an extrovert, so it's quite easy actually.
Food for thought: Meetups, or guy-hobbies (or lady-hobbies) plus a gregarious / seemingly-gregarious personality will solve it soon enough.
Oh, OK: reading OP's further comments, must shift my advice/counsel to "perhaps find high-energy hobbies that require some socialization". Birds of a feather do tend to flock together. If you're boring, broke, stupid, non-creative or energetic, etc. please disregard the previous.
I share the OP's sentiment, though I don't really try to make new friends. I'm pretty much resigned that I'll never have a lot of friends and just go on with my life.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
