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I understand the OP's feelings. Parents are the center of family events, not children, even when they become adults.
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Nope, not in my family. Nope, not in my husband's family, either.
Also not in the families of many of my friends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by imagardener
Parents issue invitations to holiday get-togethers and in my experience if an adult child usurped the parents authority there would be hard feelings.
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Nope, not in my family. Nope, not in my husband's family, either.
Also not in the families of many of my friends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by imagardener
OP is lucky they found out so they can re-establish the sibling relationship.
My opinion: leave the parents out of it, just as they prefer. Have a holiday party at OP's home and invite who you want to, everyone including parents or no parents but everyone is invited. Parents have already stated their preference.
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They specifically told my husband we were not going to be allowed under their roof at the same time. They then told his sister the exact same thing. There is absolutely no reason they can't have 4 extra adults under the same roof. All of us are completely shocked!
They're doing it because none of them can stand your tendency to over-dramatize everything.
Odds are the sister is the one who doesn't want you there when she's at the parents' house. "Brother is okay but I really can't stand his wife. We'll come see you when they're not there."
The parents purposely kept us apart. We would ask to get together with each other and they would never tell the other about the invites.
Aren't you an adult? Why would you even feel the need to go through your inlaws? I don't understand that at all. If I want to see my sister in law, I call her. I never felt like i had to run it through my inlaws first. You're not making sense.
Quote:
Originally Posted by imagardener
I understand the OP's feelings.
Parents are the center of family events, not children, even when they become adults.
.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
Nope, not in my family. Nope, not in my husband's family, either.
Also not in the families of many of my friends.
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Not in my family either. I was the one who usually organized family get togethers and I'd be the one inviting my sis in laws families and my inlaws and my mom.
On some occasions I didn't invite my sis in laws family, and I know my in laws went to visit them without us too. I never took it personally and neither did they.
I honestly don't understand the mindset of the OP.. the one who claims her evil inlaws kept them all apart for so many years.
Thank you to everyone who has responded kindly. I really appreciate your input �� I am very introverted and definitely don't cause drama. That's why I'm here.
I understand the OP's feelings. Parents are the center of family events, not children, even when they become adults.
Parents issue invitations to holiday get-togethers and in my experience if an adult child usurped the parents authority there would be hard feelings.
.
NOPE, not in my family! In fact, none of the parents even host any holiday dinners anymore, because all the children (with SIL or DIL) take turns hosting. Whoever is hosting issues the invites. And believe me, there were NO hard feelings from any of the parents. Quite the contrary! They were RELIEVED to no longer be doing all the work of hosting.
OP, YOU should host the next get together. In fact, Memorial Day weekend is coming up...offer to host a Memorial Day picnic. Invite whoever you want. Or 4th of July. Or a "just because we want to" get together.
We moved within a couple of hours to my inlaws last fall. Previously we were 8 hours away, and rarely saw them. A few weeks ago my FIL told my DH that they weren't going to have him and his sister together in their house. We were baffled. They claimed having us together was stressful. We decided to wait it out to see how their conversation went down with his sister. She emailed him yesterday just as confused as us. They have never had an issue with us, nor us with them. DH emailed her saying the same. She emailed again today and had come to the realization they have been keeping us apart for 17 years!
What? Why? Explain this please??!!
How can anyone here explain it? The children need to speak tot heir parents. Maybe they fought like cats and dogs when they were kids. Maybe the parents just don't want a bunch of people over at the same time. Ask them!
I'm still thinking it's this scenario....I know that I personally HATE hosting get-togethers at my house. My home is my personal sanctuary where I live by my own rules and my own timetable. I don't enjoy cooking and am not very good at it, can't do a lot of cleaning (fibromyalgia), etc., so I just do not enjoy hosting company, even family.
It may be that way for your in-laws...and even though it may not have ever been expressed in the past, it may be that it has just reached a breaking point for them, maybe because of one of the factors I mentioned or any number of other things (people remain generally clueless about their parents' lives even as adults). You and your SIL just need to start planning and taking turns hosting all family events....invite the in-laws and just let them do what they want.
Whatever happens, I don't understand why your husband or his sister will not just ASK their parents for their reasoning on the decree. It does all sound a bit overly dramatized.
Thank you to everyone who has responded kindly. I really appreciate your input �� I am very introverted and definitely don't cause drama. That's why I'm here.
Why did it take you 17 years to realize you were never at the in-laws house at the same time?
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It does all sound a bit overly dramatized.
