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Is your wife there alone or with other siblings? If i were in that situation I would rather be with my siblings than husband-and nothing against him- he just doesn't have the shared history I have with my siblings.
Is this a death that will happen when life support is disconnected?
The reason I ask is that that is usually not a sudden dramatic thing like portrayed in movies.
There will likely be a meeting with involved doctors with your wife/her step-father and anyone else they want present.
If they decide to go ahead, it wont be 5 minutes later. They wont even have to decide at the meeting. And, the disconnection of life support will happen when your wife or step-father schedules it unless the hospital is really pushing them. At least that's my experience and the reason I bring it up is that logistically everyone who needs to know will have some advance notice.
Your wife may not even have thought of the possible logistical scenarios yet and be simply focused on her mother.
Presumably you are in contact frequently to find out whats going on. I think the best thing is to talk to your wife about what is the most helpful thing for her right now and bring up the future logistics and what she wants the kids to do.
Whether his being there will be helpful or a hindrance depends on their relationship.
My grandfather was like having another child around. He was not good at keeping himself busy or being intuitive about what was helpful, so he was not very supportive to my grandmother when she was dealing with stress. He became one more thing to worry about.
If you are like that, OP, then your wife may not want you there.
Yes and lots of people(esp men and people who haven't dealt with situations like this before) are not good in hospitals. It can be more stressful to have them there.
Is this a death that will happen when life support is disconnected?
The reason I ask is that that is usually not a sudden dramatic thing like portrayed in movies.
There will likely be a meeting with involved doctors with your wife/her step-father and anyone else they want present.
If they decide to go ahead, it wont be 5 minutes later. They wont even have to decide at the meeting. And, the disconnection of life support will happen when your wife or step-father schedules it unless the hospital is really pushing them. At least that's my experience and the reason I bring it up is that logistically everyone who needs to know will have some advance notice.
Your wife may not even have thought of the possible logistical scenarios yet and be simply focused on her mother.
Presumably you are in contact frequently to find out whats going on. I think the best thing is to talk to your wife about what is the most helpful thing for her right now and bring up the future logistics and what she wants the kids to do.
No, it isn't quite as dramatic as it is in movies, but it isn't a process that lasts for days or even hours. The decision to pull the plug on my father-in-law happened in about 30 minutes. It does depend on the situation, I guess.
Depends on what your wife wants, and whether you want to say a final goodbye before your MIL passes away. If all that is okay, it may be best to stay put so you can pick up your son. (I don't understand the religion reference.)
Given the cluster of "step" relatives up there she wouldn't want me there until after the death. Intensive Care Units have rules on how many visitors can be present and I definitely wouldn't be one of them.
I am pitching this to the board as to whether I should stay put and wait for the death or go straight up to my wife. The logic of staying put is to pick up my younger son for the funeral, which tends to be close in time to the death in my religion, Judaism.
Given the cluster of "step" relatives up there she wouldn't want me there until after the death. Intensive Care Units have rules on how many visitors can be present and I definitely wouldn't be one of them.
yes, and she might be more comfortable with you staying back and making sure your son arrives safely. Her mom has been ill for years, so she has probably been preparing for some time. But be sure to be there for her afterwards too.
No, it isn't quite as dramatic as it is in movies, but it isn't a process that lasts for days or even hours. The decision to pull the plug on my father-in-law happened in about 30 minutes. It does depend on the situation, I guess.
Agreed. But, in my experience both where I was directly involved and also just knew what was going on with someone like a friend, its not that unusual for there to be up to 24 hours between the meeting and the actual disconnection of life support.
So if the goal is to show up at or close to the time of disconnection, the OP may be able to make that work because he is dealing with short commutes. And, if his wife hasn't thought this far, it may be good to talk to her so she knows to pin the hospital down on these things and that she or stepfather have some say so in how fast things proceed.....mainly so if she has strong preferences about when her husband and kids show up, it can be managed to an extent.
I'm sure its different in many situations, but I'm also pretty sure its mostly the same all the time for this hospital.......they will have their process and it should be easy enough to find out what it is.
Given the cluster of "step" relatives up there she wouldn't want me there until after the death. Intensive Care Units have rules on how many visitors can be present and I definitely wouldn't be one of them.
If you know this because you've talked to your wife then you have your answer.
If you haven't asked her directly but are assuming this, you should definitely ask her.
So, rather than asking on here, ask your wife today and then abide by her wishes.
I can't believe the keyboard warriors who are so fast to condemn the OP without knowing all the facts.
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