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I think that sometimes the past is best left in the past, and our memories of how things were may not be completely accurate.
Some years ago, I had this urge to find an old buddy of mine. He and I were best friends in HS, and we did everything together, usually seeing each other every day. He was a crazy guy, as was I, and we did a lot of crazy stuff together and double dated quite a bit. I hadn't seen him in about 10 years or so.
I somehow found a phone number for him and called him, and he was like a total stranger. Instead of the wild man I had known back then, he was now a teacher and super reserved. The conversation was very odd and very strained, he was just so damn proper and rigid ! Talking to him was like talking to a total stranger.
I got off the phone depressed, and realized that we had grown apart in different directions.
Don
Good comments, but your situation was different. You actually reached out to your old friend. This was nothing more than being at the same place at the same time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by the minx
It does sound like you're upset that he wasn't more excited to see you. I guess that could be a blow to your ego.
What would it have taken to make the encounter less weird? From reading your description, I don't see how it was strange at all.
That's exactly what it is, the OP didn't get a grand reception. Which is silly since it doesn't sound like this is a person you would want any more contact with anyway. If he had been chummy and wanted to exhange phone numbers than you have an awkward situation.
LOL, you're about the only person saying that, I've been made fun of by a couple of people for thinking that it was a little weird, I didn't say it was some strange wonder of the world weird and all, just a little strange-ish as I've said up thread.
Actually, you use the words "odd," "strange," and/or "weird" so many times in your initial couple of posts it had me a bit confused. The more you describe this guy's rather sad past and present it seems less and less odd, frankly, and more about possibly your disappointment you weren't more acknowledged.
I would expect a warm encounter from only maybe a handful of people from, say, high school that I'd meet after 31 years. Just a numbers game. If there was literally no contact for 31 years that sort of implies for me that there's no connection or latent affinity anyway.
To all the people giving me flack about wanting applause and red carpet and my ego wasn't stroked properly or whatever, it has nothing to do with any of that garbage. The problem was that there was a strange vibe and weirdness about it that I didn't do a very good job of explaining, a lot of intangible stuff.
I have no ego, if simply saying I managed to not have kids and go to college is bragging, then I don't know what to say, I simply said since he was a competitive guy that I beat him. I didn't go on to list how fab I am like I'm rattling off a resume over here.
Jeez, I forget what loons lurk on CD. I should remember that before I bother starting a thread in the future. It was just simply an odd encounter is all.
I think I understand what your friend was feeling. In a way, I am that friend. I do think I would have handled it differently, though.
I come from a well educated & conservative family but in high school, I was a mess! This was my own doing. Nobody to blame but myself. I think everyone expected me to be dead by age 20. Expectations were very low!
I eventually “pulled my head out†& put myself through college, started at the age of 18 with a 9nth grade education & a 7 month old baby.
Graduated 4 years later and began a professional career.
I am now 48. My life has been, well, interesting to say the least. The “bad†me just didn’t leave quietly. I’ve lost everything I owned 3 times. I also regained it 3 times. I have a lot of wonderful children & a very strange ex or two.
12 years ago I married a man 12 years my senior who is very well thought of and respected & had my youngest child. Everything seemed to be finally leveling out & then…
Something was going wrong & I couldn’t put my finger on it. I was exhausted & there were not enough hours in the day for me to get everything done.
The day care asked me if my son was deaf.
My husband kept saying “when is he going to talk?â€
At age 3, my son was diagnosed with Autism (severe/regressive). I quit my job to become his primary caregiver. A year later, frustrated with what I thought was my inability to balance a budget, I sat down and did some research.
I learned that we were living at 200% below poverty level. I applied for every type of assistance that we were “entitled†(bleh) to. It was too little, too late.
Fast forward 10 years. I still live in this same town & I DREAD running in to someone I know. Due to the nature of my son’s care, I have not been “out†for 5 years. I have zero friends. My clothes have holes in them & I know I look tired & worn out.
Four years ago I ran into an acquaintance at the courthouse and he literally said “OMG what happened to you! You poor thing!â€
When I pull up outside of a convenience store I wait for it to empty out before I go in. I keep my eyes lowered & avoid eye contact.
You see, I refuse to accept that this is how I “ended up†but that is what people will think. I know I’m doing the right thing & I think & hope that this is temporary.
If that would have been me in that bar I would have given you the brightest smile I could (smiles are free, I can afford that!) & asked for all the great details of your life.
I would not have let you see me squirm.
But I do understand what may have been wrong with your friend, poor guy. You shouldn’t have to feel “bad†for having done well for yourself either.. â€There but for the grace of God..†(you know the rest).
I think I understand what your friend was feeling. In a way, I am that friend. I do think I would have handled it differently, though.
I come from a well educated & conservative family but in high school, I was a mess! This was my own doing. Nobody to blame but myself. I think everyone expected me to be dead by age 20. Expectations were very low!
I eventually “pulled my head out†& put myself through college, started at the age of 18 with a 9nth grade education & a 7 month old baby.
Graduated 4 years later and began a professional career.
I am now 48. My life has been, well, interesting to say the least. The “bad†me just didn’t leave quietly. I’ve lost everything I owned 3 times. I also regained it 3 times. I have a lot of wonderful children & a very strange ex or two.
12 years ago I married a man 12 years my senior who is very well thought of and respected & had my youngest child. Everything seemed to be finally leveling out & then…
Something was going wrong & I couldn’t put my finger on it. I was exhausted & there were not enough hours in the day for me to get everything done.
The day care asked me if my son was deaf.
My husband kept saying “when is he going to talk?â€
At age 3, my son was diagnosed with Autism (severe/regressive). I quit my job to become his primary caregiver. A year later, frustrated with what I thought was my inability to balance a budget, I sat down and did some research.
I learned that we were living at 200% below poverty level. I applied for every type of assistance that we were “entitled†(bleh) to. It was too little, too late.
Fast forward 10 years. I still live in this same town & I DREAD running in to someone I know. Due to the nature of my son’s care, I have not been “out†for 5 years. I have zero friends. My clothes have holes in them & I know I look tired & worn out.
Four years ago I ran into an acquaintance at the courthouse and he literally said “OMG what happened to you! You poor thing!â€
When I pull up outside of a convenience store I wait for it to empty out before I go in. I keep my eyes lowered & avoid eye contact.
You see, I refuse to accept that this is how I “ended up†but that is what people will think. I know I’m doing the right thing & I think & hope that this is temporary.
If that would have been me in that bar I would have given you the brightest smile I could (smiles are free, I can afford that!) & asked for all the great details of your life.
I would not have let you see me squirm.
But I do understand what may have been wrong with your friend, poor guy. You shouldn’t have to feel “bad†for having done well for yourself either.. â€There but for the grace of God..†(you know the rest).
Sounds like a wild ride. It sounds like you're doing a bit better. I'm glad to hear that. Having a special needs child is tough on people and that alone can wear a person down.
I think that sometimes the past is best left in the past, and our memories of how things were may not be completely accurate.
Some years ago, I had this urge to find an old buddy of mine. He and I were best friends in HS, and we did everything together, usually seeing each other every day. He was a crazy guy, as was I, and we did a lot of crazy stuff together and double dated quite a bit. I hadn't seen him in about 10 years or so.
I somehow found a phone number for him and called him, and he was like a total stranger. Instead of the wild man I had known back then, he was now a teacher and super reserved. The conversation was very odd and very strained, he was just so damn proper and rigid ! Talking to him was like talking to a total stranger.
I got off the phone depressed, and realized that we had grown apart in different directions.
Don
That is kinda a sad story. I think we as humans have difficulty with change, but change is inevitable, sometimes it's good change and sometimes it can be viewed as bad.
I think you're right, sometimes the past is best left in the past.
To all the people giving me flack about wanting applause and red carpet and my ego wasn't stroked properly or whatever, it has nothing to do with any of that garbage. The problem was that there was a strange vibe and weirdness about it that I didn't do a very good job of explaining, a lot of intangible stuff.
I have no ego, if simply saying I managed to not have kids and go to college is bragging, then I don't know what to say, I simply said since he was a competitive guy that I beat him. I didn't go on to list how fab I am like I'm rattling off a resume over here.
Jeez, I forget what loons lurk on CD. I should remember that before I bother starting a thread in the future. It was just simply an odd encounter is all.
Than if anything you should feel sorry for him. You never mention that, you only talk about how he sat down by your wife and yourself, and than proceeded to talk to other people. Which indicates you were "put out" that he didn't make a bigger deal out of seeing you.
As many of us have said, there is nothing odd about running into someone you haven't seen in years, having a brief conversation, and that's the end of it. No exchanging of numbers, or suggestions of getting together.
You just don't like what you were told. You expected more people to say "oh, how weird that he acted that way", and that didn't happen.
If anything you should be relieved, it could have been you ran into this guy that you have nothing in common with, seems to have a life that isn't the best(most likely his own doing), and now he wants to be friends again and you don't want that, you exhanged information, and he wants to come to your house....now that would be an issue.
Actually, you use the words "odd," "strange," and/or "weird" so many times in your initial couple of posts it had me a bit confused. The more you describe this guy's rather sad past and present it seems less and less odd, frankly, and more about possibly your disappointment you weren't more acknowledged.
I would expect a warm encounter from only maybe a handful of people from, say, high school that I'd meet after 31 years. Just a numbers game. If there was literally no contact for 31 years that sort of implies for me that there's no connection or latent affinity anyway.
Maybe he's an addict of some kind??? So bumping into you was not making him happy with his damaged self.
Maybe, as others have mentioned 31 yrs can do things to people, maybe he did have it rough IDK, I know he missed out on a lot of things, things like going to HS prom or the college experience. Having responsibilities like a baby at 16 can disrupt a persons life and definitely change the trajectory as someone else mentioned.
I wish no ill will on the guy, I hope he finds peace, hell, life it short and tough at times, I get that, I really do.
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Talking to him was like talking to a total stranger.
