Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
Advertisements
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
I'm retired, but I often didn't attend things that other people set up in my office, but I wondered if I should have. One time they all went to a Yankees game. I am not a big sports fan, and it would have meant being stuck on a long train ride late at night to get back home, so I declined. They all talked about what a great time they had.
A couple of years later they did it again, only it was a Mets game. I decided to go because two other people would have to travel all the way back to Jersey from Queens by train, and they said we could all go together. I am glad I did, and it turned out to be a good game. So, sometimes, it's worth taking a chance when you don't feel like doing something because you might end up having fun.
Once upon a time, I did attend these out-of-work events with my current coworkers when I first started at my soon-to-be former company. It wasn't until I found out I wasn't among the "cool clique" at work that I stopped making an effort. That experience really soured me on the company and I furiously looked for a new job and just landed one, without really having connections, just two really great references.
At this new company, I'll probably be open to OOW events at first but I will be careful to not get too emotionally invested.
Depends on the coworkers and function. I'm not big on a fancy soirees or where there is a lot of pretense. If it's just a couple of folks casually going to dinner, I can do that occasionally.
Ive been in the corporate world for 6 years now. Networking is everything. Go ahead and skip these necessary evils of events if you want, but I promise you that it WILL impact your prospects down the road. Complain all you want but that is the working world as we have it.
Yep. Unless you work third-shift IT making backups in the middle of the night, you have to have some kind of relationship with co-workers. And, quite frankly, if you live in a cubicle land where no one interacts, that's kind of a hellish environment.
No man is an island. A healthy workplace requires interaction, collaboration and, above all, mutual trust. And if you're complaining about how all your co-workers are idiots with whom you wouldn't spend a nanosecond with, then you need to either a) change jobs or b) realize that perhaps you are the problem.
Again, I'm not saying that you go partying with them all the time. But those people with whom you work are the people who will, time and again over the course of your career, be the people who can help you. So to simply fold your arms and say, "Work is work and my time off is my own, so I'll never socialize with colleagues" is just short sighted and a bit idiotic.
There is nothing wrong with not wanting to socialize with your co-workers, but it was a mistake to discuss it with one of them. If he tells people you said you would prefer not to attend, then any excuse you offer up will be suspect.
I would go, this time. You're new, and it certainly can't hurt to be seen as approachable.
I agree - go this one time and be careful in the future about what you tell coworkers. I'm with you though on socializing after work. I did it when I was young and we had a small office but after marriage and kids my time was too precious to spend more time with coworkers than I already did. I went to the yearly Christmas party and that was it.
It's entirely possible to be a private person and still go to functions like the one the OP described. In fact, let's just call ongoing snubbing of colleagues antisocial and be done with it.
Sure, you are under no obligation to go socialize with people after work. Hey, I'm not exactly the kind of person who would go drinking with my colleagues after hours, and I certainly didn't reveal my inner secrets to them either.
At the same time, if you get asked by a co-working to come for a small dinner party or similar occasion, how hard is it really to just make the attempt? I mean, unless you work with total a-holes, then recognize that the person was thoughtful enough to extend an invitation to you. I mean, I guess you could think up enough ridiculous excuses to not go. But if you think they don't know you're just dodging the occasion, then you're fooling yourself.
What's more, people do business with people. While you certainly don't have to be the back-slapping, lampshade-wearing, karaoke-singing kind, it never hurts to get to know your co-workers after hours, even if it's an hour of chitchat at a party. And for those socially underdeveloped who think small talk is somehow trivial, you couldn't be more wrong. It's really the opening phases of trying to get to know someone better. And that means you could learn more about the people you work with. It has benefits both socially and professionally.
So go, even if for an hour. It's not "playing the game" (A phrase that says a great deal about the people who use it). It's just recognizing that the people you spend eight hours a day with are people with dimension to them, not automatons. The person who invited you will appreciate that you made the effort. And the better people identify with you as a person, the more you'll be a trusted colleague at the office.
I think the "playing the game" references were simply a catch all phrase for doing the types of things that the below poster said. Networking, being social-able enough at least anyways, being a "team player" all of that stuff, it wasn't meant as some kind of nefarious ill intended mean spirited way of interacting with co-workers, I say that "playing the game" phrase all the time but like I said I mean it more of just sorta going along with the program, not that I'm hating my fellow employee and such. I think all of those life skills coaches typically make comments of 'the game of life' etc etc. Matter of fact just about every performance review I've ever had that was one of the things that I scored high on as being a person that is seen as a "go to" guy for help or whatever.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thatguydownsouth
Ive been in the corporate world for 6 years now. Networking is everything. Go ahead and skip these necessary evils of events if you want, but I promise you that it WILL impact your prospects down the road. Complain all you want but that is the working world as we have it.
Any Idea why? Is she giving a birthday or wedding party no reason mentioned? If I am invited I am going always. I don't care if I can work there or not. That does not matter some times it is better to get to know people out side of the work and let me tell you they are much better when not at work.
Once upon a time, I did attend these out-of-work events with my current coworkers when I first started at my soon-to-be former company. It wasn't until I found out I wasn't among the "cool clique" at work that I stopped making an effort. That experience really soured me on the company and I furiously looked for a new job and just landed one, without really having connections, just two really great references.
At this new company, I'll probably be open to OOW events at first but I will be careful to not get too emotionally invested.
Some people are naturally more inclined to see coworkers as family than others. I always felt as though I was a little odd because I had to make an effort to be social at work. It hit home once after I was working with our assistant director on a project and going to meetings. Nicest guy, wouldn't let you call him your boss, he was your "co-worker". Made his own copies, very down to earth despite his high position.
Well, I'm looking across the table at him for a few weeks at these meetings, and I'm thinking, "Damn, Mark doesn't look good". I knew he'd had a cancer scare a few years earlier, and he was OK, but his color looked off and he looked very tired all the time.
I walk into the office one morning and people are standing around in groups, some crying, a couple actually WAILING. Turned out Mark went jogging the night before, came home, and dropped dead of a heart attack on the living room floor. So the group of shocked people I walked up to first told me this, and I immediately said, "Well, that's not a big surprise. He's looked like hell lately." As soon as I said it, the looks on the faces of the people in the group told me that was an "oops".
I was recently made aware by a fellow coworker (via a mass email) that she has arranged a large group dinner and has invited all of us within our department and several outside of our department (about 30-40 people, in general, total), to attend.
I'm relatively new at my job. I get along well with most, if not all, of my coworkers. But I'm also an immensely private person, to the point of appearing stand offish. I also really have always kept my personal and professional lives separate.
In all honesty, I have no true desire to go.
However, I mentioned the invite to a fellow coworker, and he said "If you're going to survive in this environment and hope to be here long term, I think you should go. It's how things go around here and it's how the game is played. It looks good for you to make an appearance. Go!"
Do you socialize with coworkers outside of work? And do you enjoy it?
Would you consider a coworker stand-offish or less than friendly if s/he didn't attend a large out of work social event?
You're an adult. You have the right to choose to go or not go. That's your choice.
Don't go to it knowing you'll feel uncomfortable. You'll hear all the hoop-la about who did what and this and that after the event. If you hear positive things about this gathering, should another one occur you can re-evaluate going or not.
I was recently made aware by a fellow coworker (via a mass email) that she has arranged a large group dinner and has invited all of us within our department and several outside of our department (about 30-40 people, in general, total), to attend.
I'm relatively new at my job. I get along well with most, if not all, of my coworkers. But I'm also an immensely private person, to the point of appearing stand offish. I also really have always kept my personal and professional lives separate.
In all honesty, I have no true desire to go.
However, I mentioned the invite to a fellow coworker, and he said "If you're going to survive in this environment and hope to be here long term, I think you should go. It's how things go around here and it's how the game is played. It looks good for you to make an appearance. Go!"
Do you socialize with coworkers outside of work? And do you enjoy it?
Would you consider a coworker stand-offish or less than friendly if s/he didn't attend a large out of work social event?
If she's paying for it, then I'd go. Otherwise I'd simply tell them "Thanks but I'll pass this time" I'd expect the same from others if I was doing the same, which I wouldn't....
Some people are naturally more inclined to see coworkers as family than others. I always felt as though I was a little odd because I had to make an effort to be social at work. It hit home once after I was working with our assistant director on a project and going to meetings. Nicest guy, wouldn't let you call him your boss, he was your "co-worker". Made his own copies, very down to earth despite his high position.
Well, I'm looking across the table at him for a few weeks at these meetings, and I'm thinking, "Damn, Mark doesn't look good". I knew he'd had a cancer scare a few years earlier, and he was OK, but his color looked off and he looked very tired all the time.
I walk into the office one morning and people are standing around in groups, some crying, a couple actually WAILING. Turned out Mark went jogging the night before, came home, and dropped dead of a heart attack on the living room floor. So the group of shocked people I walked up to first told me this, and I immediately said, "Well, that's not a big surprise. He's looked like hell lately." As soon as I said it, the looks on the faces of the people in the group told me that was an "oops".
A beloved coworker of mine died also and everyone took it really hard. Although I felt bad, it was not as hard for me because I never got close to her the way some people did. In a way, I felt like that was a good thing since I didn't have to be devastated by her loss, but I also missed out on really getting to know how great of a person everyone said she was.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
