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You don't think it's harassment, as one other poster suggested? That's what I'm worried about. Thank you for your response.
It's not at all harassment. It's you trying to reconnect with an old lost best friend.
If she takes it as anything more than that, it's on her.
You could make short order of all this, if you wanted to...
Pick up the phone, and call her. Once you say, it's great to hear your voice again, this is 'Jaellys'... I hope you don't mind me calling.
You'll get your reply then and there - blunt and to the point.
She'll either hang up on you or you'll be on the phone until midnight.
I know that's what I'd do - you don't have a relationship with her now. If you call and she talks, it can rebuild. If you call and she hangs up, you still don't have a relationship with her, and you've been shown that she's not interested in rebuilding one.
I really hope and pray for you that you have the best outcome possible...
So this is gonna seem like I'm lying but I promise, I didn't do anything that I know of. I seriously didn't know what happened. I found out one day that she was hanging out with a guy who does drugs (and I guess she may have tried them too) and we got into a fall out about that, then she left and said she needs her own life.
Some of our mutual friends seem to think she was so ashamed that we all found out because she was a very Christian girl. But honestly who knows. Either way it doesn't matter and I do want to apologize to her if it was my fault that she left, even though I know we probably would never repair the friendship because she has definitely moved on.
I guess then if everyone thinks I should not reach out, then any tips on moving on and just stop missing her? I am a busy person now with my career so I have moved on mostly but I want to stop missing her from time to time. She was such a prominent person in my life I guess that I just still feel a void.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaellys
Maybe so. A lot of people in my life have told me that her cutting me off suddenly is the most hurtful thing they've heard any one do, since they knew how good of friends we were. We literally were acting our normal fun selves two days before she left. It was so painful when she left because I never saw it coming. I understand people grow apart. I just wish it was more gradual than that. I think it was so painful because it was sudden. I don't know. She's happy now and that's what really matters to me. But I sure do wish I could tell her that. I wish I can thank her for helping me get through the dark times in my life and I wish i could excitedly tell her that I conquered school and am successful now. She was there every step of the way through my tears/long study nights so it was very sad to not have her there at graduation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaellys
Wow I didn't think I would get so many responses. Thank you all.
I don't think she's an addict now. In fact, she is with what looks like a Very successful, Christian man and she is very Christian herself. She seems she is a housewife now. She is always posting family pics. She was a very Christian girl (so am I) so It looks like she got out of that dark time in her life quickly, which I am relieved about. And I'm not even sure she did anything with the druggie guy, she was involved with him and there wererumors at her work place. It was a big mess and as a friend I was just trying to make sense of it all and never knew what happened.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaellys
Part of the reason I want to reach out is to apologize if it was me that made her leave. Maybe I did smother her. It would be nice if she would have told me that so I could back off a bit and give her space.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaellys
And I think she moved away because she was going to live with her now husband. I've found that out through the grapevine. I guess she was dating her now husband and the druggy guy at the same time.
Long story short in pieces look like
Tip : Don't follow her stuff on any social media. You will be fine. Don't feel guilty
It's not at all harassment. It's you trying to reconnect with an old lost best friend.
If she takes it as anything more than that, it's on her.
You could make short order of all this, if you wanted to...
Pick up the phone, and call her. Once you say, it's great to hear your voice again, this is 'Jaellys'... I hope you don't mind me calling.
You'll get your reply then and there - blunt and to the point.
She'll either hang up on you or you'll be on the phone until midnight.
I know that's what I'd do - you don't have a relationship with her now. If you call and she talks, it can rebuild. If you call and she hangs up, you still don't have a relationship with her, and you've been shown that she's not interested in rebuilding one.
I really hope and pray for you that you have the best outcome possible...
Thank you so much. I'm just worried since she has made it clear she doesn't want to speak to me Moderator cut: delete, changed her number, moved). This is food for thought. Again I really appreciate your kind words.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 05-06-2016 at 08:00 AM..
Let me mention this: sometimes you never really know the reason for a breakup. The other party may not be telling the truth for various reasons. In your case the breakup was sudden and unexpected. To me, it sounds as if she owes you the apology. You don't owe her anything, unless you have left out some important detail. It sounds as if your friend was caught in something she is not proud of, by you, and then reacted very badly. It might very well be that she would not want you to be in contact with her now because it would remind her of this, or it might lead to uncomfortable disclosures to her family.
Or, it might be the opening she herself feels she needs to make things right for you.
It is important for you to understand that you can initiate contact, but you have no control of the outcome.
And, this lack of closure you feel might lead you to find out some uncomfortable things about yourself that you never imagined any one would think about you.
So, think long and hard about this. Make sure you aren't holding a grudge. Understand that there are many ways you could be turned down, including being ignored.
But, allow yourself only one contact by phone or electronic means. After that, it is all up to her.
She took some pretty drastic measures to sever contact with you (blocking you on Facebook, changing her phone number, moving 4 hours away and dropping out of school). Are you sure that this was just over a druggie guy (do you know for sure that he was on drugs or was this just a rumor?) or was there some other reason? She may have had other problems and resolved them now. You might have done something that wasn't a big deal to you but was a big deal to her. Or you really know why she did what she did and are glossing over that in the hopes that she will 'forgive and forget' since she is a Christian.
Let it go. If she hasn't reached out to you in 5 years, she has no interest in reconnecting with you. I assume that you haven't changed your contact information and she could reach you if she wanted to.
Sometimes even close friends drift apart and sometimes you don't get closure. Stop listening to the grapevine and don't look at her Facebook (she married a guy that you never knew or heard about- that's because you aren't in her life any more and you don't know every little thing about her any more).
If you do decide to contact her, are you prepared to listen to her side of what happened if she chooses to tell you? You may find that you were truly at fault for the breakdown of your friendship, are you prepared to deal with that?
She took some pretty drastic measures to sever contact with you ( changing her phone number, moving 4 hours away and dropping out of school). Are you sure that this was just over a druggie guy (do you know for sure that he was on drugs or was this just a rumor?) or was there some other reason? She may have had other problems and resolved them now. You might have done something that wasn't a big deal to you but was a big deal to her. Or you really know why she did what she did and are glossing over that in the hopes that she will 'forgive and forget' since she is a Christian.
Let it go. If she hasn't reached out to you in 5 years, she has no interest in reconnecting with you. I assume that you haven't changed your contact information and she could reach you if she wanted to.
Sometimes even close friends drift apart and sometimes you don't get closure. Stop listening to the grapevine and don't look at her Facebook (she married a guy that you never knew or heard about- that's because you aren't in her life any more and you don't know every little thing about her any more).
If you do decide to contact her, are you prepared to listen to her side of what happened if she chooses to tell you? You may find that you were truly at fault for the breakdown of your friendship, are you prepared to deal with that?
Thanks for your response. I sometimes feel like maybe I was smothering her in my life without realizing it, maybe we hung out too much and I was really stressed during school. So part of me feels guilty that I vented my stress so much on her and it got to be too much. I really wish she would have told me that she felt smothered if that were the case because she always seemed so concerned so I didn't realize I was burdening her. And I don't even know if I will reach out honestly. Like you said, she probably has no interest since its been years. If I did contact her, yes, I would be prepared to hear what happened. But honestly I want to just tell her that I'm sorry if I did anything to cause her to leave and that I'm so happy/relieved that she is ok/living a good life.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 05-06-2016 at 08:10 AM..
Courage is the foundation of all happiness. Have the courage to reach out to her. If she is glad to hear from you, then great. If she's not, then it's settled once and for all.
Location: Living near our Nation's Capitol since 2010
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I had a similar situation with my ex-sister in law after a very nasty divorce from her brother. She was always like a sister to me during our long marriage...in fact, she was closer than my own sister. I missed her tremendously when the divorce happened. She and I had a tearful discussion when I ended the marriage(believe me, it was long overdue and a very dysfunctional marriage) and agreed that she needed to be supportive of her own brother. (He has since passed away)
4 years agoModerator cut: delete, I saw she had moved to another state. I found her phone number, took a chance, and I phoned her. Long story short, she and I spent 2 hours on the phone, crying and saying how we had missed one another. While we don't have the same closeness we had back then....after all, we now live 2000 miles apart and we have separate lives, but we maintain a very nice relationship.
I say, what do you have to lose? Your situation might not turn out as well as ours did, but I think you should at least try.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 05-06-2016 at 08:06 AM..
Reason: deleted the FB reference Sticky post atop the page about FB
17 years ago, the best thing i ever did was dump all thefriends i grew up with, went to school with. all the dope heads with dead ends lives getting stone and watching simpsons 24/7
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