Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've always lived in urban areas and this is a new issue for me. This is a pretty small town of 5,000. It's poor (think Midwestern meth town), run down, and unemployment is high.
I'm not used to the small talk. It's invasive. The weather, Ok, whatever. Stuff like "wow, where do you work?" (laptop briefcase), "are you a lawyer... then prattles his legal dilemmas". "you must be from (major city)", "I'm going to sit and have lunch with you"... it goes on.
FWIW, most days I am wearing yoga pants, not a suit. I get that slim, non-sloppy/non-Amish women are rare here but come on...
How do you walk the line of not being a snob but also wanting away from this invasiveness?? I felt less culture shock when I had to learn a 2nd language from a different relocation.
I think that would be very challenging. The obvious response would be to suggest you move to the nearest larger town. Do you have colleagues there, that you could get tips from? The only strategy I can think of, is to deflect. "I'm going to have lunch with you" (really?? People presume to that extent? ) could be met with, "Oh, sorry, I use my lunch hours to catch up on my email. It's the only chance I have during the day."
"You must be from (city)" could be met with, "I'm new here, that's for sure. So how long has your family been in the area?" (Distract, by asking a question about them. People fall for this remarkably easily.)
"Are you a lawyer? (followed by airing of legal problems)" Response (interrupting legal-woes monologue):
"No, but actually, I was wondering if there's anyone good in that field around here. Do you know anyone? No? OK, thanks, well, I've got to be going..."
In other words, give a brief response, divulging nothing, then ask a question about them, or something local, to throw them off the trail. lol Also, consider wearing jeans instead of yoga pants (unless going/coming from the gym), to blend in a little. Otherwise the attention could drive you nuts.
I've always lived in urban areas and this is a new issue for me. This is a pretty small town of 5,000. It's poor (think Midwestern meth town), run down, and unemployment is high.
I'm not used to the small talk. It's invasive. The weather, Ok, whatever. Stuff like "wow, where do you work?" (laptop briefcase), "are you a lawyer... then prattles his legal dilemmas". "you must be from (major city)", "I'm going to sit and have lunch with you"... it goes on.
FWIW, most days I am wearing yoga pants, not a suit. I get that slim, non-sloppy/non-Amish women are rare here but come on...
How do you walk the line of not being a snob but also wanting away from this invasiveness?? I felt less culture shock when I had to learn a 2nd language from a different relocation.
First, stop acting and talking like a snob, you do not need to criticize their town, appearance, and clothing. Even if you are not saying it to them, I'm sure your mannerism are coming across that way. Second, you moved to their town, small towns means small talk, it is just the way it is, and the way of life they like. Either realize they are trying to get to know you, as a new person in this small community, or move back to the urban area that is not a rundown meth town filled with people who don't measure up to your stylish standards.
1. What would possibly possess you to move to such a small town when you are an urban girl at heart? It had to be love?
2. They are being friendly -- not to speak to you would be considered rude.
3. Learn how to talk to people. Ask them what they do. Ask them how long they've lived there. Ask them about their kids. Ask them about the HS football team. Whatever. The best conversationalists listen far more than they talk. :-)
4. Yoga pants? You have instantly earned the deep suspicion of 90% of the women in town. My mom grew up in a very small town (1,100 pop.). In the 60's, I had a miniskirt, and while visiting my grandparents, I donned it with the plan of walking two blocks to the other side of town to pick up the mail. My mother stopped me and said, "Wear jeans, honey, M_____ isn't ready for miniskirts, yet." I was aghast, but she was right -- that skirt would have been talked about for the next six Sundays at the local church. :-) It is what it is. You aren't going to change it. After you have been there a while and people have gotten to know you (See #3), you will be forgiven some eccentricities.
There are some advantages to small town living, but it sounds like you've already made up your mind that you have landed in Hell-On-Earth. Again -- what on earth possessed you to move there, if you have such disdain for it?
First, stop acting and talking like a snob, you do not need to criticize their town, appearance, and clothing. Even if you are not saying it to them, I'm sure your mannerism are coming across that way. Second, you moved to their town, small towns means small talk, it is just the way it is, and the way of life they like. Either realize they are trying to get to know you, as a new person in this small community, or move back to the urban area that is not a rundown meth town filled with people who don't measure up to your stylish standards.
This. People aren't trying to be nosy. They are trying to be nice.
Thanks for the advice. My spouse works in a social services field, with meth addicts specifically, so it's not a criticism but a reality that we have moved to a town with serious drug problems and poverty. So yeah, it's for love.
I understand people are trying to be friendly. But I have never in my life encountered such overt encounters with people asking personal information. I have smiled, been polite, made wee small talk, but I'm not comfortable at all and it's a shock.
Thanks for the advice. My spouse works in a social services field, with meth addicts specifically, so it's not a criticism but a reality that we have moved to a town with serious drug problems and poverty. So yeah, it's for love.
I understand people are trying to be friendly. But I have never in my life encountered such overt encounters with people asking personal information. I have smiled, been polite, made wee small talk, but I'm not comfortable at all and it's a shock.
They already know you're a snob, they're just trying to be nice ... Stay in the house and stop bothering everybody.
How am I snob when all I've been doing is sitting down in a coffee shop or library to work on my laptop because I don't have internet access until next week? Is it unreasonable ?
I walk in, order my coffee politely, set up my laptop and work. When I have been interrupted, I smile politely and feel like "uh huh, yes it's quite cold". Then that's about it. Do I owe these people my life story when I am trying to work? I can't even work in the library without it. So, if that makes me a snob then so be it because I can't ignore my job for the 5 days I don't have internet.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
) could be met with, "Oh, sorry, I use my lunch hours to catch up on my email. It's the only chance I have during the day."
