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y gf of almost 3.5 months and I broke up on Saturday night. I found out from a mutual friend on that same day that my ex had told her (in confidence, but my friend decided to tell me anyway) that she no longer saw me as a boyfriend, but rather as a good friend. We were on a hike that day with our friends, and she wouldn't hold my hand for more than a minute at a time and didn't talk to me the entire time, which is why I shouldn't have been surprised. When I pulled up to her house Saturday night to drop her off, I said to her, "Anne told me what you said to her about me. That you no longer have any feelings for me as a boyfriend." She said that that was all true, that she had stopped having feelings for me at the end of August, and that she still saw me as a good friend, but I said no, I couldn't be friends, at least not for several months, and I broke up with her. We had about a half hour conversation that involved me crying uncontrollably and her shedding a few tears, and then we hugged goodbye and I said, "I'll see you when I see you." I am no longer crying, but I am still sad and still love her and still have the slight hope that she'll call or text me one day saying how crazy she was. Our mutual friends are devastated as well, as the five of us used to hang out in a group. My ex and I were close friends for about 9 months before we started dating, but I cannot go back now. It would be torture. We were also coworkers but I'm not working there currently since I'm in college. Long story short, I was invited to a retirement party for one of my coworkers at her and my job, and I have decided I'm not going if my ex will be there, which I'm sure she will be. If she won't be there, I definitely want to go. Anyway, do you guys think there is a way I can ask one of our mutual friends if she will be there without making it obvious that it will affect my decision? I don't want to embarrass myself, but I really want to go to this party if she won't be there, but seeing her, especially if she brings a date, will give me terrible heartache. My mutual friends want me to get over it and be friends with her already, but I am not doing that. So, do you guys think I can ask if my ex will be there but not make it seem like it determines what I'm doing, or should I just not go? I said I couldn't make it last night to the host (it's a surprise party, but didn't say the reason), but I do want to know if my ex will be there so I can possibly change my mind. And also, will it make me look pathetic if people know I'm not coming because of her? I can just say I have something to do if the real reason will make me look bad.
If I were you I would first ask the hostess, the elderly lady.
If she does not know then you have to ask a friend of hers, probably the one who told you that she is not your GF anymore.
Try to find out, it would be a pity if you would not go, although you want to go, and this girl does not go either.
But what if this girl does not tell you the truth, because she wants you and that girl to become friends?
If I were you I would first ask the hostess, the elderly lady.
If she does not know then you have to ask a friend of hers, probably the one who told you that she is not your GF anymore.
Try to find out, it would be a pity if you would not go, although you want to go, and this girl does not go either.
But what if this girl does not tell you the truth, because she wants you and that girl to become friends?
Then hide in the closet....:-D)))
The retiree does not know about the party. It is a surprise. My friend doesn't know if my ex is going, but she is pretty sure she is, so I RSVP'd no.
Wow. If i was your ex gf I would totally drop Anne as a friend for blabbing what I said in confidence. Wow.
Anyhoo, send your regards to the retiree with a card and wine or something and not go. It seems rather torturous to even go back and forth in your mind with yourself and others on your ex's possible attendance.
I don't want to embarrass myself, but I really want to go to this party if she won't be there, but seeing her, especially if she brings a date, will give me terrible heartache.
Put your big boy panties on, hold your head up high and just go. Have fun.
I am thinking the same as you OP. I'd definitely ask if your ex was going to be there, and if she was, I wouldn't go. Send a gift and say you're sorry but you just couldn't attend. No other explanation needed. I'm sure they'll figure it out why.
If they don't understand your heartache, do you really care? If they care about you, they'll understand that you just aren't ready to be at the same party as your ex.
If she isn't going, go and have fun!
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