Aging and the changing dynamics between mom and daughter

[reneeh63]

Originally Posted by germaine2626

If your mother started collecting SS before her ex-husband retired, it is likely that the $400 a month was from the years that she was in the workforce.

Now that he has retired she should be able to claim half of his SS benefit. Since they only count your highest 35 years of paying income taxes, even four years, of not paying income taxes would effect it very little.

Let's say he graduated from college at age 22 and worked until he was 66. That is 44 years of full time employment, plus, of course, any part time years during HS and college, so maybe as much as 50 years of employment in all.

They only count your top 35 years (adjusted into today's dollars) so I bet that she would be getting more than $400 a month in benefits if she filed as his divorced spouse. Now, if he was cheating the government for 30 or 40 or more years maybe not, but that is pretty unlikely.

I am certainly not a SS expert, but she should definitely check it out with the SS office now that he is retired.

He doesn't have to be retired for her to collect...provided various conditions are met (married for at least 10 years, divorced for at least two years, her own SS less than his):

Social Security Strategies If You Are Divorced

This is the first I saw from a reputable link in an easy to digest form but I'm sure the SSA site has all the details - well worth checking out. He doesn't even have to be aware that she is collecting on his work record.

[chiluvr1228]

Originally Posted by germaine2626

Of course, families are different, but IMHO, there is a difference between paying expenses for someone in their 80s vs someone in their 60s. Or, taking turns or things like that.

I wonder how your mother would have felt about you "usually picking up the tab" when she was in her mid 60s like the OP's mother?

Chiluvr, how do you feel when your adult children try to pay your bills or offer you money?

Neither of my two children would try to pay my bills or offer me money and I would never ask. One is living with me on disability and the other one is going to college and working full time.


Now if they won the lottery I know they would give me money and in that case I would accept.

[silibran]

Originally Posted by flyingsaucermom

Thanks everyone for their responses.

I took advice and applied it this afternoon... mom wanted to buy $150 worth of gift cards for the kids' birthdays and I talked her down to $60

Then the conversation turned a very different direction and I have to say, my heart is really hurting for her.

It is so. very. awful.

Mom is trying to get a tax return in before the 15th, but she needs some information about the partnership that my dad isn't giving her. She'll be forced to file without the information.

The consequences could be horrible.

I was informed this evening that my dad had a $5mm judgement against him. My mom believes that he sold property from their partnership to pay for the judgement. She is trying to learn about how much those properties were sold to understand the tax liability. She might owe taxes on money she never received. She has no money to pay the taxes or an attorney if she needs to take my dad to court regarding this.

He is avoiding her phone calls, emails and texts. She realizes that neither my sister or I can help her so her plan is to talk with his sister.

Also, I found out that he did claim her as his wife or whatever, so she will get more in SS at age 67.

She needs to see a tax attorney pronto.

[Kgryfon]

No reason she can't spend some of her principle. She can't take it with her, so why die with a $1MM in her pocket?