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OMG...You do favors for family members? That's Crazy.
My daughter lives on my property with her boyfriend and for years I didn't charge them a penny when they were going through school. My daughter didn't even live there, just the boyfriend.
No favors. No raking, I had to eventually throw a fit for once or twice a year of yardwork.
There were no thank you's either, or "I am sorry for burning down the house"
My daughter won't do me any favors at all. They never ask if I need anything and they never do yardwork except once recently and that was a surprise. I was told to not ask for any favors from my daughter because she doesn't want me to 'need' her. I just 'needed' her to do something for my birthday. That is coming up and I think she had intended to put a present on my doorstep. On Mothers day, I got a card in my mailbox. It was a nice card but that was it.
We had a talk recently and I brought that up when I realized that she had no intention of making time for me on my birthday. I think the plan was the doorstep plan. She avoids me because she doesn't want me to make her feel guilty but I maintain that she makes herself feel guilty because she is guilty. I wasn't even going to say anything about the mothers day card besides 'thank you' but then I realized that is the new plan. There were words and I 'tried to make her feel guilty' I can't make her feel anything that she doesn't feel.
I was in the hospital one time for a week and I needed help with a few errands. I did have a friend staying with me to help but he didn't have a car. She did, the one I gave her. She did a couple things but after 2 days she was done. I needed money from my bank to give my helper and she wouldn't even help me with that because it was too much for her. I think that was when the problems started because I couldn't believe how self centered she was. She is not a bad person but she doesn't want any responsibility for her mother. I know that about her and don't expect much but I did expect a get together because that used to be customary. I don't pay her for observing my birthday or ......there is no or.
We used to go out all the time and I would pay of course, but when my daughter had a good job I told her she was going to have to pitch in. After that, there were no more invitations. If I invited, I would have to pay but they invited they didn't want to pay. They only invited because they were hungry and wanted me to pay. I knew that but I didn't know I would be ignored after the rules changed over that.
They are both like that. They ignore me unless we run into each other and they will be polite. We used to be close but not anymore.
There is a lot of raking to be done and I usually do it but my back hurts, so it is piled up, of course.
No I don't pay them because they don't do anything but I did pay them a lot because I was being supportive. If I need support I am told to not need it.
I wouldn't charge family for a favor, but I probably wouldn't refuse money if the favor was difficult, time consuming, and/or it cost me money to do it. For your ecamples:
Family member is ill or older and can't mow their yard, so you mow it during the summer or for a month if they are sick/injured. That's a HUGE amount of work. I would accept money if offered
Family member isn't technical, but you are. They ask you to purchase a computer (their money) and to set it up for them....add software, add contacts, add anti-virus and whatever else it needs in order to get them going. They pay for everything, you just do the labor part of it. Same for a cell phone if asked. Very simple and fast. Would not accept money
Family member had their car at the garage getting work done and needs a ride to take it and pick it up. Would you accept their money if they offered to pay for gas? Unless the shop is absurdly far away the gas would only cost a dollar or two. I'm not going to take an amount that small; what, are they going to give me their pocket change? If they wanted me to drive somewhere super far away where we were looking at 20 bucks or more in gas then I would accept the money
Family member invites other family to go on their boat for a day. Family members offer to pay money for gas. Same answer as above--how much total money are we talking here? And was I already going to take the boat out anyway or was this something I am doing for their benefit?
The final two fall into a completely different category. Those aren't just little favors, they are professional services that the person in question does for a living. I think they absolutely should be compensated. A family discount could be in order, but they deserve to make a living on their professional transactions.
Here are a few examples. If you are the one doing the favor, would you accept money from a family member if they offered to pay you or would you help just because that's what family does....help each other out?
Family member is ill or older and can't mow their yard, so you mow it during the summer or for a month if they are sick/injured.
Family member isn't technical, but you are. They ask you to purchase a computer (their money) and to set it up for them....add software, add contacts, add anti-virus and whatever else it needs in order to get them going. They pay for everything, you just do the labor part of it. Same for a cell phone if asked.
Family member had their car at the garage getting work done and needs a ride to take it and pick it up. Would you accept their money if they offered to pay for gas?
Family member invites other family to go on their boat for a day. Family members offer to pay money for gas.
Family member is an accountant and they do your taxes for you.
Family member is a realtor and they help you find a house.
Just outta curiosity...anyone in your family looking to adopt a fully grown, potty trained son?
Location: Living near our Nation's Capitol since 2010
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I often give my kids $20-$100 if they do some heavy chores for me. Their labor and my lack of time makes it all worth it to me. They object..sometimes very strenuously, but I often prevail. Look, they are doing me a HUGE service and I have a little more money than time/braun. My boys would N E V E R ask for money, and they usually turn it down, but to me, I would much rather give them a little than hire an outsider.
I worked in IT years ago. I would always help friends and family out with their PC issues. My sister-in-law asked me to set up a network in her dead husband's law office. The office was a two hour one way trip. I declined telling her I could not properly support it. She did offer to pay me.
My rule of thumb was to never take money. Only do what you could do for free. That way the friend or relative would not feel entitled to more of your time. Once money changes hands they have their hooks into you.
I think it's all relative to the situation and the people involved. I give my mom money cause she helps me out with stuff around my house. It isn't a life changing amount, but she seems to appreciate it. I helped at their house for several hours clearing tree branches. My dad gave me $100, I took it but gave it back to my mom couple days later.
I wouldn't take money EVER for my TIME to do something. I MIGHT take some money if I had to buy a lot of materials AND put in a lot of time. But it would greatly depend on their financial situation...it would be pretty minimal if I did - more just a token kind of thing.
If you're the receiver of some kind of favor in the form of time or labor you'll probably have an easier time offering to have them over for a nice meal or to take them out than if you just offer cash - not many would feel right taking that. So best to just return a favor for a favor - it's a warmer way to do things when you have a personal (not professional) relationship with someone.
The point is to RECIPROCATE but not in such an obvious way as to make it seem you want to hurriedly get rid of and dismiss the obligation you feel for their favor to you.
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